Chapter Four
Dovelyn woke up later that night, covered in sweat and unable to breathe. It took her a moment to realize that the images that haunted her were a dream and not reality. Shakily, she took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts as she tried to figure out what the dream meant. Leftover feelings of love and fear entwined together in her mind, mixing her up as visions of the three men from her dream flashed through her mind. The horror she had felt when she saw Matt shoot Howie were unmatched to anything she had ever felt before, even her family's deaths--until she realized that Lance lay at her feet, shot through the chest and bleeding profusely. Howie then seemed to disappear, and she focused completely on helping Lance.
Glancing at her clock, she saw it was 2:45 am. Cocking her ear, she was still for a moment, listening for sounds from downstairs. When she heard nothing, she quietly rose from her bed and put her robe on. She gently eased the door open and slipped outside. Padding down the stairs, she stopped at the landing and looked around. She saw Joey stretched out on the sofa bed, snoring lightly. Smiling, she shifted her attention to the other end of the room, where she saw Lance's face, serene and calm with sleep. She continued on, walking toward the blond young man. When she reached him, Dovelyn stood quietly for a moment, content to simply watch him sleep. There was something about him that calmed her and offered her comfort. Lance seemed to sense someone watching him and awoke with a start. His eyes sleepily settled on Dovie, and his face filled with concern.
"Dovie? Sweetheart, are you okay?"
The images of her dreams came back to her once again, shattering the calm she had felt just moments before, and tears filled her eyes. Lance noticed, and immediately opened his arms to her. She fell into his embrace, crying softly. He hugged her tightly, whispering comforting words into her ear. After a few moments, he gently eased her back to look into her eyes.
"Dovie? What is it? Are you all right?" The depth of emotion in his voice and face moved Dovie even more.
"Oh Lance, it was awful!" she cried.
"What was, sweetie?"
"The dream. I dreamt that Matt came back. I was with you and Howie, and we were all talking. Then, Matt came barging through the door. He had a gun! He had a gun, and he shot Howie! Then he pointed it at me, but you jumped in front of me and he shot you instead!" Unable to continue, Dovie once again collapsed in his arms, allowing him to comfort her.
Hearing Dovie's sobs from across the room, Joey sat up from his bed on the couch. Concerned when he saw Dovie sobbing in Lance's arms, he quietly joined them.
"Lance?" he whispered, trying not to startle Dovie. He continued when Lance looked up. "Is Dove okay?"
"She had a bad dream." Lance explained quietly.
"Should I get Justin?"
Lance looked down at the girl in his arms. "Dove? Do you want Joey to get Justin for you?" Dovie mumbled something into Lance's chest and nodded slightly. Joey met Lance's eyes, and then turned to walk to the stairs.
"Thanks, Joe." Lance called after him.
"Anytime Lance."
Lance turned his attention back to Dovie. She had calmed down a lot, but was still crying. He hugged her to him tightly, hating that she was hurting so much, but glad that he had the opportunity to hold her. "Shhh... Baby, it's all right. I'm right here, and everything is just fine. Howie's all right too."
"But, Lance, it was so real." she whispered. "There was blood everywhere. Howie was so still; I knew he was already dead. He wouldn't move at all! And blood was just pouring out of your chest. I tried to stop it, Lance! I tried, but it just kept coming." Dovie's voice rose as she remembered the horror of her dream, and Lance could hear the fear and panic in her voice as she recalled the injuries of her friends.
"I know, baby, but I'm okay. I'm right here." Lance murmured.
Dovie's arms tightened around him briefly, and then she pulled away. Lance looked into her tear-filled eyes sorrowfully, wishing he could help her. As Dovie peered into the pale-green eyes that so mesmerized her, she felt the love he had professed to her earlier. Dovelyn's own heart was filled with a feeling that she'd never had before. Guilt flashed through her as she thought of Howie, but then she focused on Lance's eyes again. More than anything in the world, she knew how she felt about him at that moment. She longed to tell him and end both her torment and his.
"Lance, I..." she began.
"Dove! Dovelyn, are you all right?" Justin's panicked voice filled the room as he flew down the stairs to his cousin. Dovie shot Lance an apologetic look.
"I had a bad dream, Justy," she said with her arms still wrapped around Lance. Justin quickly walked over to her, and Lance reluctantly let go. Dovie hugged her cousin with one arm, keeping the other firmly around Lance's waist.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Justin asked again, worry etched in his features.
