Chapter Three:

Mort Rainey

 

            He was lying on a comfortable bed in a dim room. Was he home? He had a massive headache, but everything seemed normal. He stretched, groaned, and sighed. Man, what a nightmare! He thought. He turned over to put his arms around Vanessa only to fall off the couch and whack his face on the wooden floor. My bedroom doesn’t have a wooden floor. He opened his eyes and turned his head to the side to face a coffee table and a fireplace with a large mirror hanging over it. He turned his head back to face the floor, lifted his head and whacked it once on the floor. “Why, why, why?” He mumbled to himself. “I had to be Mort Rainey. I’m Tashmore Lake’s village idiot.”

He stood up, dusted himself off and plopped right back onto the couch, putting his head in his hands. He ran his tongue over his teeth. Braces. Sure enough he had plopped right down at the end of the movie. He had killed four people and was wanted by the police, not to mention he was a geek. At least they’ll never look for the bodies in the garden. Are you so sure about that? No, not really. This is the wrong movie for you to be talking to yourself. No kidding. “One thing’s for sure, I am not eating that corn.”

“Is there something wrong with that there corn?” Asked a voice. Johnny screamed and jumped up from his seat on the couch.

“It’s not possible.” He said as he faced the man. “You’re supposed to be inside my head. If I’m not Mort, you don’t exist.”

“What is it that you’re getting at exactly?” Asked Shooter. Johnny shook his head in frustration and plopped back down on the couch.

“Yeah, you’re right. You’re a character in the movie just like everyone else.” Said Johnny as he put his head back in his hands.

“You’re not making much sense, Pilgrim.”

“I’m making more sense than you know, John Wayne.” Then he got up, went to the cupboard and picked out a bag of Doritos.

“You don’t sound happy to see me.” Said Shooter. Johnny stopped in mid-opening of the bag. Is it reasonable to assume that if he’s another personality of my character that he could take over my mind and start killing people? It might be reasonable to assume that. I better not piss the guy off then. Or start acting like you’re Mort. Remember, the personality of Mort is dead. You’re the geek now. Oh yeah, that’s right. He continued opening the bag and he turned around to face Shooter with a big smile and an irritatingly cheerful voice.

“Don’t be silly, Mr. Shooter, I’m plenty happy to see you!” Said Johnny. Wow, is it me or do I sound a bit like Ed Wood? It’s not just you. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh not much. I just came to see how you were getting along. After all, the police are after you and Mr. Rainey ain’t here no more. I just wanted to see how you were handling the situation.” Said Shooter as he came closer. “Not thinking about confessing are you?”

“Don’t be silly, Shooter! What can they do to me? They don’t have any evidence.” Said Johnny.

“Then you better be making sure they don’t get any.”

“You can count on me, Mr. Shooter.”

“Good, I expected so.”

“Great! I’ll be seeing you later then.” Said Johnny and then he turned around and started walking up the stairs to his study. When he dared to look over the railing into the living room, Shooter was gone. “Oh man, thank God he’s gone.” Sighed Johnny as he sat down in front of the computer.

“Mr. Rainey!” Shouted a man from the front door.

“Oh shit!” Said Johnny. “Uh, I’m up here Dave!” It was Dave Newsome, Tashmore Lake’s resident Sheriff, and he was much brighter than he appeared. Okay, you know what? Mess up your hair, switch your glasses and be Mort Rainey. Maybe he’ll leave you alone. It didn’t take long for Johnny to find Mort’s glasses in the unusally organized drawers of the desk. Wow, this other guy is really organized. I expected to have to look for those glasses forever! He switches glasses, messed up his hair and quickly found the old tattered bathrobe in a closet. This is too easy. I barely had to look for anything. He plopped back down in the chair in front of his computer and slumped down in it. Seconds later Dave Newsome reached the top of the stairs. He looked considerably surprised by Johnny’s appearance. Haha! I tricked you!

“Hello Mr. Rainey.” Said Dave.

“Hi Dave.” Said Johnny absently. “What’s up?”

“Um, I just, uh…” Dave stuttered as he looked around the study and then at Johnny. “A couple weeks ago I visited you. You remember that?”

