-You know how to properly pronounce "Villeneuve".
-Your doctor checks your reflexes by hitting your knee and your foot goes to the floor.
-You walk proper lines through the grocery store.
-You've ever had to explain the term "pucker factor".
-You've been known to yell "It means 'check your mirrors' dammit!" at your television.
-You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
-You bought a race car before buying a house.
-You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.
-You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
-You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
-You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
-The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of importance):
1) 8 car, climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dully, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors.
7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
8) Some sort of house with a working toilet on the property somewhere-or-hookups for the motorhome.
-Your first date involves asking her to crew for you.
-Your criteria for selecting a "significant other" includes auto repair skills. Air tools are a plus.
-Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.
-Your family remembers your hair color as "grease".
-You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
-You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar every other week or so.
-You remember the dates and details of every race you've ever been in, but can't remember your phone number.
-Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you.
-You can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends.
-crawling around in the muck wrenching on your own car is much more appealing than reclining on the sofa, watching the pretty cars go around on TV with a beer in your hand...
-People know you by your class letter, car number, and car color.
-People know you by your "off"s.
-"Oh, you are the one stuck in the gravel trap at Road Atlanta last weekend!"
-You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus and Racer Wholesale.
-Your Christmas list begins with a Webster gearbox and Carrillo rods (and your "significant other" knows what these are).
-After your answer to "How was your weekend?", the next question is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
-You have a separate drawer for "garage clothes".
-You've repaired your lawn mower with AN hardware.
-Your lawn mower has a fuel cell.
-A new racing catalog arrives in the mail and you disappear to the bathroom for hours.
-You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of racecar parts that could have been purchased.
-You know that Orthodontic work is the equivalent of three sets of tires.
-You hear "overcooked it" and think "off the track" instead of "Burger King".
-You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and practice your heal and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop.
-You wonder why everyone doesn't drive a Suburban.
-You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
-You can lose five pounds in a July afternoon while eating chili dogs.
-Your children are named after famous race car drivers (and one or more of them were conceived at a race track).
-You and your spouse met at a race track.
-Your racing budget is one of the big 3-mortgage, car payments, day care, etc.
-Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
-You're tired of people asking how fast your car is and expecting to hear the top speed in MPH, not a lap time.
-You have an immaculate car which you drive one day a week, and the vehicle that gets you around the other six days is rusted, covered with duct tape, and has a pair of Vise Grips(r) holding the clutch cable together. You promise yourself you'll fix it right after this season, or when you need your Vise Grips for something else.
-You can't understand why Jeff Foxworthy finds anything wrong with owning a car or two that doesn't run (at the moment).
-You have the "Shift-O-Matic" sitting on your desk. (The "Shift-O-Matic" happens to be a toilet plunger with a shifter attached with MG crest) And while meeting with your staff you run through the gears making rude noises and an occasional squealing sound.
-Your wife decides to become a race official so she'll see more of you during the season.
-You have enough spare parts to build another car.
-More than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.
-You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
-The guys at the local tire store laugh when you come in.
-Your grandmother is shocked to find you have a pair of jammies that cost $400 and the seat doesn't even drop down.
-You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is: "Racers, start your engines!"
-You can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends."
-Your 2 1/2 year old daughter and 4 year old son fight over who is going to be Jacque Villeneuve.
-Your 2 year old son knows the meanings of all the flags.
-When you call home from Montreal, instead of saying "Hi Daddy," your 3 year old son asks who has the pole.
-Your daughter was an SCCA member when she was 1 day old.
-You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work (or school).
-You always late apex the intersection and try to pass few cars coming out.
-Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn.
-You always do a toe & heel down shift while whoever might be your passenger gives you a real funny look.
-You buy real cheap tires for your street car, so you can save $$$ for the real (race) tires.
-You are the only person in your office who don't mind wearing a multilayer suit in 100+ deg weather.
-You don't mind working on hot parts. (Well, you do *mind* but still do it.)
-You can set the valve lash in less than 10 min.