Dovie sighed. "I'm fine, Justin. I had a nightmare, that's all. Lance helped me."
Justin felt a surge of jealousy as he watched his cousin gaze adoringly at Lance. He was glad that Lance had been able to help her, but he wished she had come to him instead. He knew that Dovie was still holding back, and he wished desperately for the answers that haunted him. Where did his Dovelyn go? Would the cousin that he had known and loved every fully return? Justin felt tears prick the back of his eyelids, and he felt an all-consuming need to grab on to Dovie and never let go. He abruptly pulled her toward him, crushing her to him. He smoothed her hair with one hand, holding her tightly with the other, trying in vain to keep from crying.
Lance watched his friend carefully, wondering why Justin seemed so emotional all of the sudden. Seeing the tears in his friend's eyes and feeling a strange tension between the two, Lance gently rose from the couch. He patted Dovie on the back and then led Joey out of the room, allowing the two cousins some much-needed time alone.
Justin watched Lance disappear upstairs with Joey, and then looked down at his very confused cousin.
�Justy? What's all this about?�
Justin feigned confusion. �All what?� he asked.
Dovie sighed. �Justin, don't play dumb. I have a stupid little bad dream, and you come rushing down the stairs, grabbing me like someone just told you I was dying. What's up?�
Justin momentarily looked slightly embarrassed, and then once again turned serious. �I don't know.� he sighed.
�Come on, Justin. I know you, and I know something is bothering you. Just tell me what's wrong, please.�
He sighed again. �It's just... I miss you, Dove.�
�Huh? Justin, I'm right here, how can you miss me?� Dovie asked, confused.
�I mean, I miss the old Dovie; the Dovie that used to goof off with me and hold concerts in the backyard for our family. I know that girl is in there somewhere, I just don't know where. I guess... I guess I just wanted to hold you tight enough that I wouldn't lose any more of that girl.�
Dovie looked into Justin's sad blue eyes with regret filling her heart. What had she allowed Matt to do to her? �Oh, Justin.�
�I love you, Dovelyn; you're my favorite cousin. But it kills me that only JC will ever have any idea of who you really are inside.�
�You mean who I was. That's in the past Justin. I'm not that girl anymore.�
Justin clasped her hands tightly. �Yes, you are Dove. You just don't know it. Matt made you hide that person for so long that you lost her. You just have to find her again.�
�I... I don't think I can, Justin.�
Justin hugged his cousin again tightly. �Yes, you can sweetie. I know you can. I'll help you.�
The two continued to hold each other for a while, content with the knowledge that they were getting somewhere and that soon everything would be back to normal. They fell asleep on the couch, still curled in each other's arms.
The next morning, the four remaining group members tiredly trekked downstairs for breakfast. Chris and JC, still completely unaware of the drama that had taken place the night before, stopped in surprise seeing the two blond cousins fast asleep on the couch.
�What the...� JC muttered. �Why are Dovie and Justin down here?�
�I think we missed something last night.� Chris added, confused.
Lance simply smiled and made his way over to the couch, while trying to explain Dove's dream and what followed to the two confused men. �She had a bad dream last night and woke me up. Joey heard her crying and woke up too, then got Justin for her. Then, Justin started acting kind of funny, so Joey and I went upstairs to give them some privacy. I guess when they didn't come back up, we just fell asleep.� Lance glanced back at the sleeping girl. �Looks like they got everything worked out,� he said, smiling softly.
JC nodded in understanding. �Okay. Well, Lance, since you and Dovie are getting along so well, you get to wake those two up while the rest of us make breakfast.�
Lance grinned. �I'll wake up Dove, but she can wake up Justin...he won't kill her!� The others laughed and headed to the kitchen as Lance leaned over Dovelyn.
�Dovie? Sweetheart, it's time to wake up.� he whispered. When she didn't stir, he tried again a little louder, shaking her gently. �Dove, it's time to get up. Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes.� This time Lance's efforts were rewarded by Dovie's deep blue eyes peeking open cautiously.
�Lance! I was having the best dream!� Dovie whined, smiling.
Lance grinned at her. �So sorry your Majesty. I thought her Royal Highness might want breakfast this lovely morning.�
Dovie laughed. �No, you didn't. You just wanted me to wake up Justin 'cause you're too chicken to do it yourself!�
�Very true.� he chuckled. �So, what are you waiting for? Breakfast is waiting!�
�Okay, okay! Hold your horses, bucko.� Dovie's eyes lingered on Lance's for a moment, and then she turned to look at Justin. She smiled softly at him, amazed at how angelic he could look when he was asleep. She chuckled to herself, thinking of what the fans would say if they knew that Justin Timberlake's precious curls were mussed in the morning and that he snored softly when he slept on his back or had a cold. That's right, ladies. She thought. Your darling Justin isn't perfect after all. He's a regular guy. In fact, he can be the most annoying creature God ever put on this green earth when he gets a mind to. She reached over gently and ruffled his curls.
