2.08.03 The New Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles The wave of 80s nostalgia continues with its latest victim, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He-Man, Care Bears, Transformers, and now TMNT, they are all coming back with an updated slick style and a need to make a quick buck for desperate unoriginal media conglomerates. So how does this new show stand up? How about a few gripes to start out. Primary is probably the animation style. While it looks nice and matches the original Eastman and Laird style than the previous cartoon adaptation, the individual turtles' faces aren't particularly expressive. Half the time they all look exactly the same save their mask color and weapons. Apparently the animators noticed this too since they all seem to be holding their weapons throughout the entire episode, even if they weren’t in a combat situation. Frankly I'm also disappointed by the complete lack of the word "Pizza", I mean if there is anything the turtles are known for more than being ninjas and turtles it's pizza. Also I was expecting some sort of origin episode to start off, but I suppose that could always come later. The show in general seems to be a bit more sophisticated than its previous incarnation was (or at least was in later episodes). I can't see these turtles hanging out in a snow filled museum with a couple of dumbass kids hunting down the Great Boldini. So anyway, the first episode starts off with the turtles training in the sewers with their master, Splinter. Suddenly they are assaulted by a horde of Mousers, one good highlight of the episode, the Mousers were always one of my favorite enemies of the Turtles. Small robots that attack by the hundreds doing nothing but chewing on anything that gets in the way. Fortunately the Mousers are also smart and they chew away the support columns causing the roof to collapse. The turtles all end up on one side with Splinter on the other, all of them are now without a home. Donatello pulls out his "Shell Cell" to give Splinter a call which results in Splinter pushing random buttons for a minute or two trying to make the phone work. This whole scene, while somewhat funny, almost made me want to hate the whole show. I guess it's just updated for today’s times but I really hate the use of the term "Shell Cell" over the old "TurtleComm". I can almost sympathize with poor Splinter, this whole new set up all just feels wrong. It's all too "hip", CURSE YOU ALL YOU WIPPERSNAPPER PUNK KIDS! So anyway, they decide to meet up at a junction in the sewer, unfortunately the Turtles have no choice but to head topside to get out of their stone prison. The plan is to head back down through the next manhole they find but things go bad when a van full of punks stops over top of the manhole cover they were planning to go down. Raphael is preparing to push the truck out of the way, (Yeah sure, mutant or no I don't think you could push an armored car Raph) but the punks return before he has a chance. In a bout of cunning quick ninja thinking Raph makes the smart choice and jumps in the back of the truck to hide. I think we can all see where this is going, and I think we can all agree the roof of the truck would have been a much better place to hide than IN the truck. So of course Raph gets locked in the truck with bags of stolen cash while Don, Leo, and Mikey all chase after along the rooftops. Eventually the truck reaches its destination. Donatello makes quick work picking the electronic lock while Mike taunts Raph through the window. As soon as the door is open, Raph come flying out an attacks Mike. This leads into the next complaint. I'm sure it's just because it's the first episode and all, and I know I already know what the turtles are, but I didn't really feel the personalities were very well shown. Raph's sole purpose seemed to be to attack Mike, Mike's seemed to do nothing but make fun of Raph, Don has all these gadgets, but we don't get any sort of crazy explanations, or anything, he just has them. Leo is the best I suppose, though he still just comes off as a guy who is kissing too much Rat Ass. It's like they took whatever personality they each had and summed it down one trait. Like I said, it's still the first episode. They are interrupted by the return of the Punks, only this time instead of hiding the Turtles make quick work of them in combat. I'd like to take a moment here to mention that none of these guys really look like future mutants (Rocksteady and Bebop) but I suppose it's possible. I almost forgot, somewhere along this whole trip we cut a few times to Splinter who is wondering where his "Sons" are. Another bright shinny spot that almost makes up for the abhorrent, blatant cell phone references earlier. Also, Splinter is attacked by more Mousers, this time he actually fights back instead of just cowering in fear like the true Ninja Master he is. Back to the Turtles, the punks are now defeated but a new menace of "Ninja-like" soldiers show up and start mixing it up. These are of course, Footsoldiers. And these new Foot aren't going ot take things lying down, they are tough and quick and they send the turtles packing. With no other options left the Turtles jump into the armored truck and speed off. I would like to point out that if you've seen or heard anything about the Turtle Van for this new series, you would have known the guys would run off in this van. They both look exactly the same, only this unpainted van is more blue and less green. The Turtles make their rendezvous with Splinter, who apparently finished off the Mousers (they never show it). Splinter leads them to the new lair he found while battling the Mousers. Finally we get one final scene of the lead Punk talking to a "Sinister Japanese Guy" in a sort of Dojo. One can only guess that this is in fact Shredder (PS it is). It also seems that instead of living in a bad ass huge tank with a disembodied brain this new Shredder lives in a huge office building in downtown New York. All in all it was pretty good with potential to get better. Casey Jones, and April O'Neil both show up in the opening, so I imagine they will be regular cast members. The previews for the next episode feature April fairly predominantly as well as Baxter Stockman and his Mouser factory. It should be pretty good.