sliders comedy
A Sliders Parody.
This was posted in alt.tv.sliders:
From: Brandi
Wilkes
A Sliders Parody
In a perfect world, in a perfect dimension, on a perfect Network, this would be my dream 2 hour Sliders movie for the Series Finale! The vortex opens up in the middle of a crowded bar in the Dominion Hotel on Casablanca Earth! Casablanca Earth diverged from Earth Prime both historically & ideologically since color was never invented so this world is completely Black & White. Maggie slides out first and Remmy, Quinn, & Wade miraculously all seem to have a perfect aim and land on top of Maggie (of course, Quinn enjoyed it most since he likes to be on top). ;-) As the Sliders get up from the pile, the Sliders are shocked to find themselves back in San Francisco in the Last Chance Bar & Grill with Wing, Pavel, Ross J. Kelley, Artie, Michael Hurley, & Quinn's 4 parents sitting around having a beer while Diggs acts like a reject from the movie Cocktails. But none of the bystanders even notice the Sliders sliding out of the vortex. Suddenly, Quinn spots a little COW having trouble tying her shoelaces...
Quinn: (with a William Shatner accent): Got... to... help... the... chick... of... the... week...
Wade: NO! Quinn sit! Quinn stay! Don't make me give you a Time Out! Sheesh! Quinn, can't you think more with your brain and less with your pants! No wonder men are the weaker sex! How MALE of you!
Maggie: (looking out of the window): Oh, look, it's a Giant Gerbil! Wade, can I pet it? Can I? Can I? Oh, please! Pretty please!
Wade: ARGH! Maggie, how many times have I told you that your tight fitting T-Shirts are cutting off the oxygen to your brain. Remmy, why don't you make yourself useful and sing a song.
(For the next 30 minutes, Remmy sings all his songs from his gold record, Topless. unfortunately only available on 8-Track on this earth)
Quinn (30 minutes later): Okay, by my calculations and using the theory of an 7th Century dung salesman, I calculate that Vampire Colonel Rickman should be bursting through that door in 5 minutes.
Wade: Well, is everyone ready?
Remmy: I've got the garlic.
Quinn: I've got the wooden stakes.
Maggie: I've got holy water!
Wade: And I've got the Crucifix! Okay, we're ready!
Bursting through the door is Vampire Colonel Rickman (complete with fangs and a cape to "pay homage" to some unknown movie). The Sliders surround the Vampire and are about to kill him and steal the Timer when suddenly a red vortex opens up and Logan slides out!
Logan (with a phaser aimed on Quinn's head): Finally, I've been following you guys for the last 24 episodes! Quinn, I WANT THE HOME COORDINATES TO MY EARTH! If you don't give it to me, I swear I'll reprogram all the VCRs in a 400 mile radius with my Timer/TV remote control!
Quinn: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I was going to tape Howard the Duck so we could pay homage to it next week! Suddenly another vortex opens up and The Good Professor lands on top of Logan!
Good Professor: Well, I'm back! (everyone in the bar cheers!) You really didn't think that was the right professor, did you? Anyways, I'm dying of a horrible, incurable disease! (everyone sighs)
Wade: Maybe we can put you in a bubble!
Good Professor: ARGH! Wade, have you been taking your stupid pills again? Why don't you go play hopscotch for awhile.
Suddenly, again, another vortex opens up and Mary & the Kromaggs appear! Mary & the Kromaggs are bent on conquering the Multiverse and forming a singing group (I've got their CD! I love Mary & the Kromaggs' hit song, "I've only got *EYES* for you!")
Mary: I'm sorry we haven't been keeping in touch, but my Kromagg friends got distracted by Tori Spellings' rather large eyeballs.
Kromagg Commander Alexxis: By the way, the Kromagg Dynasty will be spun off into another series. It's a soap opera about these filthy rich Kromaggs. There's Blakke & Krysttal Karringtton and I star as Alexxis. Krysttal and Alexxis are always getting into cat fights! Oh, wait, I almost forgot... In the name of the Kromagg Dynasty, I declare this Earth conquered and everyone here are slaves and we'll be eating your eyeballs. Wait, if we eat their eyeballs, how will they watch the Kromagg Dynasty on TV... oh, well!
Remmy: This would make a great song! I want tears in my 'fro but the Kromaggs ate my eyeballs... la... la...
Kromagg Commander Alexxis: Oh, it's the Cryin' Man! Can you autograph this eyeball! I promise I'm not some dranged fan! And hey, didn't my double on Earth Prime use to date you...
Remmy: Well, well, how can I deny a fan... how about dinner... no eyeballs, please!
Maggie: Oh, look! It's a furry Kromagg! Can I pet it? Can I? Can I?
Suddenly, again, another vortex opens up and Bennish & the FBI (another popular singing group and rival of Mary & the Kromaggs) appear with guns ready.
Bennish: Whoooooooa! That was better than that time I smoked that weed... um... I mean they were herbal remedies for my cold... that's it!
FBI: Well, well, Quinn... you don't want to know what trouble we've been going through. We had to choose between arresting Richard Jewell again or chasing you... um... by any chance do you now who bombed the Atlanta Olympics?
(Kromagg Commander Alexxis gets suddenly uncomfortable)
Wade: Oh, wow, I've got to write this all down in my magical diary that fits in my tiny pockets!
Quinn: Wait! I have to take off my shirt before this episode ends!
(Quinn takes off his shirt) Now we've got the Sliders in a bar with all the recurring characters and with Vampire Colonel Rickman, Logan underneath the Good Professor, Mary & the Kromaggs, and Bennish & the FBI... Am I forgetting something? Oh yeah, at the same precise moment, the Space-Time Continnum starts to collapse! What a bummer! Then suddenly, another vortex open up and Ryan appears!
Ryan, The Anti-Henry: Ha! Ha! My plan to wipe out the Multiverse is working! Die Scully! Die Mulder! Hey, this isn't X-File Earth!
Out of no where, Henry the Dog god of Sliding appears!
Henry: Woof!
(with that single bark, Henry put things right where things once went wrong... the FBI arrest Logan, Vampire Rickman, and Mary & the Kromaggs. The Kromaggs are forced to become servants and do the bidding of the humans on Planet of the Apes. The Sliders return to Earth Prime, but make stops at Colony Earth to say good bye to Malcom, Clueless Earth to buy Maggie a clue, and the Land of the Happy Midgets to heal the professor. And everyone lived happily ever after. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot, a giant pulsar crashed landed on top of FOX headquarters...)
THE END!