Christmas Eve
T'was the night before Christmas
And all through the house
The whole damn family was drunk as a louse.
Grandma and Grandpa were singing a song,
And the kid in bed was flinging his dong.
Ma came from the cat house,
And me from jail.
We crawled in bed for a nice piece of tail.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter.
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Threw open the window and fell flat on my ass.
The moon on the crest of the new fallen snow,
Gave a whore luster to the objects below.
When what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reighndeer.
And a little old driver holding his dick,
I knew in a moment that bastard was Nick.
Slower than snails his courers they came.
And he bitched and swore and called them by name.
Now Dancer, now Prancer up on the walls,
Quick, Dammit, or I'll cut off your balls.
And then upon the roof he stumbled and fell,
And came down the chimney like a bat out of hell.
He staggered and stumbled and went to the door,
Then tripped on his dong and fell to the floor.
I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"Piss on you all, This has been a hell of a night!"
