Kevin: Come on girls, you're going to be late for school.

Mary-Kate & Ashley: Hey dad!

Mary-Kate: Blueberry muffins!  Dah, all this stuff for us?

Kevin: No, I got some friends coming over, so try not to dirty the silverware.

Ashley: Funny Dad.

Kevin: And try not to get any lipstick on the glass.  What's with all that makeup Ashley?

Ashley: I just thought I'd throw in a little blush for the first day of school.

Kevin: Looks like you put on enough for the whole year.  You know my rules about makeup.

Ashley: But dad, I'm eleven.

Kevin: That's right, and when you're thirteen, you can wear makeup.  Now come on, upstairs. I 
want that stuff off before you leave.

Ashley: Ok, but you can't stop the inevitable.

Mary-Kate: You know dad, think we're going to have a problem with that one.

Kevin: Just eat. Hey Jessica, hey Max.  All psyched for the first day of school.

Max: Oh yeah, I'm pumped.

Mary-Kate: Dad, please!  Summer vacation doesn't end until another 20 minutes.

Kevin: Jessica, are you wearing makeup?

Jessica: Yeah, for the first day of school. Everybody is doing it.

Mary-Kate: Not everybody.

Ashley: Hey guys.

Jessica: Ashley, I thought you were going to wear makeup to school today.

Ashley: So did I.  Bye dad.

Kevin: Now, I'm putting up some fliers at the university.  I need a babysitter for you guys for 
the days when I teach nights, so til I find one, Mrs. Baker will watch you.

Mary-Kate: But dad, we're too old to have a babysitter.

Kevin: You know I feel your pain. And you're right, so instead of a babysitter, I'll hire a...
pre-teen activities coordinator.

Max: You guys still need a babysitter?

Mary-Kate: Don't make me hurt you.

Kevin: Bye guys.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kevin: So, you see, the earth always had a greenhouse effect to keep the air warm. Of course if 
it gets any warmer, the polor caps will melt, the oceans will rise, and passing this class will 
be the least of your worries. Ok so remember Wednesday mornings we meet over in the lab so try 
to get to bed early because we start at 7:30 sharp.

Carrie: Professor, professor.  I just... I just got to say great class.

Kevin: Well, thank you, thank you. I'll be here all semester.  And you are?

Carrie: Carrie Moore. Umm, before I leave, I just had a question about the Wednesday Lab.

Kevin: Yes.

Carrie: 7:30.  Haha.  I mean, are you nuts?  Haha.  That puts me in the starbox at like 6:15. I 
mean, like, it's dark.

Kevin: Well sorry Carrie, but there's another class in the lab at 9:00, so I'll see you at 7:30.

Carrie: Professor, I have another thought. 

Kevin: And no other classes obviously.

Carrie: What if I talk to the instructor who has the 9:00 lab and see if I can get him push it 
back to 9:30. Then we can start at 8:00 and everybody will be happy.

Kevin: I can't see why getting up a little bit early is such a big problem.

Carrie: Well, t would if you spent the last half year as a dealer in Vegas.

Kevin: You're not in some Witness Protection Program, are you?

Carrie: No, no.  I'm not your average student. I'm 26.  I dropped out of school after my 
sophmore year to get some life experience.  I did it, I got it, and now I'm back!

Kevin: Ha ha!  First thing you're going to learn is how to get up early.

Carrie: Ok, ok. You're the boss.  Who's your boss?

Kevin: You know every year I have one student that I know for the rest of my life.  This year I 
have a feeling it's going to be you.

Carrie: You never know.  Bye!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Mary-Kate: I can't believe Ms. Tanny gave us homework on the first day.

Max: You got Tanny for the 7th grade? You're toast.  Last year she gave me homework and I wasn't 
even in her class.

Mrs. Baker: Mary-Kate, Ashley, it's getting a little chilly.  Maybe you better put on your jackets.

Mary-Kate: But I'm not cold.

Mrs. Baker: Well, you can always come inside.  I thought that might chance your mind.

