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Being able to walk once again is so nice. The last time I was able
to sit down in front of this computer and actually write a journal entry
it was only a few sentences because I was still experiencing extreme
chair discomfort. However, ironically, the most comfortable place I
was during this time period was in my living room chair, inherited from
my Grandma.
I haven't had a chance to write because both my body and my mind have
been so busy lately. But trust me, after nearly two weeks of no journaling,
both my mind and my body are very much ready to sit down and sort things
out.
Basically the last few weeks have been spent with either Liz, Merlin,
and Nick - either all three, a combination of two of them, or just me
and one of them. It's been wonderful to spend so much time with my friends,
and so much has happened that I personally feel as though the bond between
us is closer.
Instead of going into a horribly boring amount of detail, allow me to
highlight the most exciting portions of my one-week-at-home-without-parents
adventure.
-----
Wednesday July 09, 2003 Excerpt: It might not be the best thing in the
world to say, but right now with all of the stress that I'm under, and
the way that both of my parents just ganged up on me for driving a friend
home without six months on my license, I felt like I'd just been shoved
up against a corner and kicked in the balls, left there to bleed, whatever
else there is to say. The thing I need the least in the world right
now is stress in my home, especially since home is the place I come
to alleviate all of my stress. Usually I feel comfortable, but all today
my mom has been very testy with me, been raising her voice with me,
and the rest is just simply complaints. Some of you probably think "wah
wah wah", but to me, this is actually significant. I am distressed,
I don't know what to do, or what I can say to make it so that my parents
just understand what I'm going through - hold me, give me a hug when
I really need it more than anything else in the world. I remember when
I was really little they'd just give me hugs and hold me because they
loved me so much. And now, now that I'm older, and I need them as much
if not more mentally than I did as a child, the only pairs of arms that
are physically there for me to fall into are the arms of my friends
and remote family. I love my mom, I love my dad, and I need them. It's
hard to fathom that they just got me into such an undeserved position.
----Reply to my previous statement: I think about what happened ex post
facto, and now the conflicts are overcome. They were put to the side
and we all made up. I'm glad. They really did realize that it hurt me,
or they were just willing to forgive me. It was wonderful, so I sincerely
apologize (to myself) and to others who are reading this for my bitter
complaining during the argument.
I am still tired, I am still exhausted, still feeling the drain from
the last hard years worth of work. What I truly need is a vacation with
the things I love. No US History, No AP English - I need to get this
stuff done, and continue to live out my summer stress free and full
of happiness. I can't go into the next year like this. It will be suicide
for my grades and my health, because the two oftentimes go together.
I feel immature for writing what I did earlier, but I feel it's important
that I recognize that, and leave it in here. I'd rather not hide any
of my emotions, and just explain my true feelings and hope that I can
gain an understanding of them.
------------------
Thursday, July 10:
And now, I am taking the time, finally, to relax. I played some video
games, drank a lot of water, and just sat back. I kept my mind off the
school projects I have, because I came to the conclusion that the day
after tomorrow, that I'm going to finish both projects within the week
to eliminate all of the stress that has been slowly building because
of them.
So much has happened, and to summarize an amazing three weeks in a page
or two isn't easy. I guess I should start with my status now, because
that's the most important. My mental health is very well. Life is beautiful
to me, a story that has an unpredictable ending that you just want to
keep reading. I don't know where that ending lies, and at this point
in my life all I can do is hope for a happy one; I believe I will have
it though, so I never fret over it.
My knee surgery turned out very interesting. They went about the regular
procedures: no eating or drinking for 12 hours before the surgery. So,
I went to bed 4 hours later than usual, and woke up 5 minutes before
we left, so that I wouldn't be that hungry or thirsty - all I did was
get dressed, and then practically made me take my clothes off when I
got there anyway, so it worked out perfectly. I had a great time talking
to all of the nurses. I think every one of them enjoyed me as well,
so it was a really cool experience. The surgery however, was the best
part. There was an anesthesiologist, whom I had a pretty cool talk with
about cars, sports, and video games. I didn't see Dr. Smith at all before
the surgery, but after I was under he definitely did a good job. He
stayed there after (supposedly), but I have no recollection of the "two
hour" waking period after the surgery. Everyone operating told
my mom that she was lucky, that I was a wonderful young man, and did
nothing but throw compliments at her. That made me very happy, and getting
that positive feedback with all that's going on in my life was very
pleasant. Smith actually also told me that himself in person, and said
I have many good things on my mind in the post-operation checkup just
a few days ago.
Anyway, on with the story. For the first few days, which were the worst
for me physically, I was on crutches. I rarely got up out of my chair,
but I certainly had the desire. My mom took great care of me. At first,
the hospital didn't even want to give me crutches. I demanded them.
Good thing I did, because moving around certainly wasn't very easy.
I needed them for about two weeks. Whoa shittaki! I totally forgot to
say: the operation wasn't on my meniscus, but they found that in fact
the MRI was wrong, and that the problem involved "plaice"
(not sure on spelling), which is when the interior of the knee gets
damaged, and builds up skin underneath the knee cap. They took it out,
and I should be good to go!
So, my parents anniversary was on July 3rd. They left for five days
on an anniversary vacation, and my caregivers were Liz and Merlin. --
Continued In the Next Entry, which might be in a long time . . . I'm
sorry, but I need a break from things once again. It seems as though
I have a lot of stress in my life, regardless of what I thought before,
so I'm spending the next few weeks relaxing, reading, and keeping up
on things emotionally.
--
Before I go however, I think it's important to state that things are
going well now - that my parents have been extremely supportive of me
during the times in my life that are hard, and that even though Liz
and I have been going through hard times (and fights) together lately,
that I hope that things will work out for the better. We were in our
first serious fight just two days ago (from today, which is July 17th),
and we're still reconciling, however I have a feeling things will be
alright. One of her friends told me she's been lying to me, however
I'm going to ignore that until the appropriate time comes, and no matter
what, I'm going to trust her. She means a lot to me, and I have faith
in her. On the other side of things - her and I are doing very well,
Merlin and I are still best friends and having a great time ~ everything's
all right!!! I won't be writing again until the start of the next school
year I believe, unless something extremely important comes up before
then. I'll make sure to keep you all posted on my life troubles!
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