I haven't had the opportunity to write much in the past few days. I'd apologize for it, but I don't think it's really necessary for me to apologize to myself, especially when I already understand my condition.

I don't really remember where I left off last time, but allow me to explain the last three days. I've been inputting old journal entries from the vacation on to the computer, and taking off old computer entries and putting them on one gigantic Pagemaker document which I intend to read when the year is finally over.

On Friday we left after an amazing breakfast at Margie's Diner, where the pancakes were the size of 5 or 6 "normal" or typically sized pancakes. When we got home from the long drive, (we'd rushed to get home so that I could go to swing dancing) - I unpacked, showered, and looked for a pair of clean clothes. I didn't really have much - most of my nice shirts had been used Monday through Friday. So, I found something to wear, and then went swing dancing.

Oh yes, before dancing I burned (copied) a CD which I'd been given as a gift by my mom for Dan Halverson, who has been giving me rides home from swing dancing lately. The CDs I get were "Zoot Suit Riot" and the other Jazz CD which is called "Swingin' with Arbor Mist", which is actually just a bunch of different big band music artists, whom I can't seem to remember while I'm writing here in English class.

--English Ended . . . that was a Monday entry, now it's Tuesday, and I'm continuing to write--

Friday was a really awesome evening. I called a few people whom had left messages for me over the break - then called Liz and told her answering machine I was going swing dancing, then took off. I missed a party at Dan's house from Wednesday to early Friday morning, which would have been a really awesome party that I would have liked to go to, but I obviously wasn't around. Dan and I are becoming pretty good friends it seems - he's a great dancer and a great guy to talk to, I hope I can get to know him better.

Swing dancing was really fun - I was dancing well, which seems to be turning into a habit. It was really awesome. But anyway, I was getting a bit worried because I didn't see Liz until pretty late that night. She said I walked right by her at one point, but I think she was pulling my leg, because I was looking . . . anyway, I'm enjoying Liz's company a lot. Friday night we kissed a bit outside of Ellington Hall. I like her, but sometimes it seems like she's playing with me. I'll explain later.

Saturday, I asked Liz if she wanted to come over. She said she'd call back in the evening, and she did. But before she called back, I went to Track Meet. That was actually a very early in the morning Track Meet. Keep in mind this is the day after a long trip, and a night of swing dancing. I didn't have a great breakfast or anything, but I still managed to get a personal record of 7 seconds. That's right baby, 5:31. I was pretty excited, and I think I can do even better at the next Track meet on Wednesday. Then again, I feel like I'm extremely fatigued. I haven't been sleeping well. For example, Sunday night I had some sort of weird conscious nightmare. It's hard to explain, but it was a very unpleasant experience, where I could feel my breathing and heart beat accelerate but I couldn't wake up from it. Anyway, before skipping ahead to Sunday, I'm going to tell more about Saturday evening.

Liz came over at around 8:00. My parents left soon afterwards to go clean out Grandma's apartment. They were cool with us being here alone, at least my Dad was. My mom thinks everything is racy and sexual, which makes me think like a pervert sometimes. But anyway, she came over, and we didn't know it originally, but she ended up spending the night. We didn't have sex . . . but we kissed fairly passionately in quite a few different places. I'm not a person who has been kissed a lot, but when I'm around her, even though I get a nice adrenalin rush, I still feel very relaxed. It's really cool. So, we kissed at the Church, in my backyard, on my porch, on my chair, on the living room chair, on the couch, and of course on my bed . . . I hope she doesn't get angry that I said all that, but I like her, and at least this way I can express some of what I feel for her. We watched some movies - one of which my favorite ever, The Flight of Dragons. Speaking of movies . . . Matrix Reloaded comes out on my birthday, May 15th. I wanted to book an appointment to get my license test at Santa Rosa for the 15th, but it looks like my parents have procrastinated in training me to back up straight and park well, and I've gotten screwed by their parental guidance system once again. I'm angry about that, but I'm too tired to argue a point.

Sunday, in the morning, when Liz and I woke up around 10:00ish, she had to leave to go see her friend Matt who is staying from Tahoe. I was surprised she didn't stay for breakfast, my mom makes great French Toast too. I mowed the lawn on the 3 hours and thirty minutes of sleep I had in me, then went over to the church potluck with my parents. I came a bit late, but I still was able to talk to people and that was neat to be able to catch up and tell stories. They all said I'm becoming a man and that I don't talk like I'm a 15 year old at all, but like someone who is much older. I got quite a few compliments like these in the last few days - for example, one of the kids I tutored today asked me what college I go to. I thought that was kind of cool. Anyway, from 2:00 until 9:30, I fell asleep. I woke up and watch the end of Alias with my mom, (Alias is her favorite TV show right now), and then I went to sleep soon after.

The school day Monday I already described a little in my journal entry above, but basically I worked out hard after school and during school, and had a bunch of homework. I'm very fatigued mentally and physically, and need some rest. I ran 3-4 miles and lifted weights for 30 minutes. I ran 4 miles today as well. But that was before I tutored for an hour and a half. I finally finished my entire tutoring sheet, which is worth $80.00 to me. I'm excited about that, and I would like to have the money around here. I'm starting to save up for car assets and for college equipment and funds. I have some put away already, but I need more. I'm like a dragon, I hoard my gold.

Liz and I talked last night. I only wish I was better at expressing myself. She put me in a very odd situation. She asked if she could go to prom with her friend Joey Baba. I was a bit upset, but I tried to explain that I trusted her, and that she can make whatever decision she wants. What I wanted to say was that I'd rather have her model a fancy prom dress for me, go dancing somewhere, spend time with me, and decline Joey's invitation. It's her choice to make though, and I really am not good at this sort of thing. If I get the guts and the timing is appropriate, I'll talk to her about it tonight.

I'd love to stay talking, because I really do have so much to write, but I don't have a lot of time to write in. So much has happened lately, and I'm behind on what I'd like to be writing. For example, we got these amazing poems in English today from a Japanese writer(s) - Li Po and Hu Fu. They were friends supposedly, and great poets. Hopefully I'll get a chance to write more tomorrow, or perhaps later tonight, but I doubt later tonight. I want to get a chance to take a nap, to talk to Liz about the above mentioned, to read, to study, and to relax. I usually consider reading and studying relaxing. I don't even know if Merlin and I will get a chance to play today. Sheez, I wonder if this is the life of a man. Such tedious, straining, strenuous tasks. I need to cut down on some of my work load, but I can't see a place to decrease. I am not invincible, but I love to work as hard as I can.

Sleep well my friends!

I'm a master and slave, I can still see the stars.
Through these red white and blue prison bars.

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