10.27.02
Morrowind
   
   Time for a good old fashioned game bashing. Up on the chopping block today? Elder
Scrolls 3: Morrowind of course. Oh man, what a monster, in the worst sense. Let's start
off by saying all I've heard about is how "great" this game is, or how "addicting" it
is. Several people around school, several people on the internet I know, I think at 
least one TV review on Cartoon Network (a prime source for quality reviews....) all 
rave about this horrible piece of shit.
  
    I should probably mention I had planned to have some screen shots to go with this 
review except apparently I have to manually configure the ini files to allow screen 
shots to be taken. The game itself tells me this when I press the "print screen" key. 
Am I the only one who sees how horribly asinine this is? Why not just program print 
screen to take a screen shot instead of programming it to tell me how to set up the 
program to take a fucking screen shot? I suppose I could have quit out and set up the 
game as instructed but I had already deleted this shitty game in a fit of disgust and 
seeing as this was the second time I'd done this in 2 days I figure trying to play a 
third time would be too much. So instead I've replace the Morrowind Screenshots with 
some Half Life images. You know, to help ease the horrible pain. 
  

    What's wrong. For starters, don't bother with this game unless you have a 2003 
release Voodoo GeForce ATI Extreme Ultra 512gb Plus video card. The programmers didn't 
bother to consider some people may have out of date hardware so even at the closest 
"fog level" you still have miles of open space that needs to be rendered. Maybe they 
need some sort of option for turning off textures or something, which would probably 
greatly help this game look better anyway seeing as the models and textures on these 
people are some of the ugliest since Deus Ex. I spent like 20 minutes just picking my 
head model because a) I was unsatisfied with all of the choices and couldn't decide 
between the ugly human with the horrible hair style or the even uglier human with the 
slightly less horrible hair style and b) The mouse moved about the screen pretty much 
randomly as my poor computer tried to continue rendering town behind the menu. Honestly 
part of the problem with the head models is that the only hair styles available are 
"bald" and "receding hairline". I mean maybe I don’t want to look like a 50 year old 
priest, maybe I want to look like oh.... a warrior of some sort. So after finally 
choosing a hairstyle I make my way into the nearby home as instructed by some guy with 
armored boots. 
  
     I figured maybe the frame rate would increase some now that I was indoors and I 
didn't have to render an area roughly the size of New York to the screen but alas, I 
was mistaken. So I found I was doomed to walk around staring at the ground for all 
eternity (the game has a playable frame rate if you don't have anything important to 
look at). After answering some questions and being assigned the class of "archer" I was 
instructed to give my papers to the guard at the exit. So I pilfered everything in the 
house and then proceeded into the town. The game mentioned going to some location in the 
town but since I couldn't move while looking at buildings I was forced to stumble around 
staring at my feet till I happened upon a door that wasn't locked. Once inside I met a 
creepy monster woman who seems to want to give me information but since I was already 
bored from the 20 minute walk across town (about 50 feet), I was not interested in 
reading 500 pages of boring text information. Instead I proceed to steal all her 
belongings and then stab her. Well, I tried to stab her, repeatedly, while she punched 
back at me. Apparently I didn't even manage to scratch her in those hundred or so wild 
swings because she eventually knocked me out and killed me or something. Now unless you 
are Jackie Chan, you don’t win a fight against a guy with a knife using only your fists. 
  
    I'm probably lucky this game didn't work out really. Or maybe I'm just getting 
smarter in my old age. The game reeked completely of Diablo 2 in almost every possible 
aspect. Not really as a rip off but just in terms of gameplay and such. I know had I 
started seriously playing, a week later I would have realize how completely pointless 
the whole shit was because all I'd done for 96 hours straight was kill rats or snakes 
or something and gain 3 levels. That's not gameplay, that's just fucking retarded. So 
after deleting this shit game I installed Counterstrike and proceeded to play a game 
that is still at least moderately worthwhile.