�Touch my hair again Joey and you'll be singing higher than Chris...permanently.� Justin said without batting an eyelash.
�Such violence!� Dovelyn giggled before she could stop herself, and Justin's eyes flew open.
�Oh, Dovie. It's only you.� he breathed.
�Gee, thanks, Justin. I love you too.�
He grinned at her. �Is breakfast ready yet?�
Dovie rolled her eyes. �God, Justin! Is food all you ever think about in the morning?�
He laughed. �Nope. In fact, my very first thought this morning was 'Why is there a girl in my bedroom?'�
She hid her laughter and looked at him seriously. �Did you think some deranged twelve year old had broken in to hold you hostage until she had her way with you?�
Justin mimicked her seriousness. �Well, you never know, most of our fans are great, but every now and then we get a weird one...�
�Oh, great!� she replied enthusiastically. �To be honest, I was rather worried that you and Chris wouldn't be able to find anybody to relate to! Now I can quit worrying about it!�
Justin began to laugh, and then realized her joke had been at his expense too. �Hey!� he yelped. �That wasn't nice!�
�Maybe not, but it sure was funny!� she cried, laughing hysterically. Justin soon joined in, and soon they were both near tears from laughing so hard. They were still giggling when JC came back into the living room to get them for breakfast.
�Did I miss something here?� he asked, his eyes twinkling in amusement.
�Don't even ask!� Justin laughed, quickly putting his hand over Dovie's mouth to prevent her from retelling her joke to JC.
�Jace, help!� Dovie shouted as Justin began to tickle her mercilessly. JC simply folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe. He smiled seeing the two cousins wrestle around on the floor. He thought he could see shades of the Dovie of old, but tried not to get his hopes up. Finally, just as JC was about to step in and stop the tickling match, which Dovie was clearly losing, Lance come in behind him. He paused for a moment, taking in the scene before him. When he saw it was Dovie getting the wrong end of the deal, he quickly stepped in.
�Come on, Justin. Ease up on the poor thing.�
Justin made a face at Lance, which caused both men to break out in fresh laughter. All four were in tears when Joey and Chris joined them from the kitchen, wondering what was taking so long. They observed the scene in puzzlement before shaking their heads and walking back into the kitchen.
JC was the first to calm down. �Why was that so funny?�
Dovie shook her head still giggling. �It's called the simples, Jace. That's what happens when you don't get enough sleep. Now, I know why Justin, Lance, and I have them, but why do you?�
�Must be contagious.� He said firmly before flashing them a grin and joining Joey and Chris in the kitchen.
Lance looked from Dovie to Justin smiling. He'd heard Justin talking about Dovie for years and had been as surprised as the others when he'd finally met her and found her drastically different than Justin had described. Seeing them tickling each other on the floor, genuinely having a good time had pleased him to no end. Like JC, he felt he was beginning to see a new girl when he looked into her blue eyes. He hoped she would soon be comfortable enough to completely let loose and be herself with them. As much as he loved Dovie as she was, he longed to get to know Justin's Dovie. Above all, Lance wanted to hear he sing.
Dovie stopped laughing when she noticed Lance staring at her intently. As her self-restraint crept back to her, she blushed. �What?�
Lance blushed himself when he realized that Dovie had caught him staring. �Nothing. I was just thinking.�
�About what?�
Lance's face turned a shade redder. He knew this wasn't the right time to broach the subject with her. He wanted to, but he was afraid that if he did, she would back down again.
�Lance?� she questioned.
�I'll tell you later, okay?�
She nodded, getting up and walking over to him. She put her arm around his waist and looked at her cousin. �Just? You coming?�
He smiled at her. �Yeah. I'm on my way.�
Dovie was upstairs relaxing in her room that afternoon when JC quietly entered. She looked up startled when she heard him clear his throat.
�Jace? Is something wrong?� JC glanced around apprehensively before joining her on the bed. His nervousness gave her an unsettling feeling and she watched him warily, waiting for him to speak.
