by Rachel Torrent

When Earl Ray did finally come home that evening, he was jovial and happy to see his wife. He kissed her on the mouth. His wife cringed with the foresight of the impending doom.

He changed clothes and got a beer from the fridge. After he’d sat down in his lounge chair, Julie went into the den and sat on the couch. He was watching the evening news.

God, I’m about to change everything he knows and depends on, she thought as she looked over at him. Isn’t there some easier way to handle this? There wasn’t. If there had been, she’d have come up with it by now.

“Earl Ray, I need to talk to you about something important,” Julie began. God, this hurts already, she heard in her head.

“More important than the news?” He wasn’t taking her as seriously as she was feeling.

“Yes, Earl Ray.”

Now he looked at her and saw that she wasn’t smiling. He clicked off the television and said, “What is it, darling?”

Darling. Julie felt a little dagger in her heart. “I love you very much. No matter what else, I want you to remember that. Okay?”

“Okay, baby. What the hell’s the matter?”

Baby. God, please don’t call me that. “I really do love you. Honestly.”

“Julie, I know you love me. Tell me what’s wrong.” He was a little more worried now.

“I’ve been seeing someone else for the past month.” Out with it. No beating around the proverbial bush, to use a badly-placed pun.

He stared at her and smiled that tiny, little smile. Just for a second. “What?”

She just looked back at him ‘cause she knew he didn’t need it repeated, and she didn’t think she could say it again anyway.

“You’re fucking around on me?”

Several little daggers hit her at once. “It’s not fucking around. That’s not what I’d call it.”

He laughed a sarcastic, quick laugh. “Well, what exactly WOULD you call it then?”

She couldn’t answer this either. She could only swallow back the pain in her throat. She watched the enlightenment dawn across his face.

“Wait………what you’re saying…………it’s much worse,………….isn’t it?”

“I love him, Earl Ray.”

He looked down then and let out a heavy sigh. After a full minute, he looked back up at her. “Well, while you’re ripping open my chest and tearing out my heart, wanna finish me off and tell me who the fuck it is?”

No, I don’t want to tell you, but I have to, her mind was screaming.

“This is hurting me as much as it is you, honey. I swear.”

He ignored her comment. “It’s Jack, ain’t it? I’ve seen the way you look at him.” The episode with Jack hit her in the face. The episode he didn’t even know about. Tiny daggers were nailing her too.

“No, it’s not Jack.”

“Well, I know Slick ain’t the one. He’d be bragging all over town if he bedded a prize like you.”

More daggers. They were endless. “No, Earl Ray. It’s not Slick. And it’s not Tyler Barnes either since you’re going through the most eligible bachelors.”

Then another ray of enlightenment flashed across his face. A horrible epiphany. He looked at her with wide eyes. “No…….dear God…….no.”

“I’m in love with Roger.” Julie let the first tears fall down her cheeks.

He dropped his head, unable to look at her any longer. After a pause, he said, “So for the past month, you’ve been screwing my best friend and then coming home and screwing me too?” He didn’t look up.

“Only a few times. But I know that how many times makes no difference.”

Now he glared at her. “Just tell me this. Where did I go wrong? What could I have done different for you?”

Full blown swords were piercing her heart now. Through her tears she said, “Honey, it’s not something you could have prevented. You didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t about you.”

He laughed that sarcastic laugh again. “Well, now that’s pretty damn obvious, isn’t it?”

“Earl Ray, you’ve been fabulous to me. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband. And I do love you so very much. Still.”

He stared piercingly into her eyes. “Just not enough, huh?”

Then he stood up and left his beer on the floor. He headed towards the bedroom and didn’t look back when she stood up too and called out to him, “Please wait.”

When she got to the bedroom, he was in the closet packing a bag. She cried harder. More sharp swords hit her insides. “Where are you going?”

“Well, I surely ain’t staying here. That wouldn’t be right, now would it?” He didn’t look away from his packing. He was done with her.

“I’ll leave. I’m the one who messed up. I’ll be the one to leave.”

“You’re staying here where you’ll be safe.” Then he changed his train of thought. “So tell me……..does he care anything about you?”

This tore into her worse than anything blatantly cruel he could have said, and she knew he hadn’t meant to wound her like he had. To imply that he thought Roger was too callous or distant to be capable of caring for her. She held the closet door for physical support.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, sweetheart. I never intended to do that. I wish…….” She trailed off. She wished so much.

