Tests. Challenges in life. Challenges in school.

My head was pounding around 5th period today. Despite all my studying I'm not confident on my test score. I ended up feeling warm and getting a stress headache in 7th period from it (all odd classes today). I've found there's nothing more stressful than stress itself. There's a theory you know, "stress causes acne, but acne causes one stress" - well, I can't say stress causes me acne, but stress makes me more stressed because I don't like to feel stressed, so I therefore work at not feeling stressed, and in doing so stress myself even more.

To elaborate on what was just said, I thought I'd done so badly on my Spanish test, which I believe I've mentioned in here earlier. Being a pessimist, that was the natural thing to do, but in reality I achieved a 61/60 (which I didn't even know was possible), which is a 101.67%. Highest grade in the class. I wish I could say the Algebra II test would be the same, but I asked my friends what they got as an answer after the test, and the answers they had were entirely different from mine on the last 4 or so problems, so either they all got them wrong, or "tengo mala suerte." (For those of you who don't get 101.67% on Spanish Tests, that means I'm having bad luck.)

In order to aleviate some stress, I went to the gym and worked out my cardiovascular system (in other words I sprinted my fast lap and jogged two others, for conditioning). I'm actually going to work at getting faster. Perhaps I'll join the track team if it fits in my schedule, considering that I also have tennis - this could make for a state of overwhelming.

These times, when I'm feeling overwhelmed, is when I start to have weird dreams again. I have nightmares with things like every em-girlfriend I've ever had tell me that I'm an unsuccessful, stupid, immature loser, then I wake up and go to the bus, thinking to myself a mysterious de ja vu. Trust me, it's not that I'm depressed or angry or anything like that, it's just that I'm busy. That doesn't necessarily mean that I'm doing something every second of the day, but rather my mind just won't give up. I'll lie in bed thinking of all sorts of things: what I'll do when I grow up, what color eyes a person has, ways to manipulate the economy, what the test will be like tomorrow, or perhaps I'll come up with the thesis statement to my next essay.

I'm feeling better now that I've spewed all that out. We've got a test in English II tomorrow, All Quiet test . . . hopefully I will score well, but I don't have many doubts in English because I enjoy it so much. Certainly my opinions differ from that of most, but that's what makes my papers fun to grade I guess. I'm one of those people who never knew that "thinking inside the box" existed to begin with . . . I just don't go so far that reality becomes an abstract stretch.

So, you've heard about math tests, you've heard about miles, now to talk about milestones. Even though all this is going on in my life, I still feel this sort of happiness inside me. It's not something I can really express with words that well, but it's almost like this burning fire of contentment. I can't say anything that's going on right now is going to impact my dying day, so I don't really let it bother me that much. It feels good to explode my emotions, use a few hyperboles now and then, and to tell everyone how miserable life is, because I will rarely do so. To be quite honest, even though all this is going on, nothing really horrible is happening. So? I failed a math test. So? I failed the one before that. I'm going to study, I'm going to do better. If I don't, then I've discovered I don't belong in Algebra II / Trig Ace., and have to set myself with lower standards. I've never been much of a test taker, and I absolutely despise "quitting" or giving up. I heard a story once about a mother who cut the word quit out of the dictionary. It was a touching story . . . I think it was a Disney movie or something . . . must have been.

Anyway, find that burning passion inside of you, and let it grow, I'm trying as hard as I can.

Take care my friends.