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Yes my friends, I have returned home. First, allow me to type out a journal entry I had written with pen on the 30th of December. 12/30/02: I am staying in Groveland with Donna, a good friend of my families. My parents are here with me as well. This entire home is so incredibly relaxing. I'm living a life of total and complete rapture - not a single argument has arisen here, and it seems as though the entire home emits a peaceful and welcoming feeling. Here, I feel a quiet home away from home, where my worries, stress, and problems are consciously washed away. Steppenwolf is an amazing book, and Hesse is indeed an incredible author. I find it so incredibly fascinating how all of his thoughts are resolved and completed in the "mind for madmen only" To emphasize my rapture, I'll share with you that I slept close to 15 hour yesterday - I have no stress, no anxiety - I think of my homework and it does not effect me, only influence my train of thought in this material realm. I am so content. --End Entry-- And now, the beginning of a new process of thought. I have returned from my sojourn in Groveland, and sit now with my parakeet on my shoulder ecstatic to have me home once again. We just got in from Chinese food and a movie - supposedly the movie cost us $3.00 each, "Tightwad Tuesday" or some such thing . . . I'll have to learn more of it so I can see more movies at a less costly price. I did not finish Steppenwolf, it was very difficult to do so with the great deal of distractions I had during my hours of being awake. My parents would whisper, talk, or do some other means to distract from my studies of Hesse's diction unintentionally, so I shall finish the book in the hours of morning which they sleep. (Which oftentimes seems not many). It would seem negative to mention, however I find it important to state that I am becoming stressed and disappointed with the petty ironic statements made by people, because it does nothing more than trouble my soul to witness one accuse another of driving quickly when they themselves exceed the speed limit by 10 miles per hour. It is the little things that people say, the things like "you've ruined the spirit of Christmas" that cause so much damage . . . Even with all the excess sleep I was able to attain on my sojourn, I still feel a cloud of weariness pulling on the very lids of my eyes, yet the will of my teachers and those who love me ask me to bear my pencil and finish assignments yet to come. This New Years Eve has indeed been a good one, please do not overanalyze or misinterpret my statements. I am content here, with my sweet bird, the weight of her tiny feet not enough to push down the keys of my keyboard, as she dances over them with innocent delight. I am content here, with my backpack and the books it holds sitting in the corner. I am content here, with music playing itself back from my mind into my ears, the drums softly pounding away. And I am content here, my parents checking their e-mail, as I silently, in unnoticed fashion, write away with nobody to witness me but the eyes of my sweet parakeet. I will be drinking a milkshake at midnight, happily counting the last 5 seconds of this year. I find it odd however, that my friend in Florida was counting three hours before me. Is such a thing fair? Is not time a continuous scale, a continuous stream of both conscious and subconscious blending on levels which even the most brilliant and comprehensible scholars could not begin to understand? So should not that very same scale of occurrence not be based on the light which travels around our world in delicate circles, but rather the space on that previously mentioned blanket - a space which we all count down the last 5 seconds instead of doing it in little patterns of 24 hours difference? Isn't it silly? Judging by my bird pecking my pinky, I should pay her more attention and stop typing now, however a few more thoughts must leave these fingers before I retire to play the piano until drinking the milkshake. First and foremost, I must say that this New Year is indeed a Happy New Year. Furthermore, I believe it important to write a few resolutions here for myself to subconsciously follow. 1) I wish to, and will maintain a steady and successful pace of living. Thus concludes my 5 resolutions this year. I hope they are good ones, because they took me longer to think of than some entries have to write. The last one meant a lot to me, and will probably be the most difficult. During certain times, my parents can be so frustrating and so myopic, but instead of being close-minded or foolish with my diction I keep my mouth shut. I am absolutely positive at times I open it, which usually leads to argument, so I run away from it and simply go to my room and close my door. That is a simple escape, which I hope I will seldom have to use any longer. I want my parents to be good friends with me, which is indeed a rare thing for a teenager to say. I hope that anything I say here doesn't offend them, or hurt them in any way at all, because that is sincerely not my intention. I would like nothing more for them to be happy, because they have gotten me this far, have raised me, and in times when I felt nobody in the world loved me, the image of my parents, together, as a team, has always arisen to guide me. It felt good to say that . . . but at the same time I feel almost too sentimental for a teenage male . . . oh well, I figure those who care will care . . . it's just like when one makes a decision, and later regrets that decision, he wonders what it would be like to have taken the other path. I realize already that my paths are so numerous that I must make stern decisions and choose one at a time. I cannot regret what I have done, but I can still feel emotions for those times. The human mind is amazing, and with that thought, I move onward in my life, and in this world, hoping to learn and discover much much more. |