Monkeys

The local zoo had a sellout of monkeys; they cost 50 cents each. I thought it was a bargain since they normally cost a few thousands each.

But, I decided not to think about it. I ordered 200 since I like monkeys. I brought my 200 monkeys home (I have a big car). I let one of them drive. I named him to Sigmund and he wasn't very clever. As a matter of fact none of them were. They were hitting themselves in the face all the time and laughing. I laughed too since I thought it looked funny. It was funny until they starting hitting my face. That's when I stopped laughing...

I made my 200 monkeys walk into my apartment. They had some problems adapting to the new environment. They yelled loudly and rolled back and forth on the rug on the floor. After that, they screamingly started running straight into the wall. Even though it was amusing in the beginning, it became a little boring when they had done that for 3 hours.

The day after I understood why they had been so cheap. They died, everyone! (Of no particular reason). They just fell down, dead, like when you buy a goldfish, which is dead 5 hours later. Damn cheap monkeys! How would I now get rid of them? I definitely didn't know what to do. I had 200 monkeys lying all over the apartment, monkeys on the bed, monkeys on the drawer, monkeys hanging down from the bookcase etc... It looked like I had 200 furs spread throughout the apartment. At first, I pretended that I had lots of stuffed animals. It worked fine until it started smelling a little funny after a few weeks. I tried to flush one down the toilet, but it didn't work. It got stuck.

Now, I had one wet monkey and 199 dead, dry. I needed to go to the bathroom but I couldn't since there was a dead monkey in the toilet. I didn't want to call the plumber since I was ashamed. What would I say? "Come fast! A dead monkey is stuck in my toilet" (that's impossible). I tried to slow down the decomposition by frezing them. I ate all food in the freezer to make room for them. Unfortunately there were only room for two monkeys so I had to change monkeys every 30 seconds. That doesn't work for a long time, as you understand. I had to change strategy. I figured I could burn them. The only problem was that even the bed caught fire. I had to put out that fire before I could continue burning my dead monkeys. Now I had one wet monkey in my toilet, two frozen monkeys in my freezer and 197 charred monkeys in the apartment. The smell wasn't improved.

I started feeling really irritated of my inability to get rid of the monkeys, or of not being able to use my toilet. I threw some of them out of the window to ease my aggression and it helped. Suddenly I felt better. Then I got the idea that I could run down and threw some in the trashcan outside my house. But the garbage collector came and told me that the city wouldn't take care of dead, burnt monkeys. I told him that I had a wet, but that didn't help. He told me that he couldn't take care of that one either. I didn't care asking about the two frozen. I was going insane but suddenly I found a solution. I gave them as presents. My friends didn't know what to say. They all said that they like them, but I could see that they were lying. I started feeling strange. I started laughing and hitting myself in my face. My friends laughed at me and I began laughing at them. We were laughing until I hit them in their faces. That's when they stopped laughing...

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