By Rachel Torrent

When Sahndra walked out to her kitchen that Saturday morning, Earl Ray was sitting at her little table with some coffee. He looked like he’d been on a week-long drinking binge. Disheveled and unshaven, he had bags under his red eyes. But at least he’s made coffee, she thought.

She got herself a cup and sat down across from him. When he looked up at her, she almost winced out loud at the pain she saw all over his face.

“Good morning,” she said to him. And he attempted to smile at her. But he didn’t answer.

“How ya feeling today?” She didn’t really need to ask. But she did.

“Same as last night, but with a deadly hangover now.” Even his voice sounded weak to Sahndra. She hated to see him like this. He’d always been such a strong person. Strong for everyone else.

“I’ll get you some aspirins,” she told him.

“Get me a new life while you’re at it.” He was staring down into his coffee again.

“You’ll be okay after some time, Earl Ray.”

She wanted him to know how concerned Julie was for his welfare, but she didn’t want to bring Julie back into his full view so early. She didn’t have to. Julie had probably never left his view.

“Has she even called and asked about me, Sahndra?”

Sahndra sighed, and he took it as a negative answer. “No. I didn’t think so.”

“Of course she has, Earl Ray. More than once. She’s worried to death about you.”

He looked down again. Sahndra couldn’t determine if this satisfied him or not. But then he changed the subject again. Sort of.

“Why’d it have to be HIM?”

“C’mon now. Does it matter, really, who it turned out to be?”

“I’d rather it be anybody but him. When has he ever treated ANY woman right?” Sahndra realized he couldn’t force himself to say Roger’s name.

“Maybe he just needed to find the right woman.” Sahndra bit her tongue as soon as she got this out of her mouth. Earl Ray looked up at her instantly. Visibly stung. How heartless of me, she thought.

“I’m sorry, Earl Ray.”

Before he could respond, Scottie groggily made his way into the kitchen. Sahndra smiled when she saw him. He was never up this early. He wore his boxers and an old T-shirt. His hair was all over his head. He had that confused, unfocused look of a sleepy child.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Sahndra said to him. “You’re up early.”

As he poured coffee, he glanced to his left at his wife. “How am I supposed to sleep with a strange man in here with my wife?”

Scottie sat down at the table with his steaming black coffee. Sahndra laughed. Even Earl Ray smiled. The sad tension was broken. The mood was lighter.

Then Scottie looked at Earl Ray. “Hey, man. I’m really sorry about what happened to you.”

“Ah, whatever. Thanks anyway.”

“I went over there last night and chewed her ass some. I thought she needed it.”

Sahndra kicked Scottie under the table to warn him to keep his fat mouth shut about Roger being with Julie at Earl Ray’s house. Scottie somehow got the hint. He shut up.

Earl Ray said, “Don’t bother with her, Scottie. Leave her to whatever makes her happy.” Then he got up and brought the coffee pot back to the table.

Meanwhile, Scottie had an idea. “Hey, man! Let’s go and do some target practice today. Whadaya say?” He was still reminding Sahndra of a little kid. This time the kid was hyperactive and excited.

But Earl Ray wasn’t feeling the same. “Yeah. Okay. I got nothing else to do. ‘Cept I need to go……..over there……..and get some clothes.”

It was very obvious that he’d almost said “home” before he caught himself. Sahndra hurt for him. She went into her protective mode again. “No, Earl Ray. I’ll go. Just tell me what to get. You need to stay away. For your own good. I insist.”

“But I wanna see her.”

“No!” Scottie and Sahndra chimed in together.

* * *

So Sahndra showered and got dressed while the two men stayed in the kitchen with their coffee and boy talk. Earl Ray rummaged through the cabinets and fridge until he found something suitable to cook for breakfast. By the time Sahndra emerged from the bedroom again, the whole house smelled like good cooking.

She was glad he’d been interested in something else, at least for a little while. And she was certainly grateful for the delicious food he’d cooked. But she kept wondering how much the kitchen activity had reminded him of his wife. His wife, the chef.

Over at Julie’s, Sahndra saw no sign of Roger Lococco, the new boyfriend. And she couldn’t decide if this disappointed her or not. On one hand, it would be very interesting to see this renown loner in a domestic setting with someone he now cared about. On the other hand, Sahndra sometimes wanted to hit him because she considered it Roger’s fault entirely that Earl Ray was in tatters. And then on yet a third hand, she just wanted to look at him.

