Tera Kirk
Classics 122

March 15, 44 B.C.E

I heard that Maecenas had one of his infamous gatherings last night. I wasn’t there, of course--Maecenas’ interests lie mostly with poets and other such people. However, I was thinking of him, and I had some wine to commemorate his party. I think I had a bit too much.

But enough of that. There is a meeting of the Senate today, and something tells me that it will be different from most others. I’ve heard rumors of Caesar’s danger--that men have dark designs. But I’m ready for them.

Caesar’s a great man. He’s made some mistakes, but he’s someone who has benefited Rome in so many ways. If he were killed, Rome would probably lose the best man she’s ever had. I’ve known Caesar for years--I served under him in Gaul and in Greece, where we overcame our size and defeated Pompey’s forces at Pharsalus. He’s a great general, and besides that, he’s done a lot for Rome--perhaps too much. He’s overcome the grain shortage by giving free grain to the people, given them land, put on games for them, supervised projects for their benefit and, in so doing, given them meaningful labor. He’s decreased debt, but not cancelled it; maybe he’s remembered just who he should be catering to--the people with power. And Caesar even opened up the gates of Roman citizenship to many kinds of people, even the Gauls who ransacked our city so many years ago. Looking back, I wonder if his idea that he can be all things to all people is what partially sparked these--rumors-- I hear and can’t help but listen to.

But there are other things--actions and insinuations to rouse the passions of the monarch-fearing Republicans: The fact that he now calls himself dictator perpetuus can’t sit well with them; sure, we’ve had dictators before, but only for short periods of time. No one has been a “Dictator for Life.” Then there’s the matter of Caesar’s putting his face on our coins--no living person has ever done that. He even had permission to wear the triumphal regalia of our old kings. However, I must be honest, and admit that this flaunting of power is to some degree my fault. I contributed to it, anyway. After all, who was the one who offered Caesar a crown three times at the Lupercal? Who led the college of priests in charge of the cult that worshipped him? Creticus’ son, of course! Now, in light of all the things I’ve heard, I wish I hadn’t been so stupid. It’s too late now, though. What can I do? Well, just what a descendant of Hercules would do. (I’ve heard that I bear a resemblance to his statues). I have strength, and courage, and I’m a natural leader in times of war. I’m no stranger to violence, and if it comes to that, it will. No one will get to Caesar without going through M. Antonius first!

I wonder who actually wants to get to Caesar. Who should I look out for? I’ve heard muffled things about Brutus and Cassius. Maybe friends of Pompey’s? His son Sextus is in Spain...perhaps he sent some legions to Rome? Or is he really away? If I had to pick someone I thought was leading the conspiracy, it would have to be Cicero. I can’t stand him, and I don’t know why Caesar puts up with him. He had my mother’s second husband killed, after all. He’s such a fan of the Republic--he can’t like the power Caesar has developed, not one bit. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was just tolerating Casear so he could cultivate his plot against Caesar’s life without suspicion. I’ll keep an eye on him.

I had to stop writing for a while--a messenger boy came to the house. He said that Caesar would not be attending the meeting of the Senate today. When I asked him why, the boy said it was because Caesar wasn’t feeling well. I felt this wasn’t the whole story, and when I pressed him, he said that Caesar’s wife Calpurnia feared for her husband’s life and wouldn’t let him leave the house--much to Caesar’s annoyance. Just like a woman, really. Doesn’t she think Caesar has friends? Friends who would protect him from his enemies? Has she no confidence in us? I hope Caesar has more sense than to let himself be controlled by her. Would the man who paraded the conquered Vercingetorix through the city and who has accomplished what most men can only dream of choose not to face danger courageously? Ha! Who do these men so bent on assassinating Caesar think they are, anyway? I’ll bet they have no confidence in us, either. Well, I’ll prove them wrong! Caesar vivat tempus longum!

I see Caesar now, outside my window. He’s being carried on a litter. That messenger boy must have been right about his illness, by the gods. I’d better go to the Capitol; I am consul, you know. Will write more later. Vale. M. Antonius