�Chris, stay out of this! It�s none of your business!� Kaitlyn screamed into the phone. �It�s my life, not yours!� He flinched as she slammed the phone down and looked at his friends. They looked back at him sympathetically.
�She hung up on you again, huh?� Justin remarked.
�Yeah,� Chris answered, �after our bi-monthly fight about me staying out of her life.�
�Sorry, man,� Lance said, patting him on the back on his way out the door.
Justin and JC still sat across from him on the couch. He looked at his friends and sighed. �Guys, you gotta help me figure out how to get her on tour with us.�
JC sighed. �Chris, maybe you just need to let her alone. She�ll come to you when she needs help.�
�No, you don�t know her. She�ll wait until she�s in too much trouble to get out by herself, and then she�ll feel like she can�t come to me.� He sighed again. �I just wish I knew what was bothering her so much.�
�I�d think that would be pretty obvious,� Justin remarked, �Jaxson�s death.�
Shaking his head slightly, Chris stood and moved to leave the room. �Maybe, but she�s always come to me when someone�s death has bothered her. It just seems weird that she wouldn�t this time, especially when I was so close to Jaxson too. If anyone could understand what she�s going through, it would be me.�
Justin and JC just looked at each other and shrugged after Chris left. They knew he felt responsible for her; as Jaxson�s little sister, she�d become his little sister too. Chris had been devastated when his best friend had been killed, but compared to Kaitlyn�s grief, Chris�s was non-existent. She�d completely fallen apart after her brother�s death, and her moderate drinking habits had quickly spiraled out of control. They�d received word just the day before that Kaitlyn could be found at any one of a dozen of the popular nightclubs and bars of Little Rock, Arkansas on any given night of the week. Chris had been stunned at the news. He�d known she was troubled and depressed, but he had no idea that she�d gotten so bad.
�We�ve got a show in Little Rock next week, don�t we?� Justin asked quietly. JC sighed and nodded, and Justin stared up at the ceiling of the bus. �Well, things will be getting interesting around here, won�t they?�
�Why does it matter so much to you?� Kaitlyn screamed. �This is my life, and those are my friends you�re putting down!�
�Friends? God, Kait, think about that for a minute. Do these people know anything about you at all? Do they know that you get upset even thinking about a hurt animal? Do they know you had a brother named Jaxson? Hell, do they even know your last name?�
�They know my last name!� Kaitlyn countered, �and I don�t care if they don�t know the rest; in fact, I�m glad they don�t know about Jaxson! At least then they won�t try to take his place!�
The other four members of *N Sync sat silently at the front of the bus, trying not to hear too much of Chris and Kaitlyn�s conversation, although the volume had grown enough to make good intentions impossible. Every word spoken behind the closed door to the living area was heard loud and clear�emphasis on loud.
�They�re really ripping each other up this time, aren�t they?� Lance said softly.
The others nodded. �I don�t blame him though,� JC answered, �I�d do the same thing if I found out Heather was involved in half the stuff Kaitlyn�s admitted to.�
Ten feet away the screaming continued.
�At least they accept me for who I am, Christopher. That�s more than I can say about you!�
�Who you are?� Chris yelled, �They don�t even know who you are!�
�Oh, and you do?�
Chris�s voice lowered dangerously, so low the others could barely hear. �I know the real you. I know the Kaitlyn who cried when her parakeet died. I know the Kaitlyn who tried to make everyone believe she hated dressing up for prom, even though she really loved every minute of it. I know the Kaitlyn who didn�t have the strength to reach out for help when her brother�s death left her broken.�
Kaitlyn�s next words were clogged with tears. �How dare you. How dare you throw that in my face!�
�I wasn�t trying to throw it in your face, Kait,� he tried to explain. �I was just trying to point out that they only know the Kaitlyn who gets drunk at bars every other night. Do you honestly think they�d be there to help you if you were in trouble?�
�Of course they would,� she answered, sounding doubtful.
�Really?�
�Yes.�
He started pacing. �So, you like the person you are when you�re with them? They make you feel special? Loved?�
Kaitlyn had no response. She turned away from her friend and stared out the window. Chris sighed, walked over to her, and placed a hand on her shoulder.
�Kait, I�m just really worried about you.� Chris said. �I love you like my own sister, and I can�t stand the thought of you out there in trouble. Especially trouble that you seem to chase after.�
�You just don�t understand, Chris. You don�t know what it�s like.�
�Then make me understand. Tell me what it�s like.�
�I can�t.�
He put his other hand on her arm and turned her to face him, hugging her tightly for a moment. �Tell me what�s been going on. I can help you if you�ll let me.�
�Nobody can help me, Chris,� she answered, �you don�t want to know those things.�
�Yes, I do Kait. More than that, I need to know.�
She shook her head, a tear making it�s way down her cheek. �No. If I told you�you�d hate me.� With that, Kaitlyn turned away and rushed out the door, almost knocking Joey down in her haste to get away.
�Kaitlyn, wait! Please!� Chris shouted, taking off after her and grabbing her just before she got off the bus. She struggled in his arms for a moment before giving up.
�What?� she cried.
He looked squarely into her tear-filled eyes. His heart broke at the anguish he saw there. �Kaitlyn, there is nothing�I repeat, nothing that could ever make me hate you or stop being your friend. I love you, and I�ll always be there for you.�
JC looked at his friends. �Um, we�ll be in the back if you need us,� he muttered, grabbing the other three before heading to the back of the bus and leaving Kaitlyn and Chris alone. The two watched each other silently, waiting for someone to make the first move.
Kaitlyn ventured the first tense comment. �Just leave it alone, Chris. Let me go and forget you ever knew me.�
�You know I can�t.�
�Look, this isn�t any easier for me, you know. I need to do this alone!�
Chris took a few deep, calming breaths. �Why? Why do you feel the need to run away all the time?�
�I�m not running away from anything!� Kaitlyn protested.
�Yes, you are, Kaitlyn,� Chris replied gently, �think about it. You moved into your own apartment two weeks after Jaxson was buried, and you�ve ignored all of your own friends in the process. If that�s not running away, I don�t now what is.� He could see a new look in her eyes and knew he�d finally gotten through to her.
�I wasn�t trying to run away from people,� she said quietly, �I was trying to run away from the memories.� Understanding dawned in his eyes, and she turned away from him and continued. �I had to distance myself from everything that was connected to Jaxson. I never meant to hurt you.�
�I know. I never meant to hurt you, either.� Chris answered. �I know it must seem that I�m always breathing down your back and trying to be your brother and all, but I only do it because I care.�
�I know.�
�I just don�t think you�re going to find these �friends� of your are going to be there for you when you need it.�
�I know.�
Chris looked momentarily confused. He reached his hand under her chin and tipped her head up. �I don�t understand. If you know, why are you still considering them friends?�
�That I don�t know.�
�Okay,� Chris thought for a moment. �Do you know why you wouldn�t talk to me about all of this before it got to be too much for you?�
�Because I always thought I could handle it.� Kaitlyn moved over to the window and sat down. �I didn�t think I was out that far until I look around me and realized I was out so far I couldn�t see the shore anymore. Then the only thing that I could think of to do was drink until I forgot about everything.�
�Hey, you still could�ve called,� Chris answered, mock-seriously. �As a member of *N Sync, I�m sure I could�ve found a helicopter or plane somewhere to fly out and rescue you.�
For the first time in months, Kaitlyn truly laughed. She shook her head. �Chris, you are too much.�
He grinned. �I know. So, are you going to let me help you?�
�Yeah,� she smiled back, �yeah, I think I will.�
Still on Your Side, by BBMak