by Micki L. Bailey

When Maggie answered the insistent knocking at the door, she found Earl Ray in the hallway. His eyes were bright and spirited. His body language said he was fidgety. He brushed past her before she could invite him inside.

“Hey, Maggie. Is Roger home?” He looked around the room, searching.

“Yes, he’s here……And, yes, I’m fine, thank you. How wonderful to see you too,” she said, closing the door.

He turned back to her. “Sorry, sweetie………How’ve ya been?”

Maggie hadn’t seen him for four days. She’d actually missed him. “Good. Thanks for asking.” She smiled. “Are you pissed at me ‘bout something? You haven’t been around for days.”

He was surprised. Being pissed at her hadn’t crossed his mind. “No! I’ve just been busy, honey……..I’m trying to tie up some loose ends back in Tucson……….Looks like I might havta drive down there and straighten the shit out.”

“Why don’tcha just fly?”

He had flown down once, after Maggie’s accident, to officially quit his job and to pick up personal belongings. He’d opted to keep his lease on the little house he’d been renting there – just in case things in Portland didn’t work out.

But affairs in Portland had worked out so far. He wasn’t too keen on the city itself – too much rain and cold – but he was adjusting to that aspect. And he had sunk himself into some interesting things here, like the weapons shop and the vintage car business with Lococco. Besides, the one thing on the planet he cared about most was here in Portland – Maggie. And Tucson was too hot and dry anyway.

“I need to get s’more clothes and stuff………..might as well take the Explorer and fill it up,” he said now to answer her question.

“That’s a long damn trip, Earl Ray.”

He shrugged. “Just one overnight stop. No big deal……..And it’s scenic along the coastline.”

“Hey, kids. What’s up?” Roger slowly emerged from behind the kitchen, strolling into the room from his study. He was neatly rubbing his hands together in front of him.

“Hey, man. I was just telling your roommate here that I gotta cruise down to Tucson again to straighten some shit out and pick up some stuff,” Earl Ray said.

“What a bitch of a drive, man.” Roger had walked into the kitchen and was opening the refrigerator. “Wanna beer?”

Earl Ray sat down at the bar. “Sure……….Say, Roger……..A guy in the gun store this morning told me about one of those sweet little ’64 Mustangs you been dying to find……….said it was in prime condition……….and for sale. I thought you’d wanna check into it.”

“Oh, ya did, didya?” Roger set the Fosters on the bar in front of Earl Ray and then took a drink of his own.

“Yes, thank you. I would like one too,” Maggie said. She stood at the end of the bar. “What’s with you two today? Am I invisible or what?”

Roger and Earl Ray exchanged a look of mock irritation with her. Then Roger handed his beer to her and turned to get himself another one.

“Thank you,” Maggie said as she watched Roger’s every elegant move. She never tired of watching him move.

“So where is this baby, Earl Ray?” he asked.

“Well, that’s the tricky part. It’s in Pasadena.”

“Fuck that,” Roger said.

While they talked, Maggie eyed his hands and wrists, strangely sexy parts of his body in her opinion. The black leather band of his watch strapped across his warm skin was wildly erotic to her. She leaned against the bar for support. The news she had to give him later was far from her mind now.

“No, man. Look………I can swing through there and check it out on my way to Arizona. If it’s cool, you can fly down and bring it back.” Earl Ray had it all worked out.

Roger swallowed, his brow furrowed in concentration. “How much do they want for it?”

“I dunno……I can find out……..Sounds hot, Roger………And you know these beauties don’t come ‘round often.”

He’s really caught on in this car business, Maggie about Earl Ray as she watched him too. He had a natural flair for salesmanship, a certain marketing charm with all types of people. He’d picked up quite a bit of knowledge about the value of vintage. And on top of all that, he and Roger were communicating peacefully again.

And look at the sacrifice, she mused. It had taken yet another ruined life and three cross-country transplants to accomplish this feat. But things were truly peaceful again.

“Go for it then, man. I got a buyer who’d pay top dollar in finders’ fees for that little number,” Roger said. He seemed distracted to Maggie. Pensive. He had something else on his mind.

“When are ya leaving?” she asked Earl Ray.

“Probably Sunday. I’ll letcha know.”

“I, uh, got some news today,” Roger said quietly, looking down. “And it ain’t so good………Guess you both should hear it at once.”

Maggie’s heart fell. If there was something wrong with him, a terminal health problem or something, she knew she couldn’t handle it. She didn’t even want to try.

“What is it, honey?”

Her voice was full of choking panic. Roger heard it instantly and looked up at her, assuring her silently that this news was not her worst fears. She sighed. Earl Ray waited patiently.

Dramatically, Roger continued. “Scottie LaMont has met his demise.”

“Oh, God……..” Maggie whispered and trailed off. She gripped the bar.

“Jesus.” Earl Ray too was shaken. “How’d that happen?”

“Sit down, Maggie. You look pale,” Roger told her. On auto-pilot, she did as instructed.

“He fell off some high scaffolding while he was fighting with somebody……..Died instantly when he hit the cement floor below,” he went on, quietly again.

“Fighting with somebody? What the hell?” Earl was confused.

