A while ago, Dan Marino picks up this injury to his throwing arm. He goes to see Coach Johnson.
"Coach Johnson," he says, "I'm finished, I got this real bad injury to my throwing arm and I don't know if I'm gonna be able to throw the ball ever again."
"Relax," says Coach Johnson, "all you need to do is go swimming with the dolphins."
"But Jimmy- I swim every day with Karim, Zach...."
"Not THEM," the coach says, "the wild dolphins."
"But Bryan's gone to Chicago now."
"No, no," says Johnson, "not your team-mates, you need to swim with the wild dolphins in the ocean. Swimming with the dolphins is wonderfully theraputic. Your arm'll be right in no time."
So Marino goes down to the beach, puts all his clothes in a pile and uses his legs and good arm to swim out to where the dolphins are. This one dolphins swim up to him and says:
"F*ck me, it's David Hasselhoff!"
"I'm not David Hasselhoff, I'm Dan Marino!" says Marino, "The Dolphins' starting quarterback. Well, I was the starter until I picked up this injury to my throwing arm."
"Lemme see that," says the Dolphins, "I'm a dolphin doctor and I may just be able to help."
"A dolphin doctor? No sh*t!" says Marino.
"Why would I lie to you?" says the dolphin doctor. "Here, take this bottle of dolphin whisky distilled from seaweed. When you get back to land, rub half on your throwing arm and drink the other half."
So Marino swims back to land, towels himself dry and rubs half the dolphin whisky onto his throwing arm, which starts to feel better almost immediately. Then he drinks the other half and it's the best whisky he's ever tasted. Not only that, but his arm feels better, so he picks up a football and rifles it out into the ocean.
Well the ball gets as far as the wild dolphins, and the dolphin doctor - who's done a bit of pass receiving at fish school - leaps out of the water and catches it in his mouth.
"Hey, dolphin doctor," says Marino, "Great catch! How you just gotta give me some more of that whisky. I can take it to a lab, have it analysed, re-created and mass-produced! Football injuries will be a thing of the past! With the proceeds, I'll start a world-wide programme for dolphin conservation. How about it? Are you gonna give me some more of that dolphin whisky?"
"Well, I'd love to give you some more dolphin whisky," says the dolphin doctor,
"but unfortunately, it's purely for medicinal porpoises!!!!".