WINDTUNNEL'S

( Part One of a Two Part Series )

Disclaimer: The following editorial is my opinion only, and therefore should not be assumed to be foolproof. If you take any of my advice as fact, whether it may or may not be so, use it at your own risk. If you try these things out and for some reason make things worse, I am not liable for your lack of common sense. Now with the legal stuff out of the way, read on.

Chapter One - TLC

Every Firebird owner should know basic ways to pamper their car. Along side maintenance, there is washing/waxing, detailing, and after-market accessories. Here are some of the basics, the things that will keep your 'bird on the streets and looking good. First of all, sack the factory air filters. They are mediocre at best. Buy a high performance filter. This will add 5 to 10 horsepower for only about $15 or so dollars. One reader mentioned he uses Amsoil Filters, and is well pleased with their quality. The next thing is high octane fuel. Where I live I can only get 91 Octane, but states like Alaska and Texas sell 93 Octane. The higher percent the better, as it keeps the engine running cleaner than, say 85 Octane. Yes it is more expensive, but not in the long run. Trust me. Also new spark plugs would be a good idea. Nothing fancy like gimmick plugs, just the traditional solidly built plugs will do, preferably platinums. An oil change every 3,000 miles will help as well. Some people think your engine will still run if you only change the oil every 5,000 miles, and they are right. But your engine can also run on 85 Octane. No cutting corners for me. Always keep the factory components you switch out. Why throw away a perfectly good air filter?

There are plenty of things you can do for the visual side of the coin. I would suggest washing your car once a week, and waxing it once a month. If you buy that "Super-As-Seen-On-TV-CyberWax-Two-Thousand" where it says you only need to wax you car once, and not even that if you did it in another life, it is your fault for buying the stuff to begin with. A traditional wax does best, one that is applied with a terry cloth and then buffed out. Nothing beats elbow grease, (except a power buffer!) For the windows, I swear by Rain-X. Not to give anyone free advertising, but for about $2 a bottle, you get perfect windows for little work. I bought a 4oz bottle two and a half years ago, and there is still some left. Now comes the question of ArmorAll. Someone told me that once you use it, you always have to. Sounds like a smoking habit to me. I am not saying I agree with the synopsis, and I have liked it every time I used it, just be aware.

Accessories are next. With the introduction of the styling changes on the '98s, accessories are hard to find, unless you know where to look. Depending on what you are looking for, there can be a lot or a little. A reader asked me about blackout kits. I am pretty sure GTS has something in the works for the 98s, and I would personally like to see clear lens covers for the fog lights on the Formulas. Also there are rims for just about every style out there. Just make sure you have the info on the wheel. Engine dress-ups can be somewhat reclusive as well, considering the LS1 is new. I believe that stock is the best way to go as far as styling and mechanics go, with the exception of general parts, like filters and the like. Also remember when you are upgrading your vehicle to know whether or not the thing you are buying will or will not effect the car's warranty. There are tons of things I didn't cover, but this isn't a novel. If I left anything out you want to see email me at [email protected]

Chapter Two - Learn to Avoid Detection

If you have forgotten the Disclaimer, it is at the top of the page. There are a few rules to learn before being a professional police avoider. When I say police, I am talking about anyone with the right to pull you over and give you a ticket, ie Highway Patrol, city/county police, and the sheriff's office. First things first, you are your car. If you are doing 75 MPH in a forest green Subaru you may not get noticed, but if you are doing it in a bright red 98 Firebird, you may as well have your license/registration ready on the dash board. You are issuing a challenge to all of law enforcement just by driving a Firebird. But don't worry, that is why you have allies like me. Follow a few simple rules, and you should be okay. Rule 1 - Always remember to keep a look out for the cops. Any white car is suspect, especially from far away. When they get closer, they have to be a four door medium/ large car, like a Crown Vic, or a Caprice. Just let your foot off the gas and coast until you know for sure. Rule 2 - If it is a cop, don't slam on the brakes. Nothing guiltier than a front end dropping down. Rule 3 - Never go 5mph faster than everyone else. This is especially vital when everone is travelling 55mph, since they probably know something you don't. Rule 4 - Stealth Mode helps also. A black car with no lights on is harder for a radar gun to see than a white car with highbeams. You do the math. Rule 5 - street light racing should be done with prudence. I understand if the car next to you is a Mustang, or something else lower on the food chain trying to test the best, then you have to flex. But every single light isn't a christmas tree at the drag strip, and besides, your engine won't appreciate years of that. Rule 6 - Now to the most important thing to know, the ten things you can do to possibly get out of a ticket, after getting pulled over. Thing 1 - Don't panic. Your life isn't over, and you haven't gotten a ticket, just pulled over, so relax. Thing 2 - Don't Run. I can't stress this enough. No matter what you did, running will multiply your problems by 1,000. The cops use radios, teamwork, and their interceptors are faster than you think. This isn't Dukes of Hazzard. You can't outrun Rosco in the real world. Thing 3 - Use your blinker or hazard lights when being pulled over, careful not to slow down too slow or too fast. Thing 4 - Be respectful. You'd be surpirsed how far common courtesy will go. Thing 5 - Move slowly. Making quick and unpredictable movements could get you hurt. Just be slow and everything should turn out fine. Thing 6 - Turn off the car. The officer seeing the keys on the dash might help to disarm the situation. Thing 7 - Always keep your hands in plain view. Thing 8 - Don't panic if he asks you to step out of the car. Stay calm and do what he/she says. They are trained to act in a way that will protect both of you. Thing 9 - If they want you to do a DWI/DUI test, don't get upset. If you are sober, you have nothing to worry about. If you are drunk, , then you are on your own. I don't have compassion for people who drink and drive. Thing 10 - Use common sense!!!!! These ideas are my opinions, not textbook ways to avoid justice. If they don't work for you or they get you into more trouble, it isn't my fault. Use YOUR best judgement here, people.

Next month will be Part Two, featuring Chapter Three and Four of the Firebird Survival Guide. Chapter 3 will be on buying a Firebird, and Chap 4 will cover other opinions I have. Check back.

©1998 Flamberge