roadtrip-rules

They say that getting there is half the fun; I say it's considerably more than that.� But, living in a civilized society as we (would like to think we) do, we need some order, some guidelines.� Rules, kids.� Nothing too constricting, since imposing hard-and-fast laws to the art of roadtripping would be defeating the porpoise.� I mean "purpose".� But here are some of the rules you will have to abide by if you want to see the country flash past your window in my car:

Rule #1: The driver is always right.

Rule #2: If you believe the driver may be wrong, see Rule #1.

Rule #3: Music will be agreed upon by all parties in the car, up to where possible.� If four of us are riding along, and three want to hear AC/DC, and the fourth wants Yanni, then AC/DC it is.� In the event of a deadlock, the driver has final say.� The driver can also overrule any music choice previously agreed upon, including shutting off the music altogether to listen to what sounds like a bad wheel bearing, or to let one rip.

Rule #4: Stops along the way will be only for fuel.� Anyone in the car can do anything else they want to do as long as it takes less time than it does to fill the tank.� Simple.� Hold back the trip, and your snack and nap priviledges will be sanctioned.

Rule #5: Climate control will be deferred to the passenger(s), within reason.� If you've got the heat up so high that I can smell the floormats smoldering, I'm opening a window.� Exception: if the driver has entered a sleepy stage of the drive, the driver automatically gets full climate control authority.� Lives may depend on it.� Also, if the passenger(s) are asleep, climate control defaults to the driver, who happens to like it chilly.� Well, then, you should have stayed awake.

Rule #6: The following passenger activites are strongly discouraged-
Stomping the non-existant passenger-side brake pedal
Shouting vague warnings of impending danger.� Examples- Bad: "LOOK OUT!"� Better: "Lookout- stray cat at 2-o'clock-low!"
Snoring while napping.� This could lead to the issuing of a Brake-Stomp Wake-Up Call.
Any activity during night driving that requires the interior lights to be on.� This distracts and annoys the driver.� Exceptions include map reading or other navigation duties.

Rule #7: The Shotgun position shall be Navigator for the trip.� Navigator's duties include reading maps, street/highway signs, and looking for a Taco Bell when necessary.� Navigator shall refrain from saying things like, "That was our exit" and "I think I left the atlas at Taco Bell"� Any loss of direction shall be solely attributed to the Navigator, unless the driver was at fault.� See Rule #2.