“Vaguely. Something about you know what I did and don’t come into town anymore, was that the jist of it?” Said Johnny, a bit irritated and more than a bit sarcastic. Dave Newsome cleared his throat nervously.

“Yeah, that was about it. You’ve changed considerably in two weeks, Mr. Rainey. I’m a bit surprised.”

“Hell, I’m not ashamed to admit it. Short term mid-life crisis, hence the braces and the weight equipment downstairs. A nasty divorce will do that to you. I’m getting the braces taken off next week and I’m sending back the weights. Foolishness really, but I think I’ve gotten it all out of my system.” Now put that in your pipe and smoke it.

“You know, Mr. Rainey. I’m afraid I may have misjudged you horribly. I’m not completely convinced, of course, but I’m starting to see that I may have made a terrible mistake.”

“Sure, Dave, it happens. What exactly was it that you thought I did?” Asked Johnny innocently.

“It’s a bit embarassing. I thought you killed your wife. Ex-wife, excuse me.” Said Dave. Johnny laughed loudly.

“Why on earth would you think that?”

“You acted so strangely coming out of the post office. Then I heard that Amy’s been gone and no one knows where she is, and then you changed so much.”

“There’s a perfectly good explanation for it Dave. Amy and Ted decided that they wanted to get married as soon as possible, and that meant that I had to get over there and sign the divorce papers before they missed their flight to Las Vegas. So you see, I was in quite a hurry, and I was quite agitated, because it’s no secret that I’m still in love with my wife, despite what she did. It took a couple weeks of being someone else to get me over it.”

“It seems perfectly innocent when you explain it all to me.”

“Does it? I feel so guilty in a way.” That’s right, Johnny, sell it.

“That’s normal. I had a mid-life crisis myself. Twice even. As soon as I got back to being myself I always felt rather guilty for ever trying to change.”

“Wow, Dave. I’m glad you said that. It makes me feel normal again.” Smiled Johnny.

“No problem, Mr. Rainey. And I am terribly sorry.” Said Dave. “I’m sorry to admit this, but I am a bit suspicious still.”

“Do you want to take a look around?” Asked Johnny as he stood up. Dave Newsome motioned for him to sit again.

“No, that won’t be necessary. You’ve proven it to me. Thanks for trying to help, Mr. Rainey.”

“Thank you, Dave.” Said Johnny as he shook Dave’s hand. “I’m sorry to rush you off, but I really do have a lot of work to get done.”

“Of course, no problem. I’ll see you around.” Said Dave.

“Great. Can you find your own way out?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it. Bye Mr. Rainey.”

“G’bye Dave.” And with that Dave turned, walked down the stairs and out the front door, Johnny watching him over the railing the entire way. Johnny dropped himself in the seat and sighed in relief. “I am one hell of an actor.”

“Yes you are.” Said Shooter. Johnny yelled, jumped out of his seat only to land on the floor.

“Gee, Mr. Shooter. I wish you wouldn’t sneak up on me all the time.” Said Johnny in that sickeningly cheerful voice. “After all, I am just a little boy. You’re a trooper.”

“I think you’ve been watching to much of them Marx Brothers.”

“Guilty, I’m afraid.” Said Johnny with a smile as he raised his hand.

“You handled that Sheriff pretty well. I would have just killed him and be done with it.” Said Shooter, circling Johnny who was still on the floor.

“Yes, well, that’s an idea as well, although I think it would cause more trouble than solved.”

“You’re right, of course. There’s no point in killin’ him if he can be convinced of our innocence. Of course its only a matter of time before he finds out that Amy and Ted aren’t coming back.”

“Well, I’m not going to be here that long.” Commented Johnny.

“Excuse me?” Asked Shooter, confused.

“Nothing.” Said Johnny quickly.

“Mm-hmm. I sure that’s just what it was.”

“Would you like something to eat? Some corn perhaps?” Asked Johnny, getting to his feet and heading for the stairs.

“I don’t eat.” Said Shooter, pronouncing every work sharply and clearly, obviously frustrated.

