White and off-white in wedding color schemes--
I will be wearing a white gown for my wedding, and having fresh flowers for my bouquet. I am concerned because I have seen that some "white" flowers are not really white at all, but pale cream, green, yellow, etc. Can these different "whites" be used together? And can you tell me how to choose the flowers which will look the best?
Mixing "whites" and "off-whites" can be tricky. A lot of the considerations are based on personal taste and your individual situation, but here are a few techniques which will help you make your decisions.
Using the kinds of off-whites you mentioned with a pure white gown is usually not a big problem. At worst, the flowers may look comparatively greenish or yellowish. Your florist may be able to mix white and not-quite-white flowers for a pretty, varied or shaded look which will still highlight the brighter white of your gown.
If you don't like that look, make it clear to your florist that you want the "whitest" flowers possible. Many flower varieties are available in several "shades" of white/cream/ivory (roses, gladiola, and stock (matthiola) for instance), so plan to use the brightest available white. Other flower varieties are never pure white; use these sparingly or avoid them.
If your gown and flower tones were reversed-- ivory/cream gown with white flowers-- you would have more potential problems. Bright white flowers can make an ivory/cream gown look dirty or yellow by comparison. In this case, the brightest tones can be kept to the center of the arrangement and used with other off-whites closer to the gown to soften the transition.
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The gown and flowers are not the only items for which brides may have to consider a white and off-white interplay--so for other brides, here are some suggestions.
Matching to snow white-- In general, it is easier to match bright white with other wedding items than to match ivory/candlelight/cream-- except for flowers (as described above) and frosting. Do people actually match their frosting, you may ask? Some do and some don't. Buttercream frosting is an off-white which some brides feel does not look good with their bright white decorations (flowers, favors, etc.) Brighter white frosting is possible when made from shortening, but some couples prefer the butter taste, so it is a matter of personal preference.
Matching to ivory/candlelight/cream-- Off-white is often harder to match to accessories than white. Generally fewer styles of shoes, headpieces, stockings, etc., are available in ivory/cream/candlelight, than in white. This can be quite frustrating, but it doesn't have to cause a crisis.
I have seen bridal advice columnists suggest just using white items (stockings, shoes, etc.) or components (lace, beads, veiling, etc.) with an off-white gown, because "no one will notice the difference anyway"; but in 13 years I have never had to suggest that to a bride. We were always able to come up with a good option which matched. This was not to please the guests, but to satisfy the brides, who didn't like the look of mixed white and off-white.
I did once combine snow white and winter white fabrics in a custom gown, but only because (1) the rose-patterned brocade the bride wanted did not come in snow white, (2) the bride and I liked the look of the two fabrics together and with the other decorations, and (3) using the winter white on the side, back and skirt actually had a pleasantly slimming effect on the bride. So each bride must decide according to her own tastes and circumstances.
Formal wear is also sometimes a problem when the bride's "base" color is an off-white. The most common concern is whether the groom and/or groomsmen can wear white shirts or dinner jackets, or if they must choose ivory/cream. Many couples opt for white because of personal preference, but it is important to consider the overall effect of your wedding as well as each individual detail.
General considerations-- Photography will help shape your memories of the day, and some couples find that mixed whites and off-whites are especially distracting or unattractive in photos.
If you decide to mix white and off-white tones, you can soften the effect by using the closest match possible, or using a range of slightly different tones. Another technique I have seen is for couples to use both white and an off-white as "wedding colors"-- using white shirts with cream dinner jackets, mixed white and cream flowers, etc.-- so the tones are mixed "on purpose".
If you are trying to stick with only off-white, and find items you need or want in only white, try to be flexible and creative. Here are a few ideas to consider:
The tone of some white trims can be softened by tea dying; larger items or fabrics might be dyed using RIT or similar product (check fabric content for dye compatibility, and do a test, if at all possible, for best results).
Look at similar products available in off-white to see if perhaps they might work as well as the white product that originally caught your eye.
Lace patterns, silk flower shapes, pre-made veils, etc., are often quite similar in style/motif, and sometimes it means more to have the "matching" item than it does to have a particular style.
Consider a totally different style. If you can't find ivory tulle for your veil, for example, perhaps you could get appealing results with a veil of ivory chiffon or organza. If you can't find ivory stockings you like, perhaps you could wear skin tone instead, and add distinction to your leg wear with an extra special garter (see directions) or decorated shoes.
Weigh your priorities. Decide if the white item is more important to you than any color matching problem it might cause.
Only you can decide what will be happy with your wedding results.