Making your wedding meaningful and unique
I have attended so many cookie-cutter weddings, each indistinguishable from the other. Why do people lose their creativity in wedding planning? (not my official question). What are some sweet, meaningful and unique touches to have at a wedding ceremony and reception? Or websites? Thank you so much.
I was thinking of your question earlier today when I was doing some on-line research for a client in another state. I found a very fine wedding site that could provide her with local contacts, but I was drawn to explore one page which heralded "unique wedding ideas". The page was quite informative, and had many interesting wedding ideas listed, so I'm sure it's a useful page for visitors. As a matter of fact, I plan to link to that site from my own because it does have good information.
However, I was struck, as I often am when bridal magazines and books and other resources start putting forth "unique ideas", that it takes more than doing "something new" to make a wedding ceremony and reception special. What makes a detail meaningful is the way it expresses or represents some aspect of the couple's unique relationship, personalities, values, style, etc. That's not something you can package and popularize, but many in this industry either don't realize or will not admit this fact.
Your question showed something about your expectation, because you said not only unique, but meaningful and sweet-- two of my favorite terms for describing the best weddings! I think that it's the *meaningful* that makes people remember a wedding with pleasure for years, not the "unique". "Unique" most impresses people who know a lot about weddings, attend a lot of weddings, or are involved in the industry. "Unique" also sells things; no wonder it's popular with magazines, authors and vendors.
In the most memorable and meaningful weddings, unique ideas come from creative thinking (again, a point you made) and insight. I can give you some general examples of the consideration and thought processes, and if you want more specific ideas, send me more details, and I'll be happy to brainstorm with you a bit.
~ Selective adherence to tradition and trends is one way to tailor your wedding results. I always recommend couples only include traditions that *mean something to them* and which work for their circumstances.
So many of my clients skip the bouquet toss, for example, because they know it won't "go over all that well", and they make some other decision about what to do with the bouquet (give it to someone special, keep it, turn it into potpourri and give that to the maids, etc.)
Even numbers of attendants is another "rule" many of my clients break. They find that it's more meaningful to choose their maids and groomsmen by sentimental reasons, than to pick people "to fill the gown" or tux, so to speak. Then they are surrounded by the people who matter to them most, and they avoid some of the problems and superficiality of adding or subtracting people just to keep the numbers even. There are plenty of ways to handle the inequity in numbers during processional, recessional, photos, etc.
~ Using theme, mood, location, food, etc., to express themselves is another way couples can really personalize their weddings. It's popular now to have theme or destination weddings, but in and of themselves, these weddings are often unique-- but not always meaningful. Theme for theme's sake means nothing.
But when guests attend the wedding of a true "fairy tale" couple (and I've known a few), and that wedding has a storybook theme or quality, that might feel just right and make a truly lasting impression.
Or when a couple meets through a special hobby or activity-- like hiking or sailing or historical reenactments, for example-- a wedding at a trailhead (or the summit of a mountain), on a boat or at the harbor, or with an elaborate historical theme, could be used to share that story and express that aspect of the couple's life and love.
~ Careful selection of vows, readings, program/invitation text, music and other spoken/written details can really give guests a glimpse of the couple's feelings and relationship. Not every couple feels the deep devotion for a quote like this:
I have for the first time found what I can truly love-- I have found you...a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my center and spring of life, wraps my existence about you-- and, kindling in pure powerful flame, fuses you and me in one. Charlotte Bronte, from "Jane Eyre"
but for the couple that it *does* suit, using something like this as a reading, or in the invitation or program, can really provide a meaningful touch. The same goes for a couple with a light-hearted, happy relationship using wit, etc. There are many "popular" readings and quotations, but taking the time to find a really *appropriate* piece -- or to write one! -- can really set the mood, make an impact, tell the story of a couple's love.
Music is also VERY influential and expressive. Most of my clients end up choosing some music piece other than the traditional wedding march for either all or part of the processional-- not because it's not a lovely piece of music (and not because of the sort of bizarre protestations I've heard about it's inappropriate origins), but because the processional is *such* a wonderful opportunity to create atmosphere, enhance theme, make a statement of sentiments. Whether you choose classical or contemporary, vocal or instrumental, the processional music possibilities are limited only by the practical constraints of tempo and length.
~ Facing each wedding decision as an **opportunity** to express themselves, rather than a challenge to conform to some traditional or societal expectation (as illustrated above for processional music) is another key to creating a satisfying and memorable wedding.
In all my professional work, as well as in my book and on-line, it's important to me to pass on to couples the idea that wedding planning-- and weddings themselves-- *can* be enjoyable and expressive, and don't have to be the stressful, commercial, and ludicrously expensive experiences both the bridal industry and many average people currently tend to describe them as. All it takes is an ability to focus on your own priorities and expectations, an ability to think flexibly and creatively about your options, and good information so you know what those options are.
I hope that these general thoughts have given you some inspiration about how to create a more meaningful and distinctive wedding. You might also enjoy some of the articles on my website, listed below. You might also benefit from a visit to your local library. There are quite a number of interesting books available about wedding planning, including my own, "A Bride's Touch: A Handbook of Wedding Personality and Inspiration".
In other books (for instance, Weddings from the Heart by Daphne Rose Kingma) there are also lots of wonderful ideas, just keep in the back of your mind the idea that a "good" idea is only really useful when it's meaningful or appealing or appropriate to YOU. In mine, the whole point of the book is to help you sift through the options and ideas out there for weddings and find or create what's appropriate, appealing and affordable to create a wedding you and your guests will love.