In my instance, I loved too much. I truly loved my ex. I was ready to move halfway across the world to be with him, give up my life in the States and make one with him abroad, leaving everything familiar and comfortable. I went to see him for Christmas 2007, to meet his family. While I was there, I gave up something I can never get back, which resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. By the time I was aware that I'd even been pregnant, it was too late. I'd miscarried. A little girl. By that time, we were over. He'd called it quits. I felt so lost and alone, my arms so empty. I mourned our daughter on my own. Finally, a few months after I miscarried, I got up the courage to tell him. Of course, he said he was sorry I had to go through that alone. Damage was done. I named her Alexabeth Catharine Marie, after three of the most important women in my life. She continues to live on in my heart, and there isn't a day that goes by that she's not on my mind. This page is for her, for my precious angel. I hope that the poetry I post for her, and the music, can go to help some other grieving mother. This is something no one should have to go through alone. ~Allacea |
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Bottles & Miracles You were proof of miracles, For a small time atleast, You gave me a reason to stop the tears, To look to the future, To hope and dream... I had your name picked out, Looked at so many little clothes, Decided on bottles and colors, Even considered frills and bows... I'd bought lullaby CD's and blankets, Pacifiers and teething rings, Started looking at maternity clothes; I loved you before I knew you, Before I was even sure you were there, Yet, God had another plan For you, my angel He needed you more upstairs... I'll never get to hold you in my arms, Never get to rock you to sleep, Never hear your tiny cry, Or see your bright little smile, Yes, I know it's probably for the best, God knows what He's doing, But that doesn't keep me from Missing you or loving you... You'll always be a part of me I'll forever carry you under my heart. Unfair Right about now I should be holding you in my arms I should be counting your little toes And your tiny fingers I should be waking up to you Crying at odd hours, anxious for your bottle Or changing your dirty diapers I should be giving you sponge baths And swaddling you up in a warm pink blanket Singing you lullabies Not mourning your loss Not writing poetry to express my anger For the unfairness of our demise Not standing here with empty arms And a void in my heart You shouldn't already be in Heaven You should be learning to crawl To sit up To talk But fate wasn't in our favor And I sit here without you My precious little angel girl && i miss u I hear you laughing in the wind I see you in every baby I come across The same blue eyes That soft blonde hair That smile of your daddy's I loved so much It comforts me to know your with Jesus To know this world will never have you That you'll always be my Innocent baby girl And I miss you More than you'll ever know I saw you... Precious angel of mine I saw your smile today I saw your sparkling eyes Your baby-soft hair I watched you take each wobbly step Across the sand towards me My arms ached to hold you... Than another woman scooped you up And carried you away from me I watched you fade from my sight My heart breaking again My arms so very empty I knew it was wishful thinking To believe losing you would ever get easier It doesn't, it just gets harder With every baby I see I miss you a little more I cry a little harder And another moment goes by without you I wish... Sweet little darling I wish I could have given you Life I wish that you could have Laughed Smiled Cried I wish I could have Held you Sang to you Now you rest above In the Father's arms Until you can finally rest In mine Lost What would it have been like To hold you in my arms To have endured endless hours of labor To finally hear the doctor say "It's A Girl" and to have heard your cry To have had you rest on my chest Felt you suckle for the first time To have had you wrap your little fist Around my finger To see those beautiful blue eyes As you finally opened them to view the world Eyes like your daddy, his ancestral trait You might have had chestnut hair Like your aunt Laura Now I guess I'll never know I'll never feel you kick Never hear you cry Never dress you Or feed you a bottle Or change your dirty diapers I'm left empty, a hole in my heart So big you could drive a tractor right thru it And I've cried enough to drown the world But it hasn't helped fill this void I miss you more and more each day If only I could have sustained you, my angel Precious Little Angel Girl My precious little angel girl I'm so sorry you couldn't stay You were too good for this earth So God whisked you away Life just threw a curve I didn't have any warning I wasn't even sure you existed My precious baby, I'm so sorry I sit around at night Imagining what it would've been like To rock you to sleep To sing you lullabies To just hear your little baby laugh I wonder what I did wrong To have you taken from me I cry because I don't have you I cry because you're not with me I won't get to see your little face I'm sure you would've had Your daddy's blue eyes Probably his blonde hair too I never got to hold you Never felt your little feet kick Never had the chance to hear Your tiny heartbeat But I loved you from the moment You were made Sweet angel, my baby girl My Alexabeth |
