Babylon 5


By March Hare.

Check out my Babylon 5 icon libraries and desktop themes at my homepage, March Hare's Info-Warren.

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Before you read further, you should know that I am from Australia, & at the time this occured we hadn't even seen the beginning of season four, "No Surrender, No Retreat".
A bit over a year ago, a series of bootleg NTSC tapes passed through my hands. They were copies of copies of copies..., but on these was the entirety of season four. Quickly becoming the envy of all my B5-watching friends, I diligently watched several episodes a night before returning the tapes to their owner. It is taking all of my powers of restraint not to spoil the surprises for my friends...
However, with one of the tapes I struck pure gold. It contained NOT a season 4 episode, but the Babylon 5 in-house gag reels from seasons 1 & 2. The video quality was bad (remember, this is Australia, on a PAL standard, and these were copies of copies...), and there was a heavily overlaid rock track, but I dragged my PC into the lounge room, hooked it up to my VCR, and proceeded to record & clean up whatever I could get turn into a decent sound bite.

I present them here, as my gift to the on-line B5 community. Someone else might have a site for these as well, but in all my adventures on the 'net, I am yet to find any.

Let the fun begin...

Bagel.zip Centauri Dignitary: You want a bagel?
Londo: Yes.
Centauri: There is not a bagel in the whole quadrant, you could not a bagel.
Londo: Not a bagel?
Centauri: No, not a bagel!
Londo: Anything else?
Centauri: I could get for you a...
Vir: Excuse me, as long as you're going to be out, can you.. those little potato things...
Centauri: But he wants a knish!
Londo: A knish would be good, and some bialy.
Centauri: I could get for you a bialy. Now a bialy I could get for you.
Londo: Go ahead, leave us alone, now. We're going to work this out...
Beacon.zip Keffer: Attach homing beacon and... and... and.. and do something else...
Bk2camra.zip Ivanova: My back's to camera. I can fuck up all I want.
Btmnia.zip Delenn: So, tell me of home, Lennier. I have been away far too long.
Lennier: Beatlemania is back.
Calloff.zip Garibaldi: Someone's trying to frame me for the explosion in the Cobra bay. They planted a schematic of the bay and a pouch of Centauri ducats in my quarters.
Londo: Cen-tar-ri?
Garibaldi: Cen-tau-ri.
Londo: Po-tay-to?
Garibaldi: Po-tah-to.
Londo: To-may-to?
Garibaldi: To-mah-to.
Both: Let's call the whole thing off!
Carvbone.zip Mimbari: Because we are the same, you may ask your questions. If you can tolerate the answers.

Lennier: Who... who carved your bone? It's a fabulous design!
Mimbari: Same, guy, same guy. It's just this new thing he's doing...
Garibaldi: This is pretty cool stuff, huh? Watch the show- Wednesday nights, 8.00pm, Channel 17.
Confuse.zip Sheridan: And we will not... What will we will not?
Cwedits.zip Franklin: O.K, 30 cwedits. Cwedits?
Garibaldi: Wow, ya screwy wabbit!
Dcktfckt.zip Londo: 500 Centauri ducats. That will buy you everything you need.
Garibaldi: You're being awfully generous...
Londo: Can I go back and say ducats again? Fucket!
Ddnthnk.zip Franklin: But if she's sick... I'm surprised you didn't call in one of your own doctors.
Lennier: Great idea! I didn't think of that. You're dismissed...
Dntrmbr.zip Keffer: I don't remember the line.
Sheridan:Ooh, have some of that! That good fattening crap. Yeah, that's good.
Ivanova: Hey, shut up! I don't need any comments on the peanut butter either.
Sheridan: You looked at your butt lately? Ooh, some quiche; can't even spell it. And try that human ear; it's from a tree called Vangoghs. Very fattening. And there's some good rice to loosen the bowels...
Ivanova: Shut up...
Fkupcomp.zip All the profanities as they appeared on the gag reel.
Fuck.zip Sheridan: Ah, fuck it.
Fuck2.zip Sheridan: Ah, fuck.
Fuck3.zip Franklin: Fuck.
Shit.zip Sheridan: Ah, shit.
Shit2.zip Franklin: Er... ah, shit!
Shit3.zip Sheridan: Ah, shit!
Shit4.zip Sheridan: Shit!
Goddamn.zip Corwin: Goddamn it!
Gasup.zip Sheridan: That motherfucker's... it's, er... gassing up to shoot!
Getup.zip Warrior Caste: Get up!
Lennier: No.
Warrior: sorry...
Gkar.zip Londo: That bastard G'Kar! He said he knew nothing about this! G'KAR!!!
Vir: G'KAR!!!
Godimoff.zip Sheridan: God I'm way off! I couldn't be more off the fucking mark!
Gtfcked.zip Rameirez: I'm gonna have a great dinner on your 30 credits, Doc.
Franklin: Dream On!
Garabaldi: Hit the road! Get Fucked!
Hyperion.zip Sinclair: Where's the Hyperion?
Ivanova: On the other side. The enemy sheeps keeping them between us...
Sinclair: Well to hell with them!
Kerfung.zip Sinclair: Interesting. I've heard it was the religious caste who issued the religious... kerfungabooboo...
Loosenup.zip Londo: Come on, Commander. Loosen up! You're supposed to enjoy yourself!
Sinclair: I am.
Londo: Good!
Notclose.zip Garibaldi: But if that's true, then whoever tried to kill her probably doesn't even remember trying to do it. And that wasn't even close to the line, so we'll do it again. One more time. O.K...
proctol.zip Sinclair: Proctologist for the commander, please.
Prof-bad.zip Vir: If I return without a 'yes', the consequences will be profoundly... bad.
Puddytat.zip Londo: I tawt I taw a puddy tat. I did, I did see a puddy tat.
Ragesh12.zip Ivanova: My god, whoever's piloting that shuttle's a madman!
Londo: Ahh, just like Ragesh 12... There is no connection to the 405 here... We'll have to take the Long Beach... We'll take the Long Beach, is that alright? First the Long Beach, then the 405. Alright, I know where we're going now. There'll be a bathroom stop in about 10 minutes.
Drall: I hope so.
Rameirez.zip Rameirez: Rameirez, go.
Computer: Lt. Rameirez, you're going to die at the end of this episode. You need to pick up your cheque now.
Rameirez: Yeah, I'll be right there.
Satan.zip Lennier: We're having a little trouble with Satan, but we'll be right back.
Sleptmaj.zip Sinclair: So, you know this Major Kemmer?
Garibaldi: Oh, yeah. I slept with her a couple of times.
Somethng.zip Londo: Thank you for the sensitivity, Captain. I do not lie when I say: This could have been a major... something.
Stmulatd.zip Garibaldi: Yours?
G'Kar: No, your mother's!
Garibaldi: No, my mother is more like this.
G'Kar: Get out!
Garibaldi: I don't think it's time for me to go. I'm suddenly feeling stimulated.
Thtslyta.zip Garibaldi: Hey wait a second. Hold up. I know her. It's, it's Lyta.
Franklin: Who?
Garibaldi: Lyta!
Franklin: Who... who be Lyta?
Garibaldi: THE BITCH!
Whthell.zip Sheridan: What the hell am I saying?
Wimbari.zip Ivanova: I mean, everyone always said that it was impossible to take out a... a Wimbari Morecruiser? Shit...
Yomomma.zip Garibaldi: Yours?
G'Kar: No, your mother's!

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