Rules for Buying Gifts for Men

Here are the do�s and don�ts of gift buying for men. It�s not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems:

• Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

• Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. �Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?� �OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?� Again, no one knows why.

• Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

• Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn�t have invented Jockey shorts.

• Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips....

• Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

• Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I�m told they do not stink - they are earthy.

• Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. �Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.� You get the idea. No one knows why.

• Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says �some assembly required� on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

• Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, ParrLumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire.(NAPA Auto Parts and Sear�s Clearance Centers are also excellent men�s stores. It doesn�t matter if he doesn�t know what it is. �From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn�t this a starter for a �68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.�)

• Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That�s why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. �Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?�

• Rule #12: Tickets to a Seahawks game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to �A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.� Everyone knows why.

• Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don�t know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

• Rule #14: It�s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

• Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8� manila rope. No one knows why.

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