A FEW THINGS ABOUT MEN

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

Make him wear shoes.

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One---men will screw anything.

What's a man's idea of foreplay?

A half hour of begging.

What's the difference between men and a U.S. Savings Bond?

The bonds will eventually mature.

What is the most sensitive part of the penis?

The man.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

Why do men have bigger brains than dogs?

So they don't hump your leg at cocktail parties.

How can you tell if a man is happy?

Who gives a shit.

What's the similarity between man and his sperm?

One in ten million has a chance of becoming man.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

No one knows - it has never happened.

Why do men have such big nostrils?

Look at the size of their fingers.

Why do men prefer showers to baths?

Peeing in the tub is disgusting.

Why can't a man catch mad cows disease?

Because they're all pigs.

Why does a man have a hole in his penis?

So he can get oxygen to his brain.

What do you call a woman who works as hard as a man?

A lazy bitch.