“Oh yes, that’s right. I forgot. I apologize. I think I’ll have some though, please excuse me.” Said Johnny quickly as he decided against the stairs and went speeding to the kitchen.

“Hold on just one minute there!” Shouted Shooter. Johnny stopped in his tracks, hesitated, and turned around.

“You change your mind?” Asked Johnny cheerfully. What an ass I am.

“No I have not. What is wrong with you exactly? You losing your nerve? Because I assure you that I can take over right now if you are.”

“I know that. I know you can. I don’t want to be assured.” Said Johnny acting on the sudden impulse to mock him. Shooter maintained that ever present calm exterior, but his eyes were on fire and filled with danger. Oh boy, not good. Why did you do that? I don’t know, but I’d be more than willing to admit it was a stupid move. “I’m sorry Mr. Shooter.” Said Johnny in the cheerful voice again, but backing up toward the stairway at the same time. “It’s just that I have everything under control and you keep bugging me. You just got on my nerve for a minute.” Johnny was almost at the stairway now, but Shooter was coming closer. Johnny didn’t dare make a move until he was nearly past the stairway in case Shooter should anticipate that move.

“How is it that you know about what I said to Mr. Rainey if you ain’t Mr. Rainey?” Asked Shooter. Whoops! Loophole in the plot perhaps?

“That is a valid question, Mr. Shooter. Now listen, for all intents and purposes I am Mr. Rainey, would we agree on that point?”

“I suppose we would.”

“Therefore it comes in handy to know what went on in Mr. Rainey’s past, and you are most definitely a huge part of Mr. Rainey’s past. Are you not?”

“I suppose I am.” Agreed Shooter. Johnny stopped moving just past the staircase, straightened up, and put out his hands in a half shrug.

“You see?” With that Johnny dashed up the stairs, Shooter closely in pursuit. Shooter definitely had not been expecting Johnny’s move.

“Hey, what you be doing Pilgrim?” Shouted Shooter as Johnny dashed around the corner and through the bedroom door. He spun around, slammed the door, turned the lock and leaned himself against the door. Shooter reached the door seconds later and began pulling at the door handle and ramming against the door.

“That’s another valid question. I’ll get back to you on that when I figure out the answer.” Yelled Johnny through the door.

“We ain’t through yet, Mr. Rainey! I know it’s you in there and I swear to God when I get to you that I will make sure you’re dead this time!” Johnny left his spot against the door and started looking for a way to escape. There were windows in the bedroom and in the neighboring bathroom, but all to high to jump out of. There weren’t enough bed sheets to tie together to make a proper rope, there wasn’t any porch or fire escape, no second exit whatsoever. Great, what if a fire broke out and I couldn’t get through the front door? People should think about these things!

Suddenly an idea occurred to Johnny. He ran to the door, unlocked it and flung it open.

“Hit me!” Yelled Johnny. Shooter stepped back and stared at him.

“What’s that?”

“Hit me! You want to hit me, go ahead and do it.” Johnny tapped his jaw. “Right there. Go on, do it!”

“You are crazy, aren’t you?” Said Shooter.

“Not as crazy as you, you jackass. Now hit me! Hit me! HIT ME!” Shooter couldn’t stand it anymore. He brought his fist forward and punched Johnny square in the jaw. Johnny went down, but he wasn’t out. Johnny sat up slightly and shook his head. “That’s all you got, whimp?” Shooter bent down and grabbed Johnny by the collar of his shirt.

“I’m just about done fussing with you.” Said Shooter, rage showing through his normally controlled voice. Johnny brought his face inches away from Shooter and grinned evilly.

“Then finish it…” Said Johnny coolly. “…if you’re man enough.” Shooter backed away from Johnny. For a minute Johnny thought that he had actually scared Shooter off, or that Shooter had gotten a hold of himself and decided to kill him in a civilized manner. Johnny soon realized what was happening and he closed his eyes and winced to brace himself for what was to come. Shooter brought his head forward to collide with Johnny’s in a full head-butt. Johnny felt a momentary shot of pain through his head and he was out. His final thought before everything went black was: Wow, that hurt!   

 

Read Chapter Four