-You can change a hot differential in less than 20 min. -You can't stand understeer.
-You always want to change something in your street car to make it handle better.
-You change engine oil ("awl" here in Tennessee) every other week.
-You will gladly pay up to $6 for a bottle of engine oil.
-You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to the race track.
-You memorized the menu at Cracker Barrel.
-You buy Gatorade by the case.
-You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't drive.
-You refer to the corner down the street from your house as "Turn One."
-You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.
-You complain the seatbelts in the family car aren't tight enough.
-You stick your arm out the window and raise it straight up before turning into your driveway.
-It�s your parents 50th anniversary and you send them a gift certificate for dinner out, because it�s a race weekend.
-You get a parts cleaner as a wedding gift and BOTH bride and groom are thrilled.
-You complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
-A neighbor asks -You have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
-A neighbor asks to borrow some brushes, you hand them brushes for a generator/alternator and they give you a funny look.
-You give out Racer Wholesale's number when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
-You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her station wagon.
-You hear the police just arrested some hooker down the street and wonder what the tow truck driver did wrong.
-You spend all week explaining to your wife or girlfriend that when you said there was a new hooker at the track, it wasn't what she thought.
-You put all the race car receipts you can under "Auto Repair Expense" on your annual budget.
-You save broken car parts as "momentos".
-You have more pictures of race cars on you desk than one of your wife or kids.
-You don't see anything unusual in cording a set of tires in just a few hours' driving.
-You have a "home" toolbox and an "away" toolbox.
-You've been to driver's school and didn't even have a ticket! -You have a solvent tank in your shop.
-All the socks in your drawer are nomex.
-You look longingly at shopping mall parking lots as alternatives to street courses.
-Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly.
-You keep replaying the last race weekend over and over in your mind while quasi-listening to relatives' last fishing trips.
-You keep thinking you can squeeze in just one more session of track time as the sun sets over turn 2.
-You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the throttle right after turning in.
-Your street car has last season's race rubber mounted on it.
-You feel naked in your street car without a roll bar and a five point harness.
-You evaluate on-coming traffic as to their "parts" value.
-When something falls off of the car you wonder how much weight you just saved.
-You can look the hotel clerk straight in the eye and say "One Adult, and could I have some extra towels?".
-Wonder why the hotel air-conditioning can't keep up with 12 people sleeping in the same room.
-You have tried to figure out how to put air conditioning and a toilet in your garage.
-You get upset when you don't hear the sound of rumble strips at the entrance, apex and exit of every corner on your drive to work.
-You consider a test drive successful when you get the salesman to whimper.
-You take your helmet along when you buy new eyeglasses.
-Your wife can never find enough hangers in the house 'cause you've used all the wire ones as welding rod.
-You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas (but doesn't particularly care for alcohol).
-You fix things around the house (kid's bikes, etc.) with grade 8 bolts and nylock nuts from your parts bins.
-You have 3 immaculate race cars always race ready, but your wife has to nag you for 2 months before you fix the headlight in her car.
-Your "daily driver" is continuously being mistaken for an abandoned car as you haven't taken the time to wash it in over a year.
-You "soup up" everything you come in contact with (more power... ar ar ar).
-You're too ill to go to work, but the same illness doesn't keep you from going racing.
-You have more than one roll of duct tape around the house (the handyman's secret weapon).
-You think Robert Mitchum can sing (see "Thunder Road").
-You came back early from your honeymoon in order to attend driver's school.
-You created a huge fire in your back yard when you used left over Pure Firebird racing gasoline to light your charcoal grill.
-You have a large piece of piston mounted on a wall plaque in your living room.
-You had to stop at an apple orchard to pick dinner while towing back from Roebling Road.
-Your dogs' favorite toys are old race tires.
-The UPS truck stops at your house more than any other house on the block.
-You plan all your vacation around racing and your wife says ..not this year again.
-You spend the rainy day crewing/working on someone else car, of course outside in the rain.
-You spend lunch hour reading the latest racing magazines instead of eating with the group.