�Dove, can I ask you something?�
She nodded. �Sure, JC, anything. You know that.�
JC kept his eyes on his hands. �Are... Are you happy here, Dove? I mean, really happy?�
Dovie thought for a moment before answering. �Yeah. At least, I think I am. I haven't been this happy and relaxed since before I met Matt. It's nice being around guys without having to worry about him finding out.�
�Finding out?� JC echoed. �What would he have done?�
Dovie focused her eyes on the floor, paling slightly. �You don't want to know,� she whispered.
JC reached out and took her chin, tugging gently until she was looking into his eyes. �Yes, I do, Dove. We all want to know.�
�Why?�
He sighed. �Because maybe then we could understand why you've changed so much since the last time Justin and I saw you.�
�I haven't changed that much,� she whispered, knowing she was lying to one of her best friends.
�Come on, Dove. I can think of at least a dozen ways that you've changed.
She raised one eyebrow. �Oh, really?� she challenged. �Name one.�
�Fine. Every time I saw you back then, you were singing. You sang everything, all of the time. Since you've come back, I haven't heard you sing a single note. Why is that?� Dovie shifted in her seat uncomfortably. �Dove?�
She sighed. �I don't know, JC. I just don't feel like singing anymore.�
�You're lying to me again Dove.�
�I'm sorry, JC.� she murmured.
�Then why are you doing it?�
�I don't know.�
JC closed his eyes in frustration. �Yes, you do, Dovelyn.�
�Jace, do we have to do this right now?�
�I think we need to Dove.�
She sighed again. �I can't sing, JC, I never could. It just took me a while to figure it out.�
�Wait, let me guess... You figured it out after Matt told you?�
�Sorta.� she muttered.
�Care to explain that one a little more?�
Dovie smiled at him slightly. �Do I really have a choice?�
He grinned. �Nope.�
�There's not really much to tell, Jace. I sang a lot, and whenever Matt heard, he'd kind of cringe. Then, one night we were at a party and they had karaoke. My friends were all there and they said I should try it.� she continued on quietly. �I only got halfway through it before Matt dragged me away from the stage and out the door. I was in bed for three days that time.�
JC hugged her gently for a moment. �What song was it?�
She smiled dully. �God Must Have Spent.�
JC eyebrows immediately shot up. �One of our songs? Did Matt know it was us?�
�Oh, he knew all right.� she whispered.
�Is that why he got so mad?�
�Yeah.� she answered. �He hated for me to do anything connected to *N Sync or to Justin. I missed the family reunion the last few years because he didn't want to take the chance that I would see Justin or you guys there.�
�Why does he hate us so much?�
�It's not that he hated you exactly; you were a threat to him.�
�A threat?� JC repeated, confused. �How?�
�Because you knew me before he did. I think he knew if you all saw how I was changing, you'd step in and do something about it. I think he was also under the impression that you and I were kind of an item.� she explained.
JC laughed at the last statement. �Us? Are you serious?�
Dovie giggled. �Yeah. Can you believe it?�
�Maybe he sensed your connection to Lance.�
�Lance? That would have been a little early, don't you think?�
He smiled and hugged her again. �Sweetheart, all of us could sense something between you two from the beginning�at least on Lance's part anyway.�
She shot him a confused look. �What do you mean?�
�That Mississippi boy was smitten with you since you first walked down the stairs at the Harless's! Didn't you know that?�
Dovie blushed and ducked her head. �Really?�
�Really.� he smiled for a moment before turning serious once more. �Um, Dove, did that kind of stuff happen often with Matt?�
�What stuff? Him hitting me?�
�Yeah.� he answered quietly.
She avoided his eyes. �It happened more than it should have.�
�Dovie, the very first time it happened was more than it should have.� JC clasped her hand tightly. �So, how often? Once a month? Twice a month?�
Dovelyn laughed humorlessly. �More like once or twice a week.�
JC's clear blue eyes clouded over with pain. �He hit you that much? God, Dove, why didn't you tell someone what was going on? Your parents, or Justin and I? We would have been more than happy to help you.�
�I know that, Jace, but I didn't want to worry anyone. I... I thought I could handle him. I guess I was wrong.� she answered sadly.
�Oh, Dove.� JC opened his arms to her and she quickly fell into them, crying softly. �There's one thing you need to learn, sweetie, and that's that when you're hurting, we're hurting. We don't want you to keep things like this inside of you. It festers inside of you and ends up hurting you more in the long run. That's why we have to be completely open with each other. Baby, you're like a sister to me, and I love you. I don't want to see you back in the hospital, or worse.�
�I know, Jace. I'm sorry.�
�Just know that we're all here for you if you ever need to talk.� �Yeah. Thanks Jace.� Dovie gave him a hug and watched as he quietly left the room.
