Marie's Parody 2

Geoff and Matt were waiting outside the lodging house, as they did every morning, before they were forced into the cruel torture of selling papes. They hated being newsies with a passion. They'd tried suicide. It didn't work. Pie Eater walked out the door. "Hey Pie Eater," began Matt. "How's your wife?" finished Geoff. Pie Eater rolled his eyes and walked away. This was getting rather old. They did that every morning. The next newsie walked out. It was Lynn. "Hey Lynn," began Geoff. "How's your- oh crap." Matt said, disappointed because their line wouldn't work. They blushed. Lynn walked away, unfazed. Not much phased Lynn. The next newsie was Snipeshooter. "Hey Snipeshooter," began Matt, "How's your wife- and my kids?" Geoff finished, with a straight face. They looked at each other and cracked up. They'd spent all night coming up with that line and were extremely proud of themselves. Snipeshooter looked puzzled, "Huh?" he asked dumbly.

Mush returned to the Lodging House, to discover an fancy envelope on each newsie's bunk. Except for Snitch. He ran over to find his, and opened it. It said: Come to the wedding of Bryan Denton and Ginger Spice. Yes, Ginger left the Spice Girls for Her Man Denton, despite Davy's jealousy. You are invited to come to their wedding on April 32. Mush knew it must have been a joke. Ginger Spice couldn't have left the Spice Girls, she just couldn't! I mean, we all thought she did in Angela's parody, Newsies Meet the Spice Girls but this time it was real. "Oh no!" Mush sobbed as he went to scribble out Geri on his Spice Girls poster. He threw his CD out the window. It hit Matt. He picked it up. "Hey!" he cried, "Who threw this out the window? I love the Spice Girls!" "Me!" Mush sobbed. Matt and Geoff ran into the Lodging House to see what was wrong. They ripped open the engraved invitations on their beds. "I don't want to go to a stupid wedding." scowled Geoff, carelessly tossing the invitation onto the ground. But Matt reacted differently. He pulled out a blue baseball cap and perched it on top of his head, and it looked like it might fall off. The Mourning Hat. It never did fall off, of course. He threw himself at the ground and started to sob. His hat never fell off. "Ginger was my favorite!" he cried, "How could the Spice Girls do this to us?" "I don't know!" cried Mush, in hysterical tears. They shredded the Spice Girls poster that belonged to Mush. Geoff rolled his eyes. They burned the little pieces of poster on the ground. Jack walked in. "What's da problem?" he asked. Matt and Mush were too depressed to say a word. They stared at the ashes lying on the floor. Geoff whispered to Jack "Geri quit the Spice Girls to marry Denton." "Oh." said Jack, understanding.

When Dutchy, Pokey and Lumpy were done killing each other, Bumpy walked in. They noticed beautiful, gold plated, manatee shaped invitations on their bunks. Dutchy tore his open. "Hmmm..." he said thoughtfully, "The price of Hawaiian bananas have gone up." Les sighed from New York, he had TOLD him to quit drinking. "Really?" asked Lumpy, excited. He ran over to look at his invitation. He held it up and cried "EXTRA! EXTRA! TROLLEY STRIKE DRAGS ON!" "Where's that story?" asked Pokey, abandoning her project of fixing the injured sea-doilies. "Page nine!" answered Lumpy. (There is absolutely nothing scarier than two drunken manatees and one drunken Dutchy, if you couldn't tell.) Pokey opened her invitation and turned to page nine. Bumpy watched in confusion as his friends wandered aimlessly around.

