Joke

Tonya Harding Center For Opponent Neutralization

Do you get frustrated every softball season losing to that same team with all the big sluggers, year in and year out?
Are you tired of always getting beat 6-0, 6-0 by that arrogant tennis-playing friend of yours with the killer serve?
Haven't you had enough of that annoying golf buddy who always seems to shoot in the low 80's against you?

Just tired of always losing to someone better than you? NO PROBLEM!!! Let us do the dirty work for you!

That's right, at the Tonya Harding Center for Opponent Neutralization, for only a small fee we can rough up, maim, dismember, paralyze or even kill that person or persons who are blocking your path to athletic success!

Check Out Our Price List!

Blow to the knee	$99.95
Blow to both knees (a better buy)	$149.00
Blow to the head	$124.95
Knife in the back (tennis players only)	$49.95
Kick to the groin (male athletes only)	$79.95
Poking one eye out	$49.95
Poking both eyes out (Three Stooges Style)	$79.95
Gun shot to the knee	$199.95
Gun shot to both knees	$299.95
Gun shot to the head	$499.95
Impalement in a public place	$999.95

WEDNESDAYS are bonus days. Order one act of violence and receive another 50% off!

With every order over $300.00, you automatically receive a collapsible hard-plastic baton personally signed by Tonya herself - Just like the one used to beat the crap out of Nancy Kerrigan

Order now and recieve absolutely free the Lorena Bobbitt Home Castraton Kit. *Sex-crazed husband not included.

To Order, call toll-free at 1-800-JUST-WIN.

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