A LITTLE ENGLISH HUMOR
More words--not sure it's wisdom.
· Let's face it: English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant
or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. ·
English muffins
were not invented in England or french fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while
sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. ·
We take English
for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write,
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If
the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese.
So, one moose, 2 meese?
One index, two indices?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
·
If teachers taught,
why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat? ·
In what language
do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo
by ship?
Have noses that run and feet
that smell?
Park on driveways and drive
on parkways? ·
How can a slim
chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are
opposites? How can the weather be hot as h*ll one day and cold as h*ll
another? ·
When a house burns
up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock
goes off by going on. ·
When the stars
are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay,
I end it? ·
Now I know why
I flunked my English. It's not my fault -- the silly language doesn't quite
know whether it's coming or going.