7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12. To keep the car running, you have to stop several times a day, close all the windows, turn the car off, then start the car and open all the windows again.
13. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
14. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine. TAKE THAT!!!!
Joke 2
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.
The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.
While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm. Now THAT is a bad day...
Joke 3
Bumper Sticker Humour...
Life is sexually transmitted.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop
at the end.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip
around the sun.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in
the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my
knees.
Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates
that).
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else
decide to play chess?
If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat
belt.
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can
die.
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better
attorney.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Thank you to my lovely daughter Michelle who has helped me so much with this page - without her HTML would've just been another foreign language to me! She helps me with the management of this page and its ongoing construction when she has time as well as working on her own home page- we want to make this page look really great in time. This page is under construction, and its very new, so please be patient, it might take a little time, but it will be finished... !! It will always be updated from time to time.
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