Chapter One:

Captain Jack Sparrow

 

 

            By the time he was half awake he already knew that something was wrong. He felt the sun shining down on his face and the curtains in his bedroom were always drawn in the morning. He also had this weird hungover feeling. He felt headachy and a bit light headed, but he hadn’t been drinking. Maybe I got so drunk that I don’t remember drinking, he thought. The moment he opened his eyes he was thrown into a panicky confusion. He was not in his apartment in France lying next to Vanessa with his two children sleeping safely in the neighboring room. Instead he found himself on a large pier, surrounded by old ships and smelly workmen, lying in the bright tropical sun. He tasted rum in his mouth. But why? He hadn’t been drinking, had he? 

            He sat up quickly, perhaps to quickly, for a wave of dizziness fell over him and then slowly dissolved. He looked around curiously, squinting in the sunlight. He wished for a pair of very dark sunglasses, his head was killing him now. There is something terribly familiar about all this, he thought. After a moment he noticed that the workmen were staring at him as they went about their work. What are they looking at, he wondered vaguely, and where am I? He knew where he was, but he couldn’t quite remember. It stood on the tip of his mind like a word on the tip of your tongue. “God, I hate that!” He mumbled to himself. 

He looked down at himself and he was not wearing the boxer shorts he usually slept in. Instead he was wearing dirty gray pants that were stuck into some rather tall brown leather boots. His shirt was a worn and dingy white with very large sleeves. Over this he wore a long black vest and over that he wore a long black coat. He looked down to where he had been laying and predictably there was a brown, three point, pirate hat.

Johnny knew where he was. He was in Port Royal, but why was he there, and why was he in his Jack Sparrow costume? He felt his head and sure enough there were the long, dark locks of Jack Sparrow. He took a handful of hair and tugged firmly only to send a shock of pain through his skull, adding to his already achy head. Smart move, genius, he scolded himself. The hair was his own all right, not some wig like he had worn to film the movie. He was Jack Sparrow.

Feeling a bit more confident now that he established where he was and who he supposedly was, he grabbed his hat, put it on his head and stood up only to fall back down again. Considering how drunk this guy always is I wonder how he would ever manage to stand in real life, wondered Johnny. He stood up again and stayed up. Now, where do I go to figure this thing out? He wondered. He supposed he could try and seek out Keira or Orlando, but he wasn’t sure whether he was in Port Royal before or after the movie ended. He decided that since there wasn’t anything else he could do that it didn’t matter. He set off to find Orlando as discreetly as possible. Not Orlando, he reminded himself, Will Turner. I’m Jack Sparrow and this is Crazy. He couldn’t help laughing at this thought. 

He made is way through the alleys and behind houses to where he remembered the Blacksmith shop being. In the streets he saw the familiar sights of loose chickens and ducks and women with long full skirts and bonnets carrying baskets of food. The only difference was there were no cameras, no crew and these were not actors. He finally arrived at the Blacksmith shop, and he was relieved to find it was right where he remembered it. He entered quietly and looked around at the familiar scene of the Blacksmith shop where he filmed the sword fight with Orlando. He smiled, remembering the great time he had filming that scene, and calling Orlando a Eunuch.

Suddenly the door opened behind him. Johnny jumped down the few steps that lead from the door to the floor and instinctively pulled out his sword. Will Turner entered and his eyes instantly caught upon Johnny at the bottom of the stairs. Johnny waited anxiously, not knowing whether Will would know him or not. “Jack!” Exclaimed Will. Johnny let out a deep sigh and lowered his sword.

“Will. How are you?” Johnny asked. Will frowned curiously.

“What’s wrong with your voice?” Asked Will. Johnny had forgotten to use the accent. Idiot, he thought. He quickly put it into play.

“Just a bit of cold, mate.” Said Johnny, easily adapting to using the accent again. “No worries. How’s ‘Lizbeth?” Will smiled, came down the stairs and shook Jack’s hand.

“We’re both doing fine.” Said Will. Johnny’s body language and mannerisms quickly and instinctively kicked into character as soon as he changed his voice. Jack Sparrow was still inside of him even after all the time since he finished making the movie. He never thanked God for being an actor before, but he did now. What if being an actor got me into this mess in the first place, he challenged. He didn’t particularly want Gods wrath upon him at that moment, so he decided to leave it alone.

“Any kids?” Asked Johnny with a wink. Where did THAT come from? He asked himself, shocked at his own question. It wasn’t me, it was him! Him? Jack, of course. Jack was certainly alive and well and apparently had decided to take over the show. That suited Johnny just fine. Will blushed at the question, released Johnny’s hand and looked down at the floor.

