Downward Spirals' End 

Contemplating the blade, 
I look to the edge that will steal my life, 
looking for answers. 
The glittering closeness of the steel 
laughing at me. 
Hate and hurt, bitter like poison 
Rise in the back of my throat, 
I open my mouth to scream and say instead 
"I'm alright..." 
nothing but a puppet to the demons that hide inside. 
Falling into the abyss with no parachute, 
Rebelling with no hope in my life, 
The one I truly love beyond my grasp, 
Maddening the mind. 
A silent scream for healers' help 
The blood of my weakening sanity 
flowing form wounds deep 
Still I beat myself against the ancient 
rusty cage of control. 
Sweet freedom close but lost forever... 
The Atlantis of my soul. 

Sydney Maddox, 4/3/01