Maybe you'll get here by hotwired Hyundai. Or perhaps you'll be packed into P&O container stuffed with Irish Peat Moss. Whether by A1 bus or wheelbarrow, aeroplane or hiding in the lavvy of the train - get to grip with the tarmac and the tides with our frothy essential Guide To Getting There ....
Find out if YOU've got the sherry stamina and the anti-social sheen to
make it as an
Ardrossan Wino with our new psycho analytical, fully interactive,
slightly offensive on-line quiz. If you can be arsed - or sober
enough to co-ordinate the moose - why not while away a lazy 10
minutes of Company time just by CLICKING THIS BIT RIGHT HEREWhether
you're thumbing a lift, 'borrowing a set of wheels' - or using
Shank's Pony - we've 
got the lowdown
on how to reach the Promised land by tarmac, tyre and bare-faced
blagging.
Check-out
our road based 21st Century travelogue for 1st time gin guzzlers,
Buckfast Bevvie Merchants and alco-pop alkies from around the
world. Plus a great guide on where to buy your petrol.
from the 13th
Earl Of Eglinton's harbour - so arriving on it's frothy shore
with a Yo-Ho-Ho and a bottle of Captain Morgan's Rum is the still
the best way to arrive. All aboard the skylark for a Cally-Special
cal-mac can-fest with a cargo of corned beef bound for Brodick
Click Here now - and get flashed at by a man in a dirty raincoat and a grisly beard within fifteen minutes - or your MONEY BACK! Plus 2 Free tickets to the Kerelaw Borstal Boy Golf Tournament. (Sorry. No Children Under 15 or expectant mothers)
By Train
During
the 1950's, Ardrossan boasted no fewer than 4 railway stations,
5 signal boxes and 3 
level crossings.
Today's a bit different - but it's still the place to get a full
head of steam for the determined wino. So kick off your rancid
sannies, and crack open a bottle of Eldorado and let the
train take the strain.
Not many people know that Ardrossan has not just one - but two airports to
capture the expanding world wino market.
Fasten your seatbelt for a vomit inducing, deep vein thrombosis
delivering guide to getting there by buckfast and air-rage. Plus
Ardrossan airlines!
When visiting
Ardrossan - may we suggest you visit Millglen Caravan Park -
home of the Wino's Guide? We've got all the latest modern
comforts like water and electricity - and a half dozen bottles
of Bacardi Breezer will guarantee a romantic encounter with a
hairy lady like Sweaty Elsie or Amazon Woman.
Click HERE and find out how many cigs and cider
to bring along!