Chicks love Toranas! SSLOOK is the coolest number plate around and black is the only colour your car should be. These are the astounding revelations of secret documents released exclusively by the professional himself, Mick.

The survey found that 97% of the 1000 ladies surveyed - mostly chicks found at the Sunday night street drags or picked up from pubs and drive-ins - loved hotted up cars, and more importantly, their drivers.

Further findings indicate:

* 10% of chicks (as the report refers to them) prefer to be seen in all Ford Falcons - especially GT’s,

* 18% show a preference for Holden Commodores,

* 27% are overwhelmed by a Monaro’s style,

* a staggering 39% love the idea of cruising in a Torana,

* and the remaining 6% were too busy vacuuming their boyfriend's furry dice to comment.

But the make and model of the car was not the only thing chicks looked for.

Gone are the days when anyone could pop down to the used car yard and buy a Torry and pick up chicks. Now you have to have the right music, the right clothes and your interior has to be spot on, not to mention the license plates and bumper stickers. Chicks also look out for all these things.

The following is a list of recommendations put forward by the man who drives SSLOOK.

Dress

The way you look as you cruise along is probably the most important thing, mate. Chicks expect you to dress to suit your car. Here are some suggestions;

Torana - You own the most popular Holden ever made, so what you wear isn't that important since everyone keeps coming up to you to check out the car all the time. With all those people around your car, to make sure the chicks know that your the driver, wear a t-shirt with ‘Old Toranas never die, they just go faster’ on it, or if you can't find one, any t-shirt with grease stains will do.

Falcon GT HO Phase II - Your car is becoming a rare species, so why not wear clothes that are rarely seen any more. Chicks see a Falcon GT HO Phase II and they think of nylon body shirts, flared purple jeans that come up to your ribs with a zipper in the back and that kind of thing. Footwear should also be exclusively multicoloured platform shoes but make sure you remember to take them off before you plant your foot on the pedal.

Holden Kingswood - Congratulations! You're the genuine item. So, you're probably still wearing the Bonds singlet and Stubbies shorts you've been wearing for the last week. Your feet are showing off the brand new thongs you picked up on special at the $2 shop and you smell like a petrol station. Well done, looking like that you will have problems keeping the chicks away from you (or was it the other way around?).

Toyota - I recommend that you wear a bag over your head!

Music

Music is almost as important as dress. You see, it doesn't look right to chicks to see a legendary muscle car cruising down the street, the chrome gleaming, the engine roaring, the furry dice bouncing around and bloody Beethoven coming out of your speakers. Unless, you've decided to move-up market, like North Shore way, classical music is a no no. With the exception of Ravel’s Bolero which comes in handy for certain back seat situation - if you know what I mean.

Once again, the kind of music depends on the car you drive but, with a few exceptions, dance and techno always sounds great. For owners of American cars (or Aussie pre-1967 with Chev engines) 1950’s Rock n’ Roll is permissible, such as the king himself.

Torana SS and SLR 5000 drivers shouldn't have any music at all because the rumble of the engine should be music to peoples ears.

Also, it is important to know what to say to chicks about the music in your car. Never say you like anything a real lot because chicks’ll think that's all you play and get bored. Some good lines include, "Yeah, I like a couple of their tracks", "He's got some good stuff" and "She's hot at the moment". This will make it look like you know more about music then you actually do.

Advice for sound systems is simple and important - it has to be LOUD. To test this, put your system up full blast and walk around the corner of the pub. If you can still hear the music, its fine. If not, you need an amplifier. A good amplifier should have enough lights to blind passengers momentarily when you turn it on and the pavement should be shaking when the base is pumped up to full capacity - which it always should be. And don't forget to get a system with a remote control. It comes in handy when you find yourself in the back seat.

Drivers of Toyotas can disregard this section because, like everything else in the car, your tape deck is crap and the radio only gets AM.

Interior Design

Your stereo is not the only thing chicks look for when they step into your car. According to the report there are certain essentials that must be in the interior of your car. Absolutely essential is velvet covering every square inch of every available surface (preferably green or purple). Furry dice are also a must, as are sheep skins (preferably dead) on the seats. Of course no interior would be complete with-out an eight ball gear stick knob.

Other vital accessories include; a dimmer for your interior light, which should be aimed at the mirror ball suspended under it; a card index system in the glove box that can include false drivers licences, details of chicks you are going out with - especially likes and dislikes and any false names or lies you have told them, and parking stickers to suit all the occasions, eg. disabled stickers.