-The only program you record on TV is racing.
-You try to get home in time for RPM2 Night.
-You paid more for your race car than for your house.
-You prepared for the purchase of a specific make and model of anything for more than 2 years.
-Your junk bolts drawer is divided into 3 quality grades.
-You think a used Goodyear F1 qualifier and a slab of glass constitutes a coffee table.
-You drill out your street car's pedals so you can go "faster".
-You wear a Turner Belt in your daily driver.
-You fix the race car before you fix your daily driver.
-You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
-You quietly ignore the question...How fast do you go?
-You have no problem adding 45 mph (or more) to the real answer of..."How fast do you go?"
-You try to explain to non racers that they don't have to be going over 100 mph to loose control of their car.
-You put a Flowmaster muffler on a car that doesn't need it, just so you can enjoy the sounds of gear changes.
-You prefer to drive yourself when going someplace in the car.
-You hang on for dear life when you drive with non racing friends in their souped up, turbo charged or V8 street cars. (You know, the ones that won't let you drive because you're a racer.)
-You are happiest when your street car's tires are worn to racing depth. ( wear bars showing).
-All your street car's tires are uni-directional and Z rated.
-You will spend months evaluating replacement tire performance, but not once think of tire wear as a factor.
-You've ever spent $100 for a battery that was 3lb. lighter, when you were 20lb over weight.
-You think the primary purpose for wings is to PREVENT flight.
-You have wondered how much a u-joint weighs.
-You do more catalog shopping than your wife.
-You wear underwear in July.
-You used to have money.
-You try to justify your hobby as continuing education.
-You've actually taken the time to follow this string -The minivan was ordered with a rear sway bar, heavy duty shocks and you are contemplating putting stickies on it.
-You select pets based on their ability to survive a weekend alone.
-You feel compelled, on a road trip, to beat your previous best time.
-Your EMAIL address refers to your race car rather than to you.
-Some of your best friends live 200 miles away.
-You have more pictures of the race car than of your kids.
-You haven't been to your family reunion for years because it's the first Saturday in May.
-"I need a little help fixing the car" means forget the cleaning, washing, and dinner; the morning's shot!
-The UPS man can't believe that little box costs that much!
-You explain to Mother why you can't go 25 miles for Sunday dinner, but you can go 300 miles for a race.
-You get more mail in July than December.
-The car gets waxed more often than your floor.
-You get home from a weekend of racing with kids needing scrubbing, car needing fixing, and clothes needing washing to find housework, bills and the lawnmower to greet you.
-You can tell it's Friday because the racing papers come in the mail.
-Your neighbors think you're crazy, your friends wonder, and you know you are.
-Despite it all, even you are a little anxious for the season to begin.
-If you look forward to putting on enough insulation to go snowmobiling and then sitting in an oven.
-You wore Nomex socks to your wedding.
-You try to impress new acquaintances with your heel and toe skills.
-You really believe that waxing your car causes either bodywork damage or sudden, torrential downpours.
-You have ever critiqued the driving skills of Daisy Duke.
-You thing the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is: "Racers, start your engines!"
You make turbocharger noises while walking down the street.
You might be a Corner Worker if -You pick up the phone and say, "Control, this is...."
-You critique the way people wave the flags at a parade.
-You go to the races so you can see your son.
-You start to work the races so you can talk to your son in the evening.
-You plan your social life around the racing schedule.
-You get your first racing tee shirt and you are really excited.
-You walk around the paddock area with white pants, racing tee shirt, racing hat and you feel like you really belong.
-You spend the rainy day working a corner at the race track in the rain.
-See a "Flagger Ahead" sign and check to see if you know them.
-Get ticked off when drivers don't wave at you when you are standing on a street corner waving at them.
-Take notes about reckless driving and rude hand gestures of other drivers towards you or other drivers.
-Complain about how the Police Officer could use better body language, more exaggerated motions, etc. when directing traffic.
-You watch a race on TV and critique the placement of corner stations.
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