By Micki L. Bailey

What dreams are you dreaming
Behind those blue-ice eyes?
What do you see, sweet baby?
Is it real at all to you
That you’re being ripped away from me?
Can you pick up in my own eyes
How far down inside the pain has eaten?

What symphonies are playing
In those perfect little ears?
What exactly can you hear, angel face?
Vague, shallow attempts at excuses
For why I’m suddenly no longer around?
Can you detect in my silence
My weeping for missing kissing you?

What sensations are rippling
Across that heavenly-smooth skin?
What is it you feel inside, lovely one?
Do you realize once in a while
That I don’t hold you close anymore?
Can you sense how I tremble
With longing to be near you again?

Separation of the unwilling is tragic
Temporary tearing of intangible, invincible bonds
Innocent victims forced to re-adjust
And grow new skin over invisible wounds
And convince themselves the loss is not forever
Though the emptiness inside feels bottomless

Ah, what I wouldn’t give to once more
–Boink your tiny pug nose
While you purse those pretty lips thoughtfully
–"Read" you your choice of books
While you point to what I’ve mentioned
With your pudgy hand and tapping finger
–Pull you and pull you in your red wagon
While you hold on and look around happily
Both of us wishing for absolutely nothing else but the present
–Wrestle with you in the booth beside me
While we eat our meal and make a glorious mess
–Hold you in front of the bathroom mirror
While instructing you on how to apply "our" makeup
–Allow you to dip your plastic purple fork
Into my lukewarm cappuccino while most of it
Dribbles down your protruding bare belly
–Pour water over your head in the bath
While you scream with delight and splash me unmercifully
–Rock you to sleep with your bottle and squeeze you gently
While you cross your chunky legs
And make those precious grunting noises
With milk forming a ring around your pink mouth
–Laugh out loud against my will
While you stomp your little feet in a familiar tantrum
–Sneak a kiss from your soft neck
While you squeal out a giggle and hug me with small arms

Must I tell you that I love you?
Should I stress how I still cherish
Every second I was in your presence?
That my mind savors each minute memory
While my heart devours over and over
All the baby affections, real and imagined?
Is it fair to pay with suffering
For those stolen moments of happiness?

You’re leaving me now
Not by your choice, I understand
But know always
That you’re the baby sun in my sky
I won’t be there to watch you grow up
But I have my dreams and remembrances
Just like you have yours
And when you’re ready to share
What you see, hear, and feel
I’ll be waiting
I worship you, my sweet girl


September 1, 1999



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