Blink walked into the Lodging House to discover everyone there was mourning..... something. Matt was wearing the Mourning Hat, and Mush was wearing black. "What's wrong?" he asked. "The.... the..... the...." began Mush before falling to the ground, sobbing. "They.... they.... Spice....." Matt managed to say before dissolving into hysterical tears. Blink turned to The Voice of Sanity. "Jack? What da heck are dey talkin' about?" Jack rolled his eyes. "Ginger Spice left da Spice Goyls ta marry Denton. Dey boyned up Mush's poster an' threw da CD out da window." He looked exasperated. Geoff had been mourning this sudden streak of stupidity in his friend, Matt. Jack was mourning the fact that his newsies were absolutely dissolving into nothing over Ginger leaving the Spice Girls. Blink stared at Mush and Matt for a few seconds before he turned and walked out the door. He went all the way to Denton's apartment. Of course, Denton didn't live there anymore, he'd moved to Tajikistan after he'd become the Sun's ace war corespondent. Not that Tajikistan even existed in 1899, so Blink really had no chance of finding him. He knocked on the door of what he believed to be Denton's apartment. An ancient old lady answered the door, followed by her evil looking blond great great granddaughter. The girl was dressed all in black, and had an enormous glow-in-the-dark blue stone around her neck on a thick silver chain. The old woman was wearing a pale pink nightgown. The evil looking girl said, "oh, how nice to see you Blink, come on in." Blink stared in disbelief. "We've been waiting for you." The evil looking girl added. Blink was very afraid. "I don't know youse!" He shouted. "Sure you do." She said, "come on in and I'll explain everything." Blink nodded meekly under the girl's intense and evil glare. He ducked through the extremely low door and was amazed by the fact that there were no lights on in the entire apartment, and the shades were drawn, yet he could see everything by the light of the evil blond girl's glow-in-the-dark blue stone.......

All of a sudden, the lights went out. Bumpy smacked into Dutchy, knocking him over. Dutchy's glasses fell off, and Lumpy smashed them with his tail as he went by. Only Pokey wondered why the lights had gone out. They had no lights in the house. All the light came from the sun. Then it hit her. The sun had gone out. Of course, Pokey was wrong about this, in reality, someone had caught Captiva Island and all the water surrounding it, and put it in a covered dish to be served raw to Her Majesty Princess The Eighteenth. When the cover had gone on the dish, the lights had gone out. Dutchy rolled under the couch. Bumpy's neck got tangled up in the big pink bow that had been around Pokey's neck, but had fallen off since the water had loosened the sticky stuff on the bow. Lumpy fell into a crevasse right in the middle of the house. Dutchy found a huge box of bombs. He began to randomly throw them everywhere around him, aimlessly. Several of them went into Pokey's mouth.....

Davy and Pie Eater walked along. "Ya sure you know whea' we's goin'?" asked Pie Eater nervously. "I'm POSITIVE." said Davy. Pie Eater had asked him many times. "Ya sure you can go through with this?" he asked. Davy clenched his teeth. "I've got to do what I've got to do." He paused. "We're here." They had reached the run-down apartment that they had been looking for. Matt and Mush had sent them on this mission. Davy nervously approached the door. He knocked. The door flung open. "What do YOU want?" asked Ginger Spice. Davy cleared his throat. "I'm... uhh... Denton's partner- uhh... business partner. I work for the New Zealand no... the New York Sun. I write knockwursts... no.... I write articles..... about Spice Girls." Geri gave him a funny look, "Can't you read?" There was a large sign on the door, written in blood. It said "NO REPORTERS. THAT MEANS YOU, YOU, YOU FILTHY BAG OF SCUM." David wondered how Denton ever got in. "I'm not a reporter. I'm a photographer." Geri rolled her eyes. She then drop-kicked Davy. Pie Eater, during this time, had snuck into Geri's closet and snatched her wedding..... outfit. He threw it out the window to David. Geri walked in. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Pie Eater threw a plate of macaroni with chunks of knockwurst and warheads at Ginger and threw himself out the window. Ginger ate the macaroni and got The Macaroni Power.

Jack was sitting in the lodging house, playing poker with Racetrack. Jack had lost 300 and 5 fourths of his Warheads and 7 knockwursts. Race had lost a TPX baseball bat that cost 100 bucks. It was the- kid- on-the-other-team's. David and Pie Eater walked in. "Jack," asked Davy, eyes imploring Jack, "How much do you love me?" Racetrack fell over laughing. Jack gave him a withering look. "Why?"