He stopped for a moment and looked at her. She longed for him to tell her to stop crying like he had so many times before. But he didn’t. And wouldn’t anymore.

“You know what I wish? I wish that I’d hurry up and wake up from this nightmare so I could find you asleep next to me……..touching me somewhere. Ya know how you always gotta be touching me when you’re asleep? That’s what I wish. ‘Cause then this shit wouldn’t be real, and I’d know that my life was just fine. I wouldn’t be turned inside out and dying.”

Julie was sobbing. She was hurting more than she knew it was possible to hurt. She tried to put her hand on his shoulder to touch him. But he shrugged her off and looked away to finish his packing. She stood aside and let him. Then when he put on a jacket and left the room, she followed him. Still sobbing.

In her head was playing: He’s leaving, and he’s not coming back this time. Ever. I’ve killed him. He might still be walking around, but I’ve killed him.

She caught up with him in the kitchen and put her hand on his back. “Earl Ray, I love you. No matter what.”

He put his bag down and turned around quickly to her and kissed her on the mouth one last time before she knew what was happening. Then he pulled off his wedding band and laid it down quietly on the breakfast bar. He picked up his bag and was gone out the kitchen door.

Her mind screamed: Could it be any worse than that? Him leaving his wedding ring there for you? Like he has no use for it anymore? But then how did you expect him to react? How else could it have ended up?

Julie went back to the bedroom and threw herself down on the bed for a good cry. She didn’t know what to do next. So after a half hour of sobbing, she called Sahndra to tell her a story.

“Roger’s a bastard,” was Sahndra’s overall remark.

“No, he’s not. Shut up.”

“Where the hell is he then?”

“He had some business to take care of about an hour from here. He’ll be back later.”

“The least he could have done would be to be around when you did it.”

“He didn’t know when I was doing it, Sahndra. I wanted him to be gone when I did it.”

Sahndra told her that Scottie would be home from a trip around eleven, so she would go out and try to find Earl Ray. Both of them were concerned about what he might do in his present state of mind.

And Sahndra found him at Le Bec Fin, just like Julie had predicted. He was sitting at the bar like Sahndra had seen Scottie do many times in the past. Some redhead (who Sahndra instantly labeled a “bimbo”) was in the seat beside him trying her best to talk to him. Earl Ray was paying her no attention. Instead he was staring down into his drink. Sahndra walked up to the scene.

The bimbo was saying quietly to him, “I’ve never seen you here before.”

“He’s married. So beat it,” Sahndra said in her most authoritative tone. Earl Ray, who didn’t have to look up to recognize the voice, laughed quietly.

The bimbo conspicuously glanced down at his left hand before she said, “No, he’s not.”

“Yes, he is.” Sahndra flashed her own diamond and band at the redhead. The bimbo slinked off. Sahndra sat down in her place. Earl Ray still didn’t look at her. But he said, “I’m not married……….not anymore.”

Sahndra stood up again and put her arms around him. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I really am.”

“But you knew, didn’t you?” Now he glanced up at her. Sahndra saw unending pain in his eyes.

“I knew. And I can honestly vouch for the fact that she loves him. But she loves you too, Earl Ray. This is a sad thing.” She could tell he was quite loaded. But not falling-down drunk.

“I don’t wanna hear it from you too. And don’t even tell me she sent you down here.”

“I came down here looking for you. I’m worried about you. But Julie IS very concerned about you too.”

“Fuck her. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. Come home with me.”

He looked up then. “Thanks, Sahndra, for being the first token woman to try to take me home. But I’m done with women. The one I loved with all my soul crushed me under her spiked heel.”

“You’re coming home with me. Now.”

Sahndra did convince Earl Ray to spend the night at her house. She talked to him for an hour in her kitchen before the sedatives she’d given him took effect. She’d just closed the door to the spare bedroom where Earl Ray was sleeping and called Julie to tell her he was bedded down when Scottie came in from the airport. He had no clue that they had an overnight guest, so he was making his usual racket, being very loud.

Meanwhile, Julie was relieved to hear from Sahndra that Earl Ray was still alive. She was feeling somewhat better herself since Roger had called. He was back from his short jaunt and had expected Earl Ray to answer the phone as usual He was surprised to hear Julie’s stuffy-nosed voice.

