Long after the water turned cold Xanda slowly sat up and turned off the shower. She climbed out the tub and stood there shivering as she tried to remember what to do next. The idea occured to her. "A towel." She told her reflection in the mirror. "That's probably a good idea." She walked out of the bathroom dripping wet to look for a clean towel and stumbled upon one in her bedroom that she had used the night before. "It's clean enough." She remarked as she wrapped her body in the soft cloth.

She walked around her room thinking of nothing. Little ideas, thoughts, and memories zoomed through her mind but none of them stayed long enough for her to stop and think about them not until the words "blessings" echoed in her mind. Xanda stood in front of one of her walk in closets and tried to ignore what she was hearing. She grabbed a pair of jeans and a tank top and walked back over to her bed. She tried to dress herself while she concentrated on the word as it echoed in her mind. She couldn't figure out the voice in which the word belonged to but she didn't care. There was a reason it kept interferring in her thoughts.

Xanda was completely dressed and sitting in front of the wall-sized mirror as she tried to do her makeup when it hit her. It was AJ who she kept hearing in her head. It occured to her that she was having a hard time with the fact that he was in love with someone. Someone other than herself. "He's moving on. Get over it." She told herself. "Am I okay with this?" She began to ask herself aloud as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. "Why am I having such a hard time with this? Why does this bother me?"

Xanda shook her head determined to forget about it. AJ was moving on and was a better man for it. She should be happy to know that she had a hand in that but she wasn't. Xanda stood up and decided to go into her study to do some work before she went out to meet Howie for dinner. She didn't want to let their new "tradition" break before it was even born. He was a sweet man, treated her like a sister and she was determined to have a normal relationship with at least one man in her lifetime. If it was a sister-brother relationship then so be it. At least it was something in her life.

Before she could think about her plans for the night Xanda remembered all the work she left at her office and cursed aloud. Even though she dreaded doing it she knew she would have to cancel on dinner with Howie. Before she thought of anything else Xanda quickly placed a phone call to Howie's voicemail and told him she had too much work left over from the office to do and would have to cancel. She hated doing it but she couldn't see herself leaving home that night.

Xanda walked downstairs, into her study, and quickly booted up her computer. She read over the dozen or so faxes that she had received while she was at lunch with AJ and tossed them into a "to-do" stack. She zipped through her emails and made a few notes on her office calendar when one date on the calendar caught her attention. She double checked it then glanced up at the year. She felt a knot catch in her throat and knew it had to be wrong.

"It's been two years! Why can't you just let it go!? Stop it, just stop it! Forget it." She yelled to herself. She pushed the calendar off her desk and burried her head into her arms as she softly cried onto the desktop. All the while thinking 'you don't live in the past, remember? You tell everyone that. So why do you keep remembering it? Keep acting upon it? Why do you keep letting it hurt you?'

Xanda heard the doorbell ring and groaned. She wiped away the tears and straightened out her hair. She quickly got out of her chair and walked towards the frontdoor. She glanced at her reflection in the hallway mirror and frowned. No one would believe that she was fine but she had to pretend. Without even looking to see who was at the door she opened it.

"Hey Xanda, how...Xanda? Are you okay?" Kevin asked with deep concern when he saw her face.

"I'm fine, Kevin." She smiled at him. "It's just allergies. I really don't feel good." She offered as an explaination. It was half true, afterall. She didn't have allergies but she didn't feel good.

"Okay, if you say so. Anyway, this is Dayna. Dayna, this is Xanda the one who let us borrow her car this weekend." Kevin introduced the two women.

'I am so not in the mood to place hostess.' Xanda thought as the women shook hands and said small polite greetings to one another. "Kevin, I really don't want to be rude but I'm just not in the mood for company. You understand..."

"Of course! I just wanted to return your car and thank you. My car's air conditioning went out at the last minute and you were my last hope other than a rental and honestly, I just wanted to drive your car." Kevin explained hoping to make Xanda cheer up.

"I know, I figured as much." Xanda grinned, her eyes filled to the brim with fresh tears.

"Well, here are your keys. Dayna followed me over here with my car now that it's fixed so I won't be needing yours anymore. I guess we'll let you go. Feel better hun." Kevin said as he gave Xanda a quick hug.

"Thanks." She mumbled.

"Nice meeting you!" Dayna called out over her shoulder as she and Kevin walked away hand in hand.