For the next few days, Dovelyn's world seemed almost normal for the first time since she had met Matt. She had the time of her life with the guys, joking around, getting to know Joey and Chris, deepening her relationship with Lance, and re-establishing her friendships with Justin and JC. She had never had many close guy friends before, just Justin and her brothers. Dovie found that she enjoyed being around Justin's friends. She liked the way they treated her; how they always made her feel that she was worthy of their friendship. During those days, she almost forgot about the past few months and years. Things with Lance were good. He made her feel pretty and special�two things she hadn't felt in a long time. It was the little things that he did that made the difference, like the way he would look at her just the right way to let her know he cared, or how he gently placed his hand on the small of her back to lead her out of the room.
The six of them were sitting around the den one night, watching a movie when the shrill ringing of the phone startled everyone. JC looked up from the movie and quickly hopped over the back of the couch to answer it.
�Hello?� JC paused for a moment as he listened to the person on the other end. Then, he turned to the group, frowning slightly.
�Dovie, it's for you.�
She looked up at him, startled. �For me? Who is it?�
�Dorough.�
Lance drew his breath in sharply and Dovie glanced at him nervously before taking the phone from JC. She walked away slightly from the group for the conversation.
�Hello?�
�Dovie?� Howie's melodic voice was heard over the line.
�Yes. Howie?�
�Yeah.� Dovie could almost hear him smiling. �You remembered me.�
She laughed slightly. �Of course I remember you, Howie. How are you?�
�I'm good. And you?�
�Good.�
Howie paused for a moment. �So, I hear you're living with Justin and his friends now. Did you work everything out with you aunt?�
�Well, not exactly. Let's just say I'm happier with Justin and the guys.�
�Well, as long as you're happy.� he replied softly. �Listen, I was just calling to see if you wanted to go over to Brian's for a barbeque with us tomorrow night.�
�Tomorrow night?� she echoed uncertainly, glancing over her shoulder at the guys. Lance kept his eyes glued to the TV, and Justin was starting at her unwaveringly. �I... I don't know Howie. It sounds great, but...�
�But you're not interested in me like that.� he finished quietly.
�Yeah.� she whispered. �Howie, I'm so sorry.�
�Don't be.� he said. �I'd still like you to join us though. AJ and Brian really enjoyed talking with you. Brian's been saying so much about you that now both Nick and Kevin want to get to know you better. We like having our friends around us, and you're our friend. Won't you come, please?�
Dovie sighed. She had really had fun hanging out with the BSB earlier, and she wanted to go to the barbeque, but he knew she would hurt both Lance and Justin if she did go. �It really sounds like fun, Howie. I'll have to think about it first though, okay?�
�Sure thing. Just call me when you have an answer.� He gave her his cell number and they said goodbye. Just before they hung up he spoke to her again. �Hey, Dovie?�
�Yeah?�
�Tell him he's got a great girl, okay?� he whispered.
�Yeah, I will. Thanks, Howie.� Dovie hung up the phone and made her way back to the couch. She snuggled up next to Lance and turned her eyes back to the screen.
�D?� Justin asked, his voice sounding strangled.
�Yeah Justin?�
�Are you going out with Dorough tomorrow night?�
Dovie looked up to find all eyes on her, waiting for her answer. She sighed. �Well, I don't know yet. I'd like to, because I really enjoyed talking to them, but I don't want to upset any of you.�
�Does Howie know about you and Lance, Dove?� Joey asked.
�He doesn't know that Lance and I are a couple, but he knows I'm not interested in him romantically.� she answered calmly. �He said to tell him that he's got a great girl.�
Lance chuckled softly. �Yes, he does.� he said, giving her a hug. �But I already knew that.� He was quiet for a moment before continuing. �Listen, Dovie, if you want to go tomorrow, I think you should.�
�Really?� The amazement in her voice was easily heard. �You don't mind if I spend time with other guys? Even when you know Howie likes me?�
He squeezed her shoulder. �I don't mind. I trust you, and you have the right to have friends other than us.�
Dovie was dumbstruck. �Thanks, Lance. I really appreciate that.� she managed to say.
�Anytime, sweetie.� Lance said, flashing her his 10,000-dollar smile, then settling back in to finish watching the movie.