“He’s gone,” Julie told her after she saw her looking around.

“But he spent the night, right?” Sahndra was sarcastic. She wanted Julie to be happy, but she couldn’t get Earl Ray’s pained face out of her head.

“Yes, Sahndra. He stayed with me ‘cause I asked him to. No sex. I just needed him.”

“Yeah. Yeah. First you fuck him. Then you fall in love with him. Now you need him. That’s great. What I need are these things of Earl Ray’s.” She handed Julie the small list he’d made.

“How is he today?”

Sahndra smirked. “Well, he looks like a huge rock fell down on him from the sky. But he’s alive.”

“I miss him.” Julie couldn’t help herself.

“You have the nerve of a real bitch.”

Julie felt all the comfort Roger had provided drain out of her as she got together the things on the list. She’d bought almost everything he owned. His sweatshirts, his jeans, even his socks. Tears filled her eyes. She’d never see him get dressed again. She’d never see him in the shower again. She’d never smell or touch his skin again. He was gone.

“Give him this back too.” Julie poured his wedding bank into Sahndra’s hand. The one he’d left the night before.

“Oh, please. He doesn’t want that.”

“Well, what am I gonna do with it?”

“I’ll keep it ‘til he’s back on his feet. He and Scottie are shooting today. And tonight I expect they’ll get drunk,” Sahndra said.

“I really do appreciate you two being so wonderful to him. God, I wish this was easier.” Julie had stopped crying now.

“Me too. I guess you sometimes gotta walk through the fire to get what you want.”

“I’d walk through ten more fires for Roger, Sahndra.”

“Ya really love him, huh?” Sahndra could see the answer to this on Julie’s face.

“He’s the one. The only one.” Julie felt better when she concentrated on Roger.

“I’m glad you got what you want. Really, I am. And I’ll take care of Earl Ray until he can take care of himself.”

“I know you will,” Julie said.

Sahndra left with Earl Ray’s things and still felt bad for him. If he’d been warned that his seemingly happy world was about to capsize, maybe it would be better for him now. But Sahndra doubted it. And she felt so overwhelmed with his grief that she wanted to give him any and all the comfort she had that he needed.

She drove by the shooting range and saw Scottie’s Porsche out front. He and Earl Ray had left in it as she’d left for Julie’s. She hoped Scottie’s brash, wide-open personality would distract Earl Ray from his misery.

And such was in fact the case at the range. Scottie was successfully taking his friend’s mind off his recently failed marriage. Plus Earl Ray had several items of business to attend while they were there.

As they left a couple of the booths and walked back to the front desk, Earl Ray took off his earphones and said, without looking over at Scottie, “So………man……..did you know……..about Julie and……..the affair?”

“No, buddy. Not ‘til I got home last night.” Scottie wished Earl Ray hadn’t brought the subject up again. He thought they’d been making progress to lighter ground. He was trying, at least, like Sahndra wanted him to.

“So it wasn’t all over town?” Earl Ray kept on.

“Nobody knew, Earl Ray. He may be a bastard, but evidently he’s discreet.” Even Scottie didn’t want to voice Roger’s name.

“I gotta confront him eventually.”

“Better later than sooner, man. Why bother with his ass?”

Earl Ray glanced sideways at Scottie. “He was my friend. And besides, we live in the same town.”

Scottie shook his head. “This is one lousy fucking mess. Maybe you should go away for awhile.”

“I can’t do that. Not with two businesses to run. And I’d worry about her being okay.”

“You havta cut her loose, Earl Ray. Move on. There’s plenty of other fish out there.”

“Maybe you’re right, pal. But I ain’t in much of a fishing mood right now.”

“You’ll come around.” Scottie slapped him on the back. “Let’s go get a beer. I’m buying.”

* * *

“C’mon, man. His car is nowhere to be seen. Let’s just go in for a minute.” Scottie prodded Earl Ray as they drove by the Snake Pit.

“I really don’t wanna see him. Not today.” Earl Ray was much more somber than Scottie.

“He’s not here! Am I stuttering or something?”

Scottie pulled in and parked the Porsche out front. He jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut. Earl Ray emerged from the passenger side reluctantly. Then they went into Roger’s bar.

Roger wasn’t there, of course. At least not during peak daylight hours. He was an after-dark patron/owner, an apparition who appeared quickly and mysteriously. Unexpectedly.