“We have one on the way.” Will said shyly. Jack grinned suggestively.

“All right! You’re a man after me own heart, mate!” Said Johnny as he slapped Will on the back. Will lurched forward with the force of Johnny’s hand, but he laughed along with him all the same. Suddenly Will became very serious, as if a thought came to him. Johnny noticed the change right away. Oh, here we go.

“Do you have any children, Jack?” Asked Will. Johnny smiled lightly and raised one eyebrow.

“Could have. I suppose it’s possible. Wish I knew, mate.” Said Johnny with a laugh. Will smiled softly. I’ve got to get out of this conversation, thought Johnny. I must have been a fool to think I could ask him how to get out of this! What am I supposed to say, excuse me Will, I’m not really Jack Sparrow, I’m just the actor who plays him, could you just point me back to 21^st century France? He’d think I’m crazy! It’s a bit late for that. Shut up. “So Will, where exactly is ‘Lizbeth?”

“She’s in the house.” Said Will. Johnny looked at him incredulously.

“There’s a house connected to this?” He asked with a wave of his hand. Will smiled.

“Come on inside. I’ll get you some rum.”

“Don’t mind if I do, mate.” Answered Johnny as he followed Will through a door.

 

“How have you been, Jack?” Asked Keira. Not Keira, ‘Lizbeth. Johnny gave her a charming lopsided smile.

“I can’t complain, love. I see you’ve been doing well.” He said, eyeing her large stomach. “S’wonderful thing, love. Congratulations! I didn’t think Will had it in him.” I sound like an ass, just a great big jackass, he thought. Nonetheless, both Will and Elizabeth smiled broadly and tried unsuccessfully to conceal a blush.

“Thank you, Jack.” Said Elizabeth. ”How would you like something to eat?”

“Oh, I’d love it, love.” Said Johnny as he plopped down in a wooden chair. “I feel like I haven’t eaten in a week.” Elizabeth started about the business of getting some food put together and Will brought Jack a large mug of rum and sat down next to him. I hope I can still hold my liquor, thought Johnny, otherwise I won’t even have to try to act like Jack.

“So Jack, what are you doing in Port Royal?” Asked Will. Johnny smiled to himself and thought, Believe me, I wish I knew what I was doing here.

“Oh nothing much, mate. Visiting some old friends who happened to be on my way.” He said with a wink. Will smiled.

“So where’s your ship? I hadn’t heard any commotion about the Black Pearl docking so you must not have brought it.”

“Right you are, mate, right you are. I was dropped off by me crew just a ways offshore and out of sight. They’ll be picking me up in a day or two. I couldn’t resist stopping by before I moved on.”

“Does that mean we won’t be riding in your ship, Jack?” Asked Elizabeth as she placed the plates of food on the table. Her plate naturally had the largest amount of food on it. Johnny smiled at that.

“I’m sorry, love, I know how you love me ship, but no ride this time.” Answered Johnny with regret. Elizabeth smiled broadly.

“Actually, I was looking for just this sort of opportunity. Will just bought a ship and I’ve been dying to show it to you.” She said happily. Johnny smiled and then looked at Will.

“I hadn’t figured you’d ever be getting a ship, Will.”

“It wasn’t my idea. Elizabeth is crazy for ships, ever since she sailed over from England and especially since the whole Barbossa episode. I hate them more than ever now. I can’t understand it.”

“It looks like she’s the pirate of the family. After all, she married one.” Said Johnny as he winked at them. “I’d love to see your ship, ‘Lizbeth. What’s she called?”

“I called it ‘The Sparrow’.” She said with an embarrassed smile. Johnny was touched in spite of himself and gave her a broad grin and tilt of his head, his eyes grateful.

“I love it!” Exclaimed Johnny. “It’s the perfect name, love. You’re a born pirate and that’s a fact. Only a pirate can name a ship as well as that. Well, look at that, I rhymed! The rum must be working.”

“We can go out on the ship after we eat, Jack, what do you think?” Asked Will.

“Sounds good, mate. Though if it’s all the same to you, I think I should meet you there rather than walk down the streets in plain sight.”

“Now that is a good idea.” Said Elizabeth. And then they ate.