Exterior Designs

Of course in order for chicks to see the interior of your car, they must first be impressed by the exterior look. The following is a list of ways to make your car go faster without any mechanical improvements; striping, flared guards, mags, lots of chrome, sunroof, spoiler, bonnet scoop and the all important fox tail on the antenna.

Colour

Black. Nothing else will do.

Naming your car

Naming your car is also a crucial aspect of presenting the right image to attract chicks. A good name must give the car an aura of mystery that will draw attention to the driver.

The most successful names are: Black Magic; Midnight Magic; Magic Midnight and Black Midnight. In fact, anything with the words Magic, Midnight or Black is acceptable, as is any combinations of these that isn't listed here.

Toyota drivers are advised not to name their cars, but if they must, the report recommends: Midnight Junk; Black Junk; Junk Magic or Piece of Shit.

Licence Plates and Bumper Stickers

For those who preferred not to name their cars, licence plates or bumper stickers are recommended to attract attention. The most memorable plates according to chicks surveyed were:

1. SSLOOK (of course!)

2. SXE12C

3. STUD 01 (or any of the STUD series including, STUD 02, STUD 03, etc)

4. RU EZ

5. UB6IB9

6. VIRGIN

7. 6 APEAL

8. RU 16 (In Tasmania RU 12 is permissible)

9. KISSME

10. HOT

For their own cars chicks liked, SPUNKY, SEXY, FOXY, CHEEKY, - in fact anything with a "Y" at the end of it.

Toyota drivers, it is recommended you go for the sticker which states, "My other car is also a piece of shit."

At this stage, if you have been following the recommendations then your car should be at a stage that interests the chicks. Now comes the most important part - performance.

Performance

This section is divided up into two categories - cruising and parking. Both are equally important, and it is recommended you put in a lot of practise before actually trying this in public or you may look retarded.

Cruising

In order to get the most of your cruising, you must remember - go slowly. You need to do this to get a nice throaty sound out of your engine as you pass by chicks on the street. If you can't get that sound then drill a hole in your exhaust.

Remember to bring sun tan oil because one of your arms must always be out the window. Make the best use of your stereo by having it up full bore. As mentioned before, check to see if the pavement is rumbling, because if its not, you're not loud enough. Another good sign is shop windows shaking and old ladies bleeding from their ears as you pass.

If someone waves at you, don't wave back. Only a dag waves from a car. Nod your head and raise your hand slightly, but never smile unless its a girl.

If you smile at a chick and she smiles back, swing your car into the curb quickly to make the wheels shriek as you stop. If she doesn't smile back, look past her into the shop window and fix your hair in the reflections.

Singing along with the music is a no no, but mouthing the words is acceptable.

Idling at the lights is necessary - unless you go straight through the red ones - so this must also be made to look cool. Keep revving your engine, put the music a notch louder and tap out the beat on the steering wheel to show you don't care you got caught at the lights. A good place to practise all this is in the garage at home, but never with the door closed, especially if you have the engine running.

Parking

Unfortunately, there are going to be times when you'll have to leave your car and at these times it is important to make sure that it looks as good as possible.

Always look for angle parking and make sure its at the end of the row so your car is clearly seen. It is important that you allow passers-by a good three quarter view of the car.

Chicks also find out a lot about you by where you have parked.. Supermarket car parks are definitely out. If your mother makes you take her shopping, drive around while she is inside so no-one sees your car there.

But where you park your car depends on the time of day it is and chicks expect to see you at certain places at different times. Here is a rough timetable for parking:

Morning (Until 11.30am) - You should be parked in your drive-way and half on the front lawn. Don't worry what the old man says about the grass, remember the all important three quarter view.

Afternoon (12 noon - 5.00pm) - Part of the afternoon your car should be left outside a pub but, for most of it, a mate's garage is ideal. That way it appears that you are always making improvements on your car and it will only get better and better.

Early Evening (5.00pm - 9.30pm) - Outside a mates place, preferably half on the footpath and blocking his father's car. At this time, you should always be near the car, leaning on it to show you're the owner. (Never lean on the duco or let anyone else lean on it, as this is a sign that you are not serious about the car). At these times make sure you are talking to your mates about something that is unimportant, so you can stop in mid sentence when a chick walks by.

Night (9.30pm + ) - Night clubs. But only if you park within 20 metres of the door. If not drive around all night until a parking spot opens up. After all, what would you rather be doing, dancing or driving?

Toyota drivers are recommended to try and hide their car where no-one can see it, no matter what time of the day it is.