AIDS Update Report
Flash! New Strains to creat
further misconceptions and hysteria!
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If you catch it from a cocktail waitress, it is
now BARMAIDS.
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If you get it from a virgin, you have FIRST AIDS.
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If you're infected from Jack Lemon, it's LEMONAIDS.
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If you catch it from school, it's GRAIDS.
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If you contract it from a follower of Jim Jones,
it's KOOL-AIDS.
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If you get it in Florida, it's GATORAIDS.
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If it's spread by cockroaches, it's RAIDS.
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If you're lucky enough to have gotten it from
Bo Derek, it's referred to as BRAIDS.
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If you catch it while marching, you have PARAIDS.
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If you get it while touching an air freshener,
you've got GLAIDS.
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If you give it back to someone who has infected
you, it's now called TRAIDS.
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If you catch it in France, you have PAR LE VOUZ
FRANCAIDS.
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If you've been running with a gang member, you'll
get SWITCH BLAIDS.
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If you get it from a Black, it's now ZIPPITY DO
DA DAIDS.
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If you're infected by Bill Clinton, you have PRESIDENTIAL
AIDS.
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If you've touched a pair of infected sunglasses,
it's SHAIDS.
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If you get ill during the end of a work week,
it's T.G.I. FRIDAIDS.
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If you get it playing party games, you've now
got CHARAIDS.
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If you get it on Halloween, it's MASQUERAIDS.
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If you get it from a leather jacket, it's SUAIDS.
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If you're sleeping with Gumby, you get GREEN CLAIDS.
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If you have been using an infected dishwasher,
you'll likely end up with CASCAIDS.
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If you eat an infected chocolate bar, you could
get MILKY-WAIDS.
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If you get it from a musician, it's called BANDAIDS.
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If you get it from a pest controll person, it's
called ORCAIDS.
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If you get it from the swamps in Florida, it's
called EVERGLAIDS.
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If you've rubbed shoulders with Oliver North,
you may have CONTRA-AIDS.
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And now, the worst! Did you know that finally
you can catch it all by yourself? That's called MASTERBAIDS.