The day of the wedding between Ginger Spice and Denton Spice Jack muttered curses as Davy handed him the outfit. He had agreed to do this for 15 Warheads and the benefit of his friends. Geoff gaped when he saw what Jack would be wearing. He cracked up and fell over, yanking Matt down with him. They both laughed hysterically until Jack kicked Matt across the lodging house. Then Matt shut up. Geoff laughed even harder now. Jack swore at Geoff, but it didn't effect him. He was immune. Jack looked disgustedly at the pile of sequined red fabric in his hands. "I have to...." he muttered. "It's for your friends." said Davy firmly. Jack threw a brick at Davy. Davy ducked and it hit Geoff. Geoff laughed even harder. Jack cursed under his breath as he stomped to the washroom. "I can't believe I'm letting them do this to me....." he muttered. After a few moments he returned. Geoff laughed harder than he was earlier. He was turning blue from lack oxygen. All the newsies snickered, except Davy. "Hmm...." he said as he looked at the outfit on Jack critically. The skirt, he noticed, was not too tight. Just like he'd hoped. However, something was wrong with the sparkling red crop top. It looked a bit too big. "Uhh.... Jack?" He was answered by a growl. "I think.... uhh..... the shirt-thing doesn't fit you too well." Jack knew exactly why it didn't fit right. He was quite happy about this. "It's ok," said Racetrack, "we're not going to fix it."

"I don't like this color in my hair." said Jack, as Chad put the red hair-mascara into Jack's hair. "You look more like Ginger... with a haircut, this way." Davy was busy freshening Jack up with some mascara and blush. He had taken a class on how to make guys look like Spice Girls at Kloppman's wife's school. Finally, Chad and Davy were satisfied with Jack's face and hair. They stepped back to admire their work. "Stand up." commanded Davy. Jack stood up, scowling. "Why did I let you guys DO THIS TO ME?" he cried. There was a soft knock on the bunkroom door. "Umm, hello?" Angela peeked her head around the door frame. "Oh, uh, hi Angela." Davy said weakly. Jack's scowl could have killed Davy in his tracks. Angela stood in the doorway, gaping. "What," she managed to stammer, "are you doing????!!!!! And what's Ginger Spice doing in the washroom? Who cut her hair? CHAD!!!" "We're making Jack look like Ginger Spice." Chad said excitedly. "Oh," Angela said thoughtfully, "fun! I wanna help!" she squealed. "Here, gimme that," Angela said, snatching the red hair mascara wand out of Chad's hand, "You missed a spot." Jack groaned and slumped back down in the chair.

"So, whaddya think of his makeup?" Angela asked triumphantly, showcasing her work. Davy and Chad examined Jack. "I'm impressed." Davy commented. "The purple eye shadow is a nice touch." he added. "That's a really good lipstick color," Chad said, leaning close to Jack's face to get a better view. "Really makes his lips look full." Angela grinned. "Thank you." "So, are we done yet?" Jack grumbled. "Yup, we're set. Stand up so we can have a good look at you." Davy said. The three of them stepped back and scrutinized Jack for a few seconds. Chad frowned. Davy shook his head. Something wasn't quite right. Angela put her finger on it. "You're not sending him out as Ginger Spice with a chest like that are you?" she asked, disdainfully. Jack's jaw dropped. "NO, you are NOT...."

"So what do you have around here that we can use?" Angela asked. "Socks? Handkerchiefs? Tapioca pudding?" "Pudding?!" Jack shrieked. Angela cocked her head at him. "No pudding? Or do you just dislike tapioca? I'm sure we could get chocolate instead. Or is butterscotch better?" Jack put his face in his hands, "Why, how, this is so humiliating...." he whined to himself. "Here," Davy said, handing Angela some socks. "Oo, thank you. Jack, turn around." "No." Jack said stubbornly. "C'mon, turn around." "No!" "TURN AROUND!" Angela growled. Jack sighed and slowly turned around, his arms crossed over his chest. Angela tried to move his arms. "C'mon," she grumbled, "move your arms!" Finally she managed to yank his arms off his chest and she instructed Chad and Davy to each hold one arm so he couldn't put them back.

