Throughout a man's life there comes these precious moments where he doesn't have to do much. I've been thirsting for one of those moments for the last 4 days of school. There's no way that with a few simple words I could describe the hundreds and thousands of thoughts, pictures, and emotions that fly through my mind as I walk quietly around campus. Sometimes I wish to be noticed, and then I do. Sometimes I don't wish to be noticed, and usually am not. I feel like something inside me is dying. Perhaps my love and trust for my high school peers. Perhaps my mind is being slowed by all of the constant challenges that face me. Perhaps this is all an episode of bad indigestion from those Taquitos yesterday. The truth is out there, somewhere.

I talked to my friends Alissa and Sara online today after watching a few episodes of Evangelion (to be mentioned later . . .). They kept prying at me, asking questions about Allyssa and Jenna. It was really uncomfortable, and I really didn't like it . . . they don't really know either of them, and I don't really understand why they were asking. Well, that's not true, I understood to an extent. They felt that it was their duty as my friend to pry down into the depths of my inner emotions and try to unravel whatever it is that's bothering me about my current situation. I told them the truth - that the answer is simple, and that simple things are oftentimes the hardest to understand. Jenna is still ignoring me, it's becoming almost funny for me, I didn't think highschool students could be that immature. Oh well, guess it's time to move on. It's a hard process for my Taurus self to slowly ascend from the depths of a foul relation, but it's something that simply must happen. This has gone on for far too long, and it's disappointing me that I'm upset over it still, so I'm going to stop disappointing myself and to continue going on living with near impossible standards. That last statement was a bit pessimistic, but I figure if I shoot for the impossible that I'm bound to catch up to being possible quickly. It makes sense if you think about it - let me use the analogy of a good runner and a bad runner to assist you. There's a boy who runs 2 miles in 10 minutes, and a boy who runs 2 miles in 30 minutes. The second boy realizes that to stay competitive, he needs to be faster. He works harder, and pases himself every single day against that fast boy, the impossible boy for him. What I do, is set those standards to idealism, and try to live up to that idealism. It's a good way to disappoint oneself, but it's also an amazing way to improve one's character.

Tomorrow in the Café theatre at El Molino there's a pasta feed and swing dancing. I'm reallly looking forward to having some fun. Before the feed, I'll be cleaning the church, now that I'm well and up to it. When I get home at 8:30, I'll probably attempt at fixing Evangelion (mentioned next paragraph).

Evangelion is a really neat animé series full of giant robots, babes, and destruction. It's a perfect story if you ask me, but the problem: my computer does not have sound in the coding that the movie file is written in. So, I'm watching a series without sound. It really sucks, I've been trying to fix it for around two hours, I just took a break, and now I'm complaining about it happily.

I'm also studying for a World Civilizations test tomorrow in fourth period.

I ate my first Home Run Pie in around 10 days. The tastiness was unbelievable. I think I have a minor addiction to junk food.

Allyssa was talking to me today, and she doesn't seem to stop, or get the idea that I'm really not interested. It's really annoying for me, because not only am I trying to clear my mind of this situation entirely, but even after I've told her that I'm uncomfortable with her constantly flirting with me, she continues to do so. "I don't have much experience talking to good looking guys." as she scratches an arm and looks down at the ground. For god sakes woman! If I'm meant for you, you wouldn't feel so uncomfortable talking to me!

I feel like a jerk saying that. I'm trying to keep in mind that this is simply 10th grade. Whatever relationship I get involved with, I already understand that it probably won't get anywhere near my potential capacity to love someone . . . Highschool and I don't always seem to get along as well as I'd like to. Perhaps it's because I try too hard to get a simple relationship to work that it callapses on me. Or perhaps it's not me? I really don't understand it all, and I'm really not going to try to. I'm going to ride this rollercoaster till the end, because it's my rollercoaster, and as much as it tries to give me a hard time, it's unsuccessful. I love life, I love living it, I love being alive, everything. Everything about life - even this horrible epic love saga called the last week of my life is still appealing to me. Why? Experience is power. Power is the key to success. Success . . . who knows.

I'll continue being alive, and staying happy. You work on your battle plan. We'll form an alliance and take California.

Goody goody, shine my shoes. I got my turn about pictures back. They're actually really good. My mom said I looked very handsome. Actually, Katie said that, Veronica said that, and a good portion of my other friends said that as well. I guess whenever I feel bad about something I should just turn around and look at my real friends and my family in the face, because they're always so supportive and loving. At least most of the time they are. I'm a lucky boy.

I'm not competing in the first track meet. No sophomores are. Only my insane friend Jon Teeter, whom is also a sophomore, is going to risk his life running top speed with seniors at Analy. My coaches and I agree that after coming back from two weeks of doing nothing, competing would be a bad idea.

Take care my friends, I'm off to go fix things.

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