Roger inhaled deeply and let it out. The first few words he spoke next came out shrouded by his breath.

“Apparently, he’d gone to San Francisco for a hit on some international bitch. And one of his old school pals just happens to be the cop there, you see? So……..the good guy kills the bad guy……..End of story……….Just like on television.”

Hot tears sprang to Maggie’s eyes. She’d been close to Scottie at one time. She couldn’t yet think of him as dead. Poor Scottie.

“This is unreal………He was so vibrant and full of life…….When, Roger? How long’s he been……..gone?”

“Coupla months……….My source said LaMont got careless there at the end…….like he wanted to get caught.”

“Oh, I don’t believe that shit. Scottie was the best,” she said defensively. Her tears were slow- moving and warm on her face.

“Is your source positive ‘bout this, man?”

“Seemed to be……..but you never know ‘bout something like this in the underworld of espionage and paid assassins and shit……..It could mean anything,” Roger said, from personal experience.

Maggie wept silently. “God, this is horrible……..He was so much fun……and now he’ll never call me names and make me laugh again…….I’ll miss him.”

“Yeah……. He sure was a live wire,” Earl Ray interjected. He took a swill from his bottle.

“Not anymore, not after eating up some concrete,” Roger said.

Maggie shot him an angry look. “Do ya havta be so damn callous, Roger? He was a good friend to me.” She wiped her cheeks with her fingers.

“Sorry, sweets……….Just thought you’d guys wanted to know if I heard anything ‘bout him.”

* * *

Later, after Earl Ray had gone, after the news of Scottie’s death had sadly become a reality for her, Maggie finally felt ready to talk to Roger about the events of her day and give him some news of her own. Might as well get it over with, she thought.

He was in the den watching CNN on the TV. With his elbow resting on the chair arm, he had his hand on his cheek.

Maggie sat down on the couch and waited for a commercial break. When that time came around, he cut his eyes over to her.

“Hey, sweet thing.”

“Hey, Roger.”

“What’s going on?” He knew something was.

“I went for a checkup today………to the gynecologist.”

He sat up now and leaned forward. She had his full attention. “And why didn’t I know about this?”

“’Cause I didn’t want to worry you………It’s no big deal,” she said.

“Evidently it is, Maggie. It’s all over your face.”

She looked down, away from his gaze. Her throat had closed up and wouldn’t let any more words escape.

“What happened, sweetheart?……….Spill it.”

When she brought her eyes back up to his face, he was tentatively smiling at her, encouraging her.

“Roger……I, um…..I can’t……..I won’t be able to have any children. I know you said one time it would be cool to have one and all, and it really would have. But I can’t give you one now………I’m so very sorry.”

She watched for every tiny flicker of anything that might dance across his features. But he maintained his complete composure and continued to smile.

“You’re sorry for me?……Ahh, baby, this is not a problem…..not at all. Not unless you had your heart set on a kid………Sure, it woulda been cool……….But as I recall, what I said was, ‘If it happens, it happens. We’ll deal with it.’ And if it never happens, then that’s fine too. Whatever…..Don’t be worrying ‘bout me, Maggie. I’m okay with it.”

She smiled, relieved. “I thought you’d be disappointed.”

“No, honey. No disappointment here. Actually, I’m kinda glad you won’t havta go through all that shit…………And I’m not the diaper-changing type anyway,” he said. They both laughed.

“But what about you, Maggie? You okay with it?”

“Yeah…….I guess so. I always thought it might be neat to see what a beautiful creation we could make together……..but I think I can settle for just trying to make one.” She felt like smiling, so she did.

“We can always adopt later if ya really want one.”

“We’ll see……….I wanted…….yours,” she whispered.

Roger saw that she would need some support, the support he knew so well how to give her. “Hey, baby…….you all well inside other than that?” He meant “physically”; he could handle the “emotionally” part.

“Yeah. Everything checked out perfectly.”

“We could use a vacation, a getaway……..When Earl Ray gets back from Tucson so he can watch things ‘round here, we’ll go to the mountains. Okay?” He raised his eyebrows for her.

“I was thinking of going with him……….I’ve never seen the coastline……..and it would be a nice retreat…….for me…….We’d only be gone for a few days, and I could even drive that Mustang back if you guys like it,” she spit out.

Roger tried not to look as floored as he felt. He sucked in his cheeks and peered at her. “You’ve thought it all out, hmm?”

“Just a little. Just since this afternoon.” Then a thundering thought struck her. “Oh, but I haven’t mentioned it to Earl Ray yet……..He has no idea, honey……..I’m sure he won’t mind……..Would you?”

After a moment or two during which Roger turned the whole situation over in his brilliant mind several times, he said softly, “No, baby……I don’t mind……..If that’s what you want.”

Maggie felt a rush of love for him. She had seen him swallow something back – maybe disapproval, maybe jealousy – for her. “You mean it, Roger? You think it would be okay?”

“Sure………He won’t let anything happen to ya……..You’ll be safe…….Enjoy yourself…….I’ll be here waiting when you get back.”