"There," Angela said, patting Jack's chest, " that wasn't so bad." "Yes it was." Jack grumbled. "Ok, now lets have a look," Davy said. They stepped back and studied Jack. "He's-" Chad began. "Crooked." Angela and Davy finished with a nod. "Adjust yourself." Angela instructed. Jack sighed and rolled his eyes. "Just do it!" Davy said, exasperated. "Yeah, easy for you to say." Jack muttered under his breath. "If you don't adjust yourself, Jack Kelly, I will!" said Angela, trying to make herself threatening. She glared up at him. "Or should I say.... Ginger Kelly!" she cried, smiling. Chad was still checking to see what was wrong with the outfit. There was still something wrong. "I got it! It's the shoes." Davy checked through his bag of Ginger-clothes. "Here they are!" he cried as he triumphantly held up the 6 inch platforms. "Wow!" cried Chad, "I've never seen platforms so HIGH!" Angela rolled her eyes. She glared at the shoes. "They're too small. Jack's feet would never fit in those." "Oh no!" cried Davy, "He can't go through with this without the shoes!" He ran out of the lodging house to the local shoe store.

Davy ran through the door, out of breath, carrying the red platforms. "Excuse me, but I would like a pair," he held up the shoes, "Of these, in men's 13." The shoe man scratched his head thoughtfully. "Men's 13? In that style platform? Same color?" "Yes, please." "Hmm.... I don't know if we have any left. Red 6 inch platforms in mens sizes have been going like hotcakes!" He rummaged through a closet in the back of the store. He pulled out a box. "This is the last one we got. You are lucky to come in today or they would be gone." Davy grabbed them, threw money at the man, and raced out of the store. Morris Delancey walked in. "'Scuse me sweetface, but do you have any 6 inch red platforms? Size 13? Mens, of course."

"Here," said Davy, breathlessly, "Are your shoes." He thrust the platforms at Jack and collapsed onto the ground. Jack hit himself on the head. "Why am I doin' this.. someone, tell me why I'm doin' this..." he said, glaring evilly down at the shiny red platforms. "I'll break my neck in those," he said. Angela shrugged, "yeah, you might." Davy just nodded from the floor. Jack made no motion to put the shoes on. "Jack, put on the shoes," Angela said. "Yeah, you better," Chad said, "or I'll make ya." He was trying to sound tough. He figured if Angela, who was at least a foot shorter than Jack, could make him listen, he should be able to. Davy staggered to his feet, "You must wear those shoes. I worked very hard to get them for you." Chad peered out of the room and into the parlor, "besides, Matt and Mush will be upset forever if you don't do this." Jack groaned, "I don't think I care anymore..." Angela narrowed her eyes, "what exactly is Jack going to be DOING as Ginger Spice?" Chad bit his lip to keep from laughing. Davy looked traumatized. "He's going to be NOT marrying Denton." he said. It was Angela's turn to bite her lip to keep from laughing, but a slight smile crept across her face anyway. Davy ignored her. Chad cracked up.

Matt and Mush walked into the Lodging House to discover the traitor, Ginger Spice, was there. "Come 'ere, ya dirty, rotten Spice Girl!" cried Mush. "I'll soak ya! Ya bum!" screamed Matt. "That's not Ginger Spice, dumbcheese. It's Jack." said Angela, trying to keep from laughing. Matt and Mush grinned and gave each other five. They hadn't thought he would do it. "Lookin' flashy, Jack." said Mush. "I, like, love the shoes!" cried Matt, ditzy grin on his face. "I'm DOING THIS for YOU." said Jack, with a look that could kill. "You're, like, a doll. Thanks for, like, doing this," said Matt. Jack glared at them both. "Thank you, Ginger Jack!" cried Mush before he and Matt fled from the Lodging House. Five minutes afterwards, Chad started laughing. Angela looked at him, "What?" "Is my lipstick smeared? Is my bra strap showing?" asked Ginger Jack. Chad laughed harder. "Ginger Jack.... hahahahahaha!" "That was 5 minutes ago."