 

After lunch Johnny had walked down through the alleys and behind the houses back to the pier where he had awoken that morning. His journey had passed without event and aside from several strange and suspicious looks he had received as he walked down the pier to Will and Elizabeth, everything went well. He had stood in front of the lovely old ship marveling at its beauty and tidiness. He had never seen such a trim and neat ship in his life and he didn’t ever expect to. But now here he was, on this ship that was so lovingly named after him, and he was expected to sail it! He couldn’t sail to save his life, yet here he was. Luckily, both Elizabeth and Will could sail and Johnny simply gave the excuse that he wanted to see if they really knew what they were doing.

“So Jack, what do you think?” Asked Elizabeth. Johnny was leaning against the railing, staring out at the ocean and the bright blue sky. He looked at Elizabeth and gave her a lopsided smile.

“I love it, ‘Lizbeth, just love it. I’ve never seen a ship so terrific.” Answered Johnny. Elizabeth smiled.

“I’m glad you like it. I realize it’s hard to compete with a ship like the Black Pearl, but I think The Sparrow comes in a very close second.”

“Second, love? It might just have to be first with a name like The Sparrow. You can’t go wrong with a name like that.” Johnny winked. Elizabeth laughed and walked to the front of the ship where Will was standing. Johnny watched her go and then looked back out at the ocean. He was in a surprisingly good mood considering the circumstances, such a surprisingly good mood, in fact, that he was surprised to find himself humming. What other song would he be humming, of course, other than “A Pirate’s Life for Me”? What am I doing, Wondered Johnny incredulously, I must be going insane! Just then Johnny heard Will calling his name, and there was something very alarming in the tone of voice he was using. Johnny turned around quickly and ran to the front of the ship where Will and Elizabeth were. When he reached them Elizabeth was lying on the deck with her head in Will’s lap. She had her eyes closed and she was breathing heavily.

“What’s wrong, mate?” Asked Johnny, although he had a pretty good idea. Johnny knelt on the deck beside Elizabeth and lightly put his hand on her stomach, and he had more than just an idea of what was wrong.

“I think she’s giving birth.” Answered Will. Johnny nodded, not taking his eyes from Elizabeth’s face. “What do I do, Jack?”

“What? You mean you don’t know?” Asked Johnny as he snapped his head towards Will.

“Why should I know? I’m a blacksmith, not a midwife!” Shouted Will. “You must know what to do, you’re a pirate!”

“What has being a pirate got to do with delivering babies?”

“I don’t know!” Cried Will desperately. Elizabeth let out a cry of pain and both Johnny and Will looked at her.

“Alright, mate, there’s no time to argue about this stuff. Neither of us know what we’re doing so we’ll just have to improvise. Get some hot water, towels and something sharp.”

“Something sharp?” Asked Will. Johnny looked at him sharply and Will didn’t ask any more questions. Elizabeth traded Will’s lap for Johnny’s and Will got up to get the things that Johnny ordered. God, I hope all those doctor shows on TV weren’t just making things up when they say hot water and towels.

“Jack,” Said Elizabeth weakly as she looked at Johnny. “We’re going to be okay, right?” Johnny smiled as best he could and nodded gently.

“I promise you, love, you and your wee baby pirate will be just fine. Old Captain Jack is here to take care of you and he would die before he let anyone even touch you or your baby.” Said Johnny. Elizabeth smiled and closed her eyes again. Will returned with hot water, towels and a pair of scissors.

“Alright, Will, she can’t have my lap anymore, time to trade places.” Said Johnny. Johnny took his place in front of Elizabeth. He could see now that it was going to be a very quick delivery. Elizabeth had gone into labor not more than ten minutes ago and the baby was already starting to come. Johnny got the towel and the scissors ready.

“Alright, ‘Lizbeth, just a couple of pushes and you should be all set. Don’t you dare expect any of your other deliveries to be this easy.” Said Johnny. As Elizabeth pushed she screamed and kicked one of her legs out. Her foot hit Johnny squarely in the jaw. “Come on, love, I’m doing me best. If you wanna kick someone it should be Will, not me!” One push and that’s all it took for the head to come out. Johnny cut the cord.

“Just once more, Lizzy, and your worries are over.” Ordered Johnny. Elizabeth obeyed and the baby came out. Johnny wrapped it quickly in a towel and handed it to Elizabeth. Johnny then proceeded to clean Elizabeth up with the hot water.

“It’s a boy, Lizzy.” Said Johnny. “Just the spitting image of his mother and father, and every bit of a pirate as they are.” Elizabeth and Will smiled at their newborn son and then at Jack.

“I think we’ll name him Jack.” Said Elizabeth.

“Thank you, Jack.” Said Will. Jack smiled and both of them and then promptly passed out, a delayed reaction from Elizabeth’s kick.

 

 

Read Chapter Two