Dilbert's rules for the workplace.
1.-A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
2.-Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
3.-It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
4.-After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
5.-The more rubbish you put up with, the more rubbish you are going to get.
6.-You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
7.-Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
8.-When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
9.-If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
10.-There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
11.-Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
12.-Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
13.-Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
14.-To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
15.-Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
16.-Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
17.-If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
18.-You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
19.-People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
20.-If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
21.-At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
22.-When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
23.-Following the rules will not get the job done.
24.-Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
25.-When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
26.-No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
27.-The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