"Oh come on, Jack." "Jack, it's not a big deal!" "Please!" Ginger Jack glared at Angela, Davy, Matt, Mush and Chad, "I don't want to," said Ginger Jack stubbornly. "PLEASE!" chorused the crowd. "Fine. Fine." He held up two fingers and said "Gihl Power," flatly and with no tone. "JACK! You look dumb like that! You sound like a guy!" cried Angela desperately. "Yeah, Jack. You've come this far. Look at what you're wearing!" said Chad, trying to cheer him up. "No. I am not looking at what I am wearing." Suddenly, Dutchy and Bumpy burst in. "I know just the thing that will get him going!" cried Bumpy. "Here!" cried Dutchy as he handed a bottle of vodka to Ginger Jack, "The Spice Goils drink it all the time!" Ginger Jack drank the whole bottle in one gulp. The crowd held their breath, wondering what would happen. Suddenly, Ginger Jack grinned. He held up two fingers and cried "Gihl Power!!!! Future is female!" Angela fainted. Davy looked like he might burst with pride, "I never thought he had it in him." Jack started to sing. "Sooooo tell me whatcha want, what ya really really want! I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want! I wanna ha! I wanna ha! I wanna ha! I wanna ha! I really really really wanna zigazag ahh!!! If ya wanna be my lover...." Chad grinned. Mush and Matt gave each other five, as well as slightly frightened glances. Davy dumped a bucket of water over Angela's head. Dutchy and Bumpy turned around and ran away. Angela woke up. "Huhhhhh....." she asked, and then looked up at Ginger Jack. "What's Ginger Spice doing in here.... oh yeah..." Ginger Jack grinned, "I'm here to..... Spice up your life! Every boy and girl- Spice up your life! All around the world- Spice up your life! Ahhhhhhhh.... shake it to the left, if you're havin' a good time, slam it to the right, if ya know thatcha feel fine..." Davy decided to take charge. "Ok, Ginger Jack, be quiet. Wedding bells are gonna ring soon. And we can't get too carried away here. Lets get the stuff you'll need. I'll get the knife."

You might be wondering what happened to Ginger Spice, you know, the one that was born and they said "It's a girl!" The real one. Davy shackled her in her basement and forced her to eat salty warheads and moldy knockwursts. Ewwww......

Ginger Jack was excited for the wedding. But then- he remembered. He wasn't really Ginger Jack, but Jack Kelly. Male. He wasn't REALLY getting married, either. Matt and Mush had sent him, as a Newsie On A Mission. He looked sheepishly at his waiting entourage; they all cracked up when they saw him. He was wearing a tiny red crop top, covered in sequins. The red miniskirt was incredibly short, no girl would ever, ever, wear anything like it in 1899. Except for a Spice Girl. The chunky red platforms were just the touch that made the outfit absolutely disgusting, and extremely Spicy...

Denton waited for Geri to show up. He wondered what would happen if the bride didn't show up for the wedding. They couldn't call it off. Every newsie in New York was there- except for Snitch, of course. Blink was not there, either. He was with a freaky old woman and her evil blonde great-great- granddaughter. But even Spot had showed up. Geoff had come as well, because he didn't want to stay alone with Snitch, *shudder*. He also wanted to see just what Ginger Jack was going to do. None of that disgusting press Denton hated were there. Other than himself, of course. Finally, she came. Dressed in red. She flashed him that gorgeous Spice Girl grin. Something horrible had happened to her hair, however. And she looked just a little strange....

"Bryan Denton, Ace War Correspondent, do you take this slut, Ginger Spice, AKA... Geri, as your husba- uhhh.... wife?" "I do." "Geri, will you marry this.... man, with the charming bow-ties?" "I.... will.... NOT!" Ginger Jack pulled out a big machete and held it high in the air. A sock fell out of his shirt. Angela rolled her eyes, "I told him to use pudding...." she groaned. Geoff and Chad cracked up. Ginger Jack, unfazed, continued to hold the machete. "I WILL NOT MARRY THIS MAN. HE CAN HAVE DAVY! I AM GOING TO RE-JOIN THE SPICE GIRLS!" he said through gritted teeth. "YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cheered Matt and Mush. The vodka wore off. Jack threw his shoes across the church, and ran screaming away. Denton looked around, confused. Suddenly, a large stage popped out of nowhere, with all 6 Spice Girls. (The knockwurst and warheads messed with Geri's mind, causing her to forget about that reporter forever.) The church was filled with screaming fans. "Sooooo tell me whatcha want, whatcha really really want, I'll tell you- huh?" the Spice Girls sang. Brooklyn appeared. "Neva' fea', Brooklyn's hea'!" They started shooting knockwurst at the Spice Girls.

To be continued...maybe...someday...

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