Max: How can old lady Baker be your babysitter. I mean, her bedtime is before yours!

Mary-Kate: She's not going be our babysitter for long.  I've decided we're not going to have a 
babysitter this year.

Carrie: Hey guys, is this 238 Belmont?

Mary-Kate: Why? Are you are cop?

Carrie: No. I'm Carrie Moore.  I'm here to apply for the babysitting job.

Mary-Kate: Too late.  Position was just filled. 

Ashley:I guess it's just not your day.  But if you like to leave your phone number, we'll give 
it to our dad.  He should be home in a couple of few minutes.

Carrie: But if your dad isn't home yet, how did he hire a babysitter already?

Max: Ooo, rejected in your face.  disgrace!

Mary-Kate: Hey Max, somebody wants you across the street!

Max: Who?

Mary-Kate: Me.

Max: Ok, ok, ok.

Carrie: Hey guys, I can understand if you don't want someone watching over you all the time.  
You got a lot of stuff on your minds.  I mean, besides school, you're starting to worry about 
how you look, your hair, makeup, boys.

Ashley: She knows me so well.

Mary-Kate: Big deal. Unless she can teach me how to throw a knuckle-ball, I don't think she's 
babysitting material.

Carrie: Well, I can't do that.  But I can show you the slider I learned at Fantasy Baseball Camp.

Mary-Kate: Baseball Camp?  That's so cool!  Did you like it?

Carrie: Are you kidding?  22 guys and 1 girl?  What's not to like?

Ashley: Dad, dad.  We found the perfect person to watch us after school.  Right Mary-Kate?

Mary-Kate: Yeah, she's great! She can do all the girly stuff with Ashley, and all the cool stuff 
with me.

Kevin: Gosh, someone you both like.  Maybe I'll marry her.

Carrie: Professor Burke.

Kevin: Maybe not.

Carrie: I had no idea this was for you.  I'm in one of your dad's classes.

Kevin: Listen girls, why don't you get cleaned up for dinner while I talk to Carrie.

Mary-Kate & Ashley: Ok.  Bye Carrie.

Carrie: Bye!  This is the perfect job for me.  Here is my resume and most of it is true.

Kevin: You know CPR.

Carrie: And first aid.  I was a paramedic in Spain.

Kevin: Oh, that can come in handy in case one of the girls get gorded by a bull.

Carrie: Ha, ha ha ha.  That's funny, so when do I start?

Kevin: Well, I just put up the fliers up this morning, so naturally I want to see some more 
people.  Tell you what, I'll give you a call.

Carrie: No you won't.

Kevin: Excuse me?

Carrie: Professor, the last guy who fed me the line I'll give you a call was Bobby Plate in Jr. 
High.  I think I'll be hearing from Bobby before I hear from you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kevin: Girls, are you taking all that stuff up to the attic?  Who are you feeding up there?  The 
Donner Family?

Mary-Kate: I'm sure that would be funny, if I knew what you were talking about.

Ashley: I know what he's talking about.  It's not funny.

Mary-Kate: We're having a strategy meeting about the big softball game next Monday.

Kevin: Oh, by the way, I decided to hire Mrs. Baker full-time to watch you over after school.

Mary-Kate: Mrs. Baker?  But she's so old.

Ashley: Yeah, dad.  We can't even talk to her.  She's like Generation A.

Mary-Kate: What happened to Carrie?

Kevin: Your friend Carrie was a very close set.  In fact, if for some reason Mrs. Baker can't 
fulfill her role as babysitter, then your friend Carrie who has first runner-up would assume 
those duties.

Mary-Kate: In other words, forget it.

Kevin:  Just give Mrs. Baker a chance.  I heard she used to babysit for Leonardo Di Caprio.  I 
didn't think they'd buy that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Mary-Kate: Hi guys!

Jessica: Hey!

Mary-Kate: Bad news.  Dad had Mrs. Baker to watch us after school.

Jessica: What happened to Carrie?