So Scottie and his buddy, Earl Ray, crept in that afternoon and soon got lost in pool games and pitchers of beer. They placed petty bets on the televised sporting events and ordered some munchies off the revised and improved menu. It didn’t occur to Earl Ray that Julie was responsible for what he was eating. Yet again.

After a couple of hours, Scottie looked up and saw Roger walking up the back staircase to the left. When he glanced at Earl Ray, he chose not to disclose this bit of information. Earl Ray was having way too much fun, and Scottie didn’t want to spoil it. So he opted for one more game of pool. We’ll head out after this, he thought to himself. We’ll go down to Le Bec Fin.

Scottie didn’t have much else to say to Roger. He’d seen Julie with him. He’d seen that she was happy. He knew that in his gut. So he figured he couldn’t change the way things were now with his little tantrums and outbursts.

So after another game, about five in the afternoon, they decided to venture down to that “other place” and have a couple more before going home. As they walked past the bar, headed for the front door, Earl Ray froze. Scottie, who was behind him, had to stop too and looked past Earl Ray to see Roger standing there talking to an employee. They couldn’t avoid him.

He turned to face them, and he looked surprised. He hadn’t known they were there. He knew now. The inevitable. Scottie hung back and grabbed a bar stool.

Roger spoke first. “Earl Ray.”

“Roger.”

Then nothing. Deafening silence. They looked at each other. And then Earl Ray decided to take control. “So………looks like you win the grand prize. And……..I lose.”

Roger looked down. “I’m sorry for you it works out like it does, man.” Then he glanced up again.

Earl Ray didn’t smile. He didn’t feel any smiles inside him. But he couldn’t find much anger either. Just tons of heaviness. “Why’d ya havta go behind my back, Roger? I thought we were friends.”

Roger hesitated. This was his home turf, but he knew he had to tread carefully. “Would you have turned her over to me if I’d asked you to your face? I said I’m sorry, and I am. The whole thing sucks.”

This seemed to piss Earl Ray off. Slightly. He raised his voice just a little. “She’s my wife, man. The woman I love.”

Scottie stood up off the bar stool, and Roger looked at him. Then he directed his gaze back at Earl Ray. “I’m painfully aware of that. And it wasn’t my intention to upset things.”

“Why her, Roger? There’s plenty of women in this town.”

“You think you’re the only who can love her?”

This pissed SCOTTIE off, and he made a move towards Roger. But Earl Ray reached out and stopped him. Then he said to Roger, “So you DO care about her? What kind of intentions you got, man?”

“I love her, if that’s what you wanna hear. I INTEND to make her happy.”

It was Earl Ray’s turn to look down and hesitate. Then he slowly said, “If you make her unhappy, I’ll hunt you down and kill you. Simple as that.”

He glared at Roger as he said this. Roger slowly moved his eyes away and down. Then Earl Ray gathered Scottie with a backward glance, and they began walking to the door. Past Roger.

“You can still come in here, ya know,” Roger called out to them.

“Thanks, but I’ll take my business elsewhere. It isn’t my intention to upset things,” Earl Ray quoted back to him. He never looked back.

“Me too. What he said,” Scottie joined in behind him.

And they left in the Porsche for Le Bec Fin where Earl Ray did three shots of tequila almost immediately.

* * *

Earlier that afternoon, Julie had called Roger at the loft because he’d asked her to. He’d left her house that morning around ten and had asked her to give him a status update in the afternoon. So she told him about Sahndra’s mission to fetch Earl Ray’s clothes and about the re-return of the wedding band.

“So how’d Sahndra say he’s taking it?” Roger asked.

“Not well. But I knew he wouldn’t.” He heard sadness in her voice.

“I wouldn’t take it well either. How ‘bout you? How are YOU doing?”

“I’m okay. A little depressed,” she answered him. She knew she sounded down.

“Well, what can I do? You just name it.” He was sincere. Julie felt a surge of love for him.

“Could you come back over here tonight? I’ll cook something. We could watch a movie on the satellite.”

“Or we could just talk. Of course I’ll be over. Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Roger. I love you.”

“I’ll see ya when I get there. I gotta go by the bar first.”

Julie hung up the phone and smiled to herself. She already knew that his I-love-yous would be infrequent and special. And she had decided she could live with that. A small sacrifice she could manage just to have Roger.

When he did arrive with a bottle