Abbot and Costello
on Computers
Costello: Hey, Abbot!
Abbot: Yes, Lou?
Costello: I just got my first
computer.
Abbot: That's great Lou.
What did you get?
Costello: A Pentium II-266,
with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive,
and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbot: That's terrific, Lou.
Costello: But I don't know
what any of it means!
Abbot: You will in time.
Costello: That's exactly why I
am here to see you.
Abbot: Oh?
Costello: I heard that you
are a real computer expert.
Abbot: Well, I don't know-
Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You
know your stuff. And you're going to train
me.
Abbot: Really?
Costello: Uh huh. And I am here
for my first lesson.
Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do
want to know?
Costello: I am having no
problem turning it on, but I heard that you
should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbot: That's true.
Costello: So, here
I am working on my new computer and I want to turn
it off. What do I do?
Abbot: Well, first
you press the Start button, and then-
Costello: No, I told you,
I want to turn it off.
Abbot: I know, you press
the Start button-
Costello: Wait a second.
I want to turn it Off. I know how to start
it. So tell me what to do.
Abbot: I did.
Costello: When?
Abbot: When I told
you to press the Start button.
Costello: Why should I press
the Start button?
Abbot: To shut off
the computer.
Costello: I press Start
to stop.
Abbot: Well Start
doesn't actually stop the computer.
Costello: I knew it!
So what do I press?
Abbot: Start.
Costello: Start what?
Abbot: Start button.
Costello: Start button
to do what?
Abbot: Shut down.
Costello: You don't
have to get rude!
Abbot: No, no, no!
That's not what I meant.
Costello: Then say
what you mean.
Abbot: To shut down the
computer, press-
Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbot: Then what do
you want me to say?
Costello: Look, if
I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to
press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist
button, but
no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbot: But that's
what you do.
Costello: And you
probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbot: Don't be ridiculous.
Costello: I'm being
ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we
started this conversation.
Abbot: What are you
talking about?
Costello: I am starting
this conversation right now. Good-bye.
