Tonya Harding Center
For
Opponent Neutralization


Just tired of always losing to someone better than you?
NO PROBLEM!!!
Let us do the dirty work for you!

That's right, at the Tonya Harding Center for Opponent Neutralization, for only a small fee we can rough up, maim, dismember, paralyze or even kill that person or persons who are blocking your path to athletic success!

Check Out Our Price List!
 
Blow to the knee  $99.95
Blow to both knees (a better buy) $149.00
Blow to the head $124.95
Knife in the back (tennis players only)  $49.95
Kick to the groin (male athletes only)  $79.95
Poking one eye out  $49.95
Poking both eyes out (Three Stooges Style)  $79.95
Gun shot to the knee $199.95
Gun shot to both knees $299.95
Gun shot to the head $499.95
Impalement in a public place $999.95
 
 

To Order, call toll-free at 1-800-JUST-WIN.
 
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