Her heart jumped at that most precious of prospects. He’d be waiting. She beamed. “Then we could see ‘bout those mountains, right?” she asked

“Whatever makes you smile like that, sweets.”

She got up then and went to him, falling on him. He welcomed her in his arms and his lap. They put their mouths together and dipped into each other’s well, deeply and burningly. Roger held her against him fiercely, as if for the last time. Maggie felt his intensity and clung to him with all her strength. They were one.

* * *

“C’mon, Mags. He’s following us, right? In a helicopter or something. There’s no way he’s letting you leave with me for three days. No fucking way.”

They’d been on the road heading south for more than two hours, and Earl Ray still doubted it was all happening. He actually kept glancing in the rear view mirror for some tangible sign of Roger.

“He’s letting me go, Earl Ray. So take a pill………And no, he’s not following us. He’s fine with this,” Maggie told him. She knew he was keyed up and anxious.

He laughed sarcastically. “Right……..I wish I’d recorded his little ‘Now You’re Responsible for Her’ drill………..You as much as cut your pretty leg shaving, baby, and I’m dead meat.”

She sighed loudly. “You can cut the bullshit now, Earl Ray, if ya don’t mind. We’re supposed to be having a good time,” She stared out the passenger window, trying desperately to enjoy the famed scenery.

“Yeah…..I’m having a DAMN good time……being liable for the deadly Roger Lococco’s most prized possession……..Look over here, angel…….This is me having a blast.”

Maggie turned and glared at him. He’d been ornery and contentious since they’d left Portland, and she had no idea why. Initially, he’d been ecstatic that she wanted to go along. Unbelieving, of course, that Roger would agree to the deal, but thrilled none the least.

So far on the ride, they had chatted mostly small talk. She’d already filled him in on her newfound inability to reproduce. And neither wanted to discuss the late Scottie LaMont. Besides, Earl Ray’s seemingly ill mood was becoming quite obvious to Maggie. And she’d experienced enough of those herself to know she should tread lightly around him now.

After they had stopped for lunch and were zooming quietly on down the coastline that afternoon, she tried to talk to him again. To her, the mood inside the Explorer felt lighter and easier now that they had eaten.

“So where do you plan to stop for the night, Earl Ray?”

He turned his head to look at her for a half second, then stared back at the highway. “I dunno, sweetheart. You pick a place. There’s the map.”

She was encouraged. He seemed better. “We won’t get as far as LA today, will we?” she asked, looking at the map.

He laughed. “No, baby. Not quite. Try again…….And don’t forget……..We gotta get separate rooms……..just in case we get too……friendly or something.” He laughed again, and it sounded metallic and cold. She’d misjudged.

She felt the hope she thought she had found slithering away. And that was disheartening. “Please don’t start again, Earl Ray,” she said softly, pleadingly.

“Start what, Mags? Huh? I don’t see what the big fucking deal would be anyway!……I mean what would it matter if we lost control and fucked each other’s brains out again? Riddle me that! You can’t get knocked up anymore anyhow! Right?”

Maggie felt like she’d been brutally stabbed in her stomach. But she shoved the huge lump back down out of her throat.

“You bastard…….Roger woulda never said anything like that to me.” She looked straight ahead, hurt and seeing nothing.

“Aw, give me a break, baby. Yes, he would have…….way back before you bedded him…….Think back to those days, Maggie, when you didn’t know him so good…….Well, I DID. I hung out with him…….He was my drinking buddy…….Remember?…..And I heard how he sometimes talked ‘bout women………He woulda said that…..Trust me……..But you just HAD to go and fuck him anyway……..while you were MY wife.”

She fought back a flood of tears and a fireball of anger. “Go to hell, Earl Ray.”

“Aw, c’mon, darling. Face up to some facts…….while we’re driving along here…….having such a good time and all.”

Maggie looked out the side window and still wrestled with several different erupting emotions at once. Then she turned to glare at him, her eyes full of a storm. But she spoke evenly, using all the control she could muster.

“Listen, Earl Ray. I don’t know what your damn problem is today, but it sure as hell sounds like you need to release tons of saved up hostility and anger towards me……years’ worth of resentment……because I dumped you for Roger…..That’s exactly what I did too…….because he’s better for me…….he’s all I need and want now……So go on and get it all outta your system right now while you can……while I’m sitting here listening……I don’t give a damn, as long as it makes you feel better…….And if you wanna put me out right here on the side of the road, then do that too……He’ll come and get me……Fuck you.”

She turned her face back to the side window, but still saw nothing. She tried to steady her breathing, like Roger had taught her, and get herself back together. She knew she was more hurt than anything else, but this blinding anger had to be checked before she did or said something irrational. Before it consumed everything in its path.

Earl Ray drove on quietly for a moment before he finally responded. “Maggie…” He reached over to put his hand on her upper arm.

“Don’t touch me, you asshole……I didn’t ask to come on this little trip with you to be berated……or to get my comeuppance or whatever……I just wanted to enjoy myself, to get away…….I certainly don’t need this shit right now……..Leave me the hell alone.”

He still held her arm, tenderly. “Okay, baby.” He released her then and kept driving, staring straight ahead.

* * *

On to Part II