As the movie neared the end Xanda started to drift off into her own little world. The cry...she remembered it so well. It seemed so healthy, so...perfect. She couldn't believe how happy she was. Nothing else mattered. Not until the nurses started running about yelling out something about not breathing. Then the doctors came in. Things became blurry after that. The last thing she remembered, the one memory she wished she could forget was when the doctor came to sit next to her. They were calm and quiet. One sighed, another looked straight at her without any expression. She knew what they had to say but she couldn't prepare herself for it as the words came hurling at her, "your son is dead". The tears came fast. She didn't even realize she had started to sob as they continued to explain what had happened. Underdeveloped lungs, underweight, an awful pregnancy, too much stress. They all played a vital role in the death of her son.

"Xanda!" Brian yelled as he shook her shoulders. Xanda quickly snapped out of her thoughts and realized that she had been crying all the while. Brian couldn't stop her. "You were talking aloud, Xanda." Brian explained as she buried her head into his chest. She needed something to cry on and AJ was no longer around. "C'mon, you need some rest." Brian said as he helped her to her feet.

"Yeah, I should go to bed." Xanda said as she wiped at the tears. She slowly stood and stared up at the stairs she was about to walk up.

"You know, if you want to talk about it I'll listen." Brian offered. Xanda didn't reply as she walked past him up the stairs.

***

After a while and a quick run home to call Nick to make plans for the following morning, Brian quietly walked up stairs to make sure Xanda was alright. AJ's words rang in the back of his mind; "keep an eye on her for me." 'What are friends for anyway?' Brian thought as he tried to figure an excuse to convince himself and the other guys on why he was at Xanda's house in the first place.

Once he got to the second floor he wondered which room was hers. "Hmmmm...." he hummed as he looked from one door to another. "I'm guessin' that one," he said with a grin, pointing at the room that seemed furthest from his house.

He quietly walked over to the door and tapped. When he didn't hear any reply he turned the knob and walked in. He was surprised to find Xanda sitting on her bed looking at a photo album while listening to soft music.

"Oh, uh, hi! Um, I didn't mean to barge in..."

"It's okay, Brian. I don't mind." Xanda smiled back at him.

"Okay." He replied, shifting his weight from one leg to another, unsure where he should stand or even if he should stay. While mentally debating the issues Xanda started to laugh at a photo. Curiosity got the best of him and Brian ended up walking over to her bed to get a glimpse of the photo over her shoulder.

"Where did you get that!?" Brian asked in horror. "Er, I mean, when did HE get that?"

Xanda stopped laughing long enough to explain. "I took this a year ago when I was on tour with you guys. AJ decided to get another tattoo in a 'secret' location and I did my best to take a picture of it. I can't really tell you where the tattoo is located because he made me promise but you can pretty much guess by looking at the picture."

"Why didn't he tell us?" Brian asked as he took the photo from Xanda to get a better look.

"Probably because he didn't want you guys to know that a man had been there." Xanda explained.

***

For the next three hours Brian and Xanda continued to go over photos of the guys, the past tour, fans, and even personal photos of Xanda's family.

"Who's that?" Brian asked, pointing to a striking woman holding a little bundle in her arms.

"The loaf of bread look-a-like is me and that woman would be my mom, probably." Xanda muttered. Brian knew the story behind her mother and knew better than to touch that subject.

Brain saw a stack of photos in the bottom of her photo box and grabbed the first one he saw. What caught his attention was how happy Xanda looked; the glow of her flesh and twinkle in her eyes or what could be seen of her eyes. Her smile was so large that her cheeks almost made her eyes non existent. When he pulled the photo out he quickly regretted it. Xanda was standing with a good looking man who had his arms around her expanding waistline. He quickly turned over the photo before Xanda got a glimpse of it and saw '5 months pregnant with Andrew' written on the back.

"Which photo is that?" She questioned when she saw him from the corner of her eye trying to figure out a way to put it back without her seeing.

"Um, nothing. Old tour photo." He quickly explained as he placed it back into the box. Xanda, knowing that he was lying, turned around and grabbed the photo out of the box and was about to playfully scold him for lying but quickly stopped when she saw the photo.

"I tried to put it away before you saw it..." Brian said in his attempt at an apology. Xanda felt queasy and realized that the tears were flowing again. "I'm sorry, Xanda. I tried to put it away before you saw it..." Brian explained again.

"It's not your fault. I kept those photos for sentimental reasons. I figured it would stop hurting after a while and then I could look at them and remember how happy, and how miserable, I was.    ...When does it stop hurting?" Xanda desperately asked hoping that Brian had the answers.