2. Physically handicapped turtle (only if handicap includes total paralysis of at least two legs)

3. The Titanic

4. Road kill (ferrets, wolverines and man from No.1 not included in definition of road kill)

5. One-armed man in wheel chair (only if we get a good head start).

6. Police station (only if wind is blowing in our favor)

7. Corpse of man from No.1

8. Video tape of Star Wars (…although everything in Star Wars would beat us. Sidenote: the tape must remain stationary throughout the race otherwise disqualification is in effect no matter how bad it beats us)

9. Bumper car out of rink (only if all four tires are blown, we are racing uphill and we are allowed to get out and push)

10. Paddle boat (only if man from No.1 is operating and takes no physical participation for the duration of the race)

11. A one and a half pound bag of Gummy Bears

12. Half a dead horse (only if it is the front half)

13. The Hindenburg (after the explosion)

14. Leaves (only if wind resistance is absolutely zero)

15. Couch

16. Car from recent accident in Death Valley (only if accident included a transport truck)

17. Every color crayon in the box except Sky Magenta (only if taken out by old man in No.1, otherwise they will beat Mike)

18. All members of the Flintstones in their cool cars (only if they remain in 2D state and promise not to run for the duration of the race)

19. Walt Disney (only if body core temperature remains at –75 degrees Centigrade otherwise disqualification is in effect)

20. 2.5 grams of freeze dried chives (only if picked by man from No.1 while wearing his energy return system sneakers)

21. Suction cup figure of Freddie Shreddie (only if not accompanied by Eddie Shreddie)

22. That 128 year old woman from France (only by disqualification because she died on her way or if she is stapled to the ground to prevent her from moving)

23. Three quarter full bottle of liquid paper (only if it agrees to remain stationary for the duration of the race)

24. Crippled Ue Chi Ryu instructor Duncan McLeod (only if we are allowed to break his other knee and chain him to the other side of the correctional facility’s fence and force him to promise NOT to chew through the fence)

25. Ed Assner with massive head injury

26. Queen Victoria (only if loon leaves the water on the 20 dollar bill)

27. Shakespeare

28. Empty, used hot chocolate container (only if label is removed)

29. Dead plant

30. Scotch Tape, if and only if being used by man from No.1

31. Man with seeing eye dog (only if dog has 2 or more broken legs and is itself blind)

32. 1983 Chevette (only if piloted by man from No.1 if he promises to take no direct physical or mental control of the steering wheel or pedals. He must also remain in the back seat)

33. 70 ton loon off 20 dollar bill (only if piloted by man from No.1)

34. Crash test dummy (only if traveling on foot)

35. Small dog crammed in garbage disposal

36. Remnants of small dog from No.35

37. Garbage bag including No.36

38. Animated Yak dung (only if stink tendrils are removed before and during the race)