So you wanna know how to pick up? Well Mick is an expert in this area, so here's his step-by-step guide on how to get chicks!

Step 1. Mate, first we have to go and do some shopping. Go down to your local Coles or Woolies store and buy yourself the tightest Bonds singlet you can find, a couple of pairs of socks, a few tubs of gel, the tightest black pair of pants you can buy and one red, flanno shirt.

Step 2. Go to your favourite hairdresser and get a perm, then ask for your offcuts back for your chest.

Step 3. Go to your nearest car accessories shop and buy yourself a Porsche key ring holder and a pair of large furry dice.

Step 4. Call into a record bar and pick up the latest copy of "Saturday Night Fever", if you haven't already got it.

Step 5. Getting ready Mate, make sure you have a close shave, use heaps of Brute aftershave, splash some down your undies, you never know your luck.

Step 6. Find yourself a pair of socks and position them down the front of your undies, making sure they don't look like saddle bags on an elephant. The first thing a girl looks at is how big your bulge is, then she checks your arse out.

Step 7. Now put your clothes on, leaving your shirt open to show your new singlet. Borrow some gold from your mother or sister. Make sure your gold is hanging over your singlet - let them think your really loaded. Roll your sleeves right up, that gives you twice the muscle and makes you extra cool.

Step 8. Put on your white socks and your Colorado boots.

Step 9. Put heaps of hair gel on. Rub it right through your hair and brush your hair straight back.

Step 10. Stand in front of your mirror. Smile, have a chat with yourself, check your bulge out. Do this for 30 minutes. Do your best John Travolta pose.

Step 11. Once you get into your car, place your furry dice over the rear view mirror. Then wind all your windows down, put your "Saturday Night Fever" cassette in and turn it on full blast. Don't forget, when you're in traffic everyone around you wants to hear the words to the song.

Mate, you will notice the couple in the car beside you are looking at you, and the girl in the passenger seat is smiling at you. She's really checking out how cool you are. Give her a smile, wink your eye at her, and brush your hair back with your fingers, being very careful that the guy she's with doesn't spot you, especially if he's a big mother.

Step 12. When you get to the disco, park your car right out the front, it doesn't matter if its a no standing spot, that's just being cool, plus the fact that if you crack onto some big bloke's girl, you can piss off quicker.

The Big Approach

Buy yourself a drink and don't forget you only drink VB, then cruise around the disco and let all the girls know you're there. Give your car keys a shake, which by the way are hanging off the right side of your pants. Make sure your Porsche key ring is showing. Pick your chick. Now you have her in sight. She's looking straight at ya, you're looking at her tits, you're thinking to yourself not bad, not bad at all. She's really checking you out. Give her a smile then slowly turn around so she can check your arse out.

Damn, you've just realised that she's checking out the tall blond surfie right behind you. Don't panic, stay cool, don't give up, turn around and face her slowly, give her a smile, don't forget your a real 'Miner'. Your heart is really pumping, and you're thinking to yourself what's a unique line to hit her with? Ah, you've got it, so you got up to her, "Hi, do you come here often?" or the ever popular "Hi, do you have the time?"

She giggles and starts laughing and you know you're in. Now you ask her for her name. She tells you and you tell her your name and then offer to buy her a drink. She can't make up her mind, so you make a suggestion like a Coldie, VB or a good ol’ Jimmy Beam.

She agrees so you ask the bartender for 2 schooners, by now your making small talk, so you've got this great idea. Hey doll, "How about going for a drive." She agrees but quickly adds "I'm warning you I'm not that sort of girl" - we've all heard that before, right, and it usually means the opposite, so it's going to be a great night.

Outside you show her your pride and joy - no you're car! But she isn't at all impressed and is wondering where the Porsche is. So you quickly explain that you lent it to your brother for the night. "Besides this is a great car, look at all the chrome, the brilliant paint job and the luxury velvet interior." She's a bit hesitant and says she hopes her friends don't see her getting into it. Like a gentleman you open the car door for her and at last she gets in. YOU'VE GOT HER!

Half an hour later you're cruisin', the stereo is blasting out, "I’m too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car, too sexy by far", the car’s running well and you've got a chick by your side. Then you suggest that you should drive to your favourite look-out point.

You're there, steady now. However, she's still moaning about the car but you're confident now and start pointing out the ins and outs of your car. You show her the stereo, graphic equaliser and the six rear shelf speakers, the furry dice and you point out how cosy the all-round tinted windows make the interior of the car up here at the look-out and how nobody can see inside (like your younger brothers who like sneaking up on couples in cars and taking photos).

The music changes to, "I want to kiss you all over" and you suddenly remember the socks down your pants, so you explain that you need a leak. Five minutes later you're back and whispering sweet nothings in her ear and suggest you move into the back seat. Well you'll have to figure out the rest for yourself, 'cos Mick can't tell you everything (well atleast not on the internet!).