“You okay, sweetheart?”

She felt better instantly, just hearing him. “I told him, Roger.”

“Jesus……..How’d it go?”

“As badly as could have been expected.”

“Did he hit you?”

“Are you kidding? He would never hit me.”

“But you’re crying,” he said.

“I’m crying because this hurts. Worse than if he’d hit me. It’s not easy. And he didn’t take it very well. I knew he wouldn’t.”

“Where is he?”

“At Sahndra’s. She found him at Le Bec Fin. He’s asleep over at her house.”

“Good. Are you sure you’re okay?”

No! I’m not! Please rescue me! I need you, her mind screamed.

“Not really. But I’ll live.”

“I’m coming over and bringing something to eat. You don’t need to be alone. And besides, I wanna see you.”

Julie put the phone down and couldn’t wait for him to get to her house. She wanted him there now more than ever. She could hardly wait to feel his arms around her. She still felt so very sad. And empty.

After Sahndra quieted Scottie down and filled him in on the upheaval that was going on in town, he was livid. With rage. Scottie’s temper was legendary, and this qualified as an all-time best/worst temper-setter-off for him. Sahndra tried her best to calm him down and make him stay home with her. But Scottie had other missions to accomplish.

He started with the Snake Pit. But he couldn’t find Roger there. So he drove straight to Julie’s house. Formerly Julie and Earl Ray’s house. Sahndra had begged him to control his temper, so he tried to think rationally. He tried.

Sahndra had called Julie to tell her about Scottie’s mission. When Julie told her that she had “company,” Sahndra told her to think fast. Julie told Roger about the dilemma, but he pulled her closer to him on the couch and laughed.

When Scottie arrived, he banged on the back door. When Julie let him in, he saw that Roger was there too. Walking over to him, he addressed Roger first.

“Oh, this is great. Earl Ray’s body isn’t even cold yet, and Julie’s got her Casanova here already. You really want me to kick your ass, don’t you, Lococco?”

Roger calmly took a step towards him. “What do you want here?”

“Fat lot of nerve you have asking me that, you bastard. You’re fucking my best friend’s wife!”

“Stop it, Scottie!” Julie stepped in between them.

“I’ll get to you, missy.” Scottie turned his attention to her. “Get outta my way.”

Roger stepped closer to him. “Leave her alone. This is her house.”

“Don’t you tell me shit to do. I’ll knock you down.”

“Look, LaMont—”

Julie put her hand on Roger’s chest. “Please. Go to another room. Or outside. Let me talk to him alone.”

Still staring at Scottie with piercing eyes, Roger said to her, “You sure?”

“Yeah. He came over here to talk to me. I need to talk to him alone.”

Roger went downstairs. Julie cringed again inside because that was Earl Ray’s downstairs. The same downstairs where Earl Ray’s buddies, including Roger, came to watch sporting events.

She turned to Scottie. “What?”

“What?” He squinted his eyes with the question. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I love him, Scottie. I really love him. If I didn’t, I would have never done what I did to Earl Ray. You gotta trust me on this one.”

“Earl Ray who I set you up with.”

“C’mon, Scottie. Ancient history. I loved him then. I love him now. But Roger is who I love the most. He makes me happy in ways I can’t even describe to you.”

Scottie seemed to calm down. A little. “Sahndra says Earl Ray’s damaged, big time.”

“I know. And I’m genuinely concerned. I didn’t want to hurt him. I really didn’t.”

“Why him?” Scottie shifted his eyes in the basement’s direction.

“He’s the one. For me. I love him with all my heart.”

“And he loves you?”

“So he says.” Julie tried not to feel a tiny pain that yet another person didn’t think Roger could love her.

“And you’re happy?”

“I will be. Eventually. I gotta get over this rough part first. And I do honestly want Earl Ray to be happy. Really, Scottie.”

Scottie was mellow now. He cared about Julie. And what Julie cherished. “Well, darling, I guess I shouldn’t even be here. I was just concerned about my friend. My friends.”

“I know, Scottie. I love you for it.” Julie hugged him.

Scottie held her for a few seconds. “I’ll kill him if he hurts you. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know, Scottie.”

He left, and she retrieved Roger from the basement banishment. He sat back down on the couch and pulled her up against him.

“Please stay tonight,” she whispered to him.

“Of course,” he answered. And kissed the top of her head.