Ashley: She's history. The only way we're going to see her again is if something happens to Mrs. 
Baker.

Brian: I know some pretty tough guys in 7th grade.

Mary-Kate: Bryan, you dork.  We don't want to hurt her.  We just want her to find something to do so she doesn't have 
time to  watch us.  

Ashley:We've got to think of something.

Jessica: You know when my mom gets off of my back? When she has a boyfriend.

Mary-Kate: Who's gonna wanna go out with a 70 yr. old lady?

Ashley: A 70 year old man?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Mary-Kate: Ok, I got Philmore.  You go over and convince Mrs. Baker.

Mr. Filmore: Something wrong Mary-Kate?

Mary-Kate: Sorry for staring Mr. Philmore, but I just don't see it.

Mr. Filmore: See what?

Mary-Kate: Mrs. Baker says you look like Mel Gibson.  But it's probably just because she has the 
hots for you.

Mr. Filmore: Now what kind of language... hots for me?

Mary-Kate: Don't look now, but she's staring at you.  She turned away, I told you not to look.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ashley: Poor Mary-Kate.  Mr. Filmore is pumping her for information about you again.

Mrs. Baker: Gracious, why would he do that?

Ashley: Oh come on Mrs. Baker.  Everybody knows he's got a major crush on you.  Why do you think 
he's always staring at you?

Mrs. Baker: I've never seen him stare at me.

Ashley: That's because he turns around when you look at him.

Mrs. Baker: He was looking at me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Mr. Filmore: She was looking at me.

Mary-Kate: Maybe you can go ask her out on a date.  I hear the Sizzler has got a senior citizen 
discount.

Mr. Filmore: I do like the Maribu chicken.

Mary-Kate: Go get her.  Mr. Filmore, lose the broom. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kevin: Mrs. Baker, I don't understand.  2 days ago, you were thrilled to get the job.

Mrs. Baker: Well 2 days ago, watching Regis & Kathie Lee Gifford was the highlight of my life.  
Now I'm in a relationship.

Kevin: I only need you a little while in the afternoon.

Mrs. Baker: Sorry, but those are Henry's best hours.

Mary-Kate: I'm going to miss you so much.  Do you really have to leave?

Mrs. Baker: Oh, I'm not going anywhere.  You can visit me at Mr. Philmore's anytime, except when 
the shades are down.

Kevin: Thanks for the warning.  Well we're back to square one.

Ashley: Wait a minute dad, didn't you have a second choice?

Mary-Kate: Oh yeah, what was her name?

Kevin: Carrie!

Ashley: That's it, Carrie!

Carrie: Professor Burke, you called!

Kevin: I did?

Carrie: Well, actually Ashley called, but she gave me your message.

Kevin: Why, thank you Ashley.  It's like you can read my mind.  You know what I'm thinking now?

Mary-Kate: Hey dad.  Somebody's gotta look out for you. After all, she was your 2nd choice.

Kevin: So she was.  Carrie, it looks like you're hired.  How much am I paying her?

Ashley: We're still negotiating.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kevin: Ok, that's it for today. Next time, a little field trip. We'll meet in the express 
elevator of the Sears Tower. We're gonna learn a little about gravity.  Word of advice, don't 
eat breakfast.  

Carrie: Later.

Kevin: Carrie, wait.  Look, it's your first week and I just wanted to remind you uh, this is the
night I teach late. I won't be home until 9.

Carrie: Nine.  Got it.  Bye.

Kevin: Wait, wait wait. The girls have a routine. I just need you to stick to it.  You got to make
sure they eat, do their homework, and are in bed at 9pm sharp.

Carrie: Ok, but that hardly gives me enough time to pierce Mary-Kate's nose.  That's ok. I can do
that while she's asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Carrie: These chocolate cookies are so great.  I could almost feel them going to my thighs.  Who
taught you how to make these?

Ashley: My mom.  She was the best baker ever.

Carrie: When did she pass away?

Ashley: When we were in the 3rd grade.  Dad says I got her cooking talent and Mary-Kate got her
jump-shot.

Mary-Kate: I don't care if you're hurt Brian.  You're clean-up hitter.  Have you ever heard of 
playing in pain?  You are such a wuz!

Ashley: What's wrong with Brian?

Mary-Kate: Compound fracture.  He's wimping out of Monday's ballgame.  You're going to have to play
Ashley.

Ashley: Uh-uh.  No way!

Carrie: What's wrong?  Why don't you want to play?

Ashley: Because I'm awful.  I stink!  All the boys will see that I can't hit.

Mary-Kate: They know you can't hit.

Carrie: Anyone can hit, even you.  You just don't know it yet.  Come on, I know a place where we
can pick up some tips.

Ashley: Where are we going?

Carrie: To watch a Cubs game.

Mary-Kate: A Cubs game?  What are we going to learn from them?

Carrie: Nothing, but the Braves are in town.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kevin: Hi, Mrs. Lacey, this is Kevin Burke. Are my girls over there? No, no problem. We just got
a new babysitter and there's been a little miscommunication.  Ok, thanks anyway, bye.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Mary-Kate:  But how could I lose?  I had two kings and three aces.

Carrie: Yes, but it still doesn't beat four of a kind.

Ashley: Too bad. When we were little, Full House beat everything.

Mary-Kate: Hey dad.

Kevin: Hey girls.

Ashley: Dad, you wouldn't believe it.  We had the best time.  

Mary-Kate: Yeah, we went to Carrie's apartment and saw the Cubs game.  She lives right across from
Wigley field.  Watch the whole thing from the roof.  Between innings, she taught us how to play
poker.

Ashley: Feeling lucky dad?

Kevin: Not right now.  It's pass your bed time.  Say goodnight to Carrie.

Mary-Kate: Goodnight Carrie.

Ashley: See ya.

Carrie: See ya.

Kevin: You know what time it is?

Carrie: Yeah, 10 minutes after 9, but don't worry.  The extra 10 minutes is on me.

Kevin: Carrie, the girls were supposed to be in bed by 9.

Carrie: Oh I know, but we were having so much fun.

Kevin: Well I wasn't.  I come home to find my house empty, no messages and no note from the 
babysitter.

Carrie: I'm sorry, but we were on 10 minutes late.

Kevin: 10 minutes when I had no idea where my daughters were.  You'd be surprised what kind of things
that goes through a father's mind in 10 minutes.

Carrie: I could understand why you were worry professor, but I'm sure once you get to know me...

Kevin: I don't want to get to know you.

Carrie: Are you firing me?

Kevin: Carrie, when I'm not home, I need to know that my girls are being taken care of, and I don't 
get that from you.

Carrie: Professor.

Kevin: Good night Carrie.

Carrie: Tell the girls goodbye.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Mary-Kate: Ashley, do you think Dad will let me get a little tatoo like Carrie's.

Ashley: I doubt it.  You don't even know anyone named Jon Luke.

Mary-Kate: Hey dad.

Kevin: Hey. Listen girls, about Carrie

Ashley: Isn't she the best?

Kevin: I'm not so sure.  I know you like her, but I think she might be a
little too loose with you girls.

Ashley: Too loose?  No way!  She doesn't let us get away with anything.

Mary-Kate: Yeah.  She makes me do homework everyday!  On Wednesday, she even
had me doing extra credit.  Do you know what that could do to my reputation?

Ashley: And she's not like a regular adult.  We can talk to her about stuff.

Kevin: Stuff?  What kind of stuff?

Ashley: Oh, you know...  music, clothes, movies,

Mary-Kate: Pokey Valentine.

Ashley: Mary-Kate, that's private!

Kevin: Pokey Val- Who's Pokey Valentine?

Mary-Kate: Ashley's boyfriend.

Ashley: He is not my boyfriend!  He doesn't even know I like him!

Mary-Kate: He will tomorrow.

Ashley: You're dead!

Kevin: Cut it!  Alright, alright, alright, settle down, both of you.  I didn't know you liked 
somebody.  Why didn't you tell me about it?  This Pokey Valentine.

Ashley: I don't know.

Kevin: You told Carrie

Mary-Kate: Hello?  Carrie's a girl.

Kevin: I see, so you rather talk to her about things like that?

Ashley: Well sure. We're not afraid to go close or anything.

Kevin: And I would?

Mary-Kate: Ashley's first boyfriend?  Come on dad.  Even I'm going to hate him.

Kevin: I think you're right.  It it going to be tough.  But afterall, we've been through the last
3 years together, I'd figured we could handle everything.

Ashley: We can dad.  I mean you're the best father in the world.  

Mary-Kate: Yeah. It's just that there are certain things that are easier to talk to a woman about.

Kevin: I understand that.  And as you girls get older, you're going to be going through some 
things that are going to make us all a little uncomfortable.  But I want you to know, that no one
can love you more than I do.  And there's nothing you can't talk to me about.

Mary-Kate: Thanks dad.

Ashley: Oh dad, could you do us a favor?

Kevin: Sure.

Ashley: Could you knock the next time before you come in?

Kevin: Of course.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Carrie: Come on Sammi!  Let's win us some 10.2 bil.

Kevin: Carrie.

Carrie: Professor, what are you doing here?  Making sure the Cubs are in bed by 9?

Kevin: Girls told me that these were such great seats I had to find out myself.  Who's up?

Carrie: Sammi Sosa.

Kevin: Come on Sammi!  I always knew you were worth all that money they're paying you.

Carrie: What are you really doing up here?

Kevin: Actually I came to apologize.

Carrie: You don't have to apologize.  I kept the girls up too late.  You had every right to fire me.

Kevin: I know that, but...

Carrie: You know you didn't have to be so mean about that.  That you can apologize for.

Kevin: I was worried to death.

Carrie: You didn't have to yell.

Kevin: I never yell!

Carrie: You're yelling now!

Kevin: I'm watching a ballgame!  I didn't just come here to apologize. I came here to ask you back.

Carrie: Excuse me?

Kevin: Carrie, my little girls aren't little girls anymore.  They're growing up.

Carrie: Scary isn't it?

Kevin: Very.  Even though I'm their father, there's a lot of things they're not comfortable discussing
with me.  Things like...

Carrie: Clothes?

Kevin: Yeah.

Carrie: Hair?

Kevin: Yeah.

Carrie: Boys?

Kevin: That's the one I'm worried about.

Carrie: In other words, girl stuff.

Kevin: Exactly.  But they can talk to you.

Carrie: Well, I've been through girl stuff.  A lot of girl stuff.

Kevin: Well, I haven't and that's when you come in.  Look, we both know that we both get on each other's nerves.

Carrie: You don't get on my nerves.

Kevin: Ok, let me rephrase that. We both know that you get on my nerves.  But Mary-Kate & Ashley 
needs someone like you in their lives, so I'd really like it if you come back and work for us.

Carrie: On one condition.

Kevin: I can't move the lab to 8.

Carrie: No, no.  Look professor. I'm not going to be your spy.  If the girls confide something to 
me that I think you should know, I'll tell you. Otherwise, it's strictly between me and them.  
Deal?

Kevin: Deal.  So, who's Pokey Valentine.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kevin: Hey who won?

Ashley: We did and Ashley got the winning hit.

Mary-Kate: Yeah, I hit the rope right up the middle.

Kevin: A rope up the middle?

Carrie: That's a single center.

Kevin: Oh, I know what it is, but Ashley doesn't.

Mary-Kate: Busted.

Ashley: Look dad, I know that in the movies, the crummiest hitter always comes through, but I 
stink!  This way, I got to be the hero.

Kevin: But you're not really the hero.  Mary-Kate got the hit.

Ashley: Who cares about the hit? Switching names was my idea.

Carrie: I thought it was pretty clever.

Kevin: I'm so proud.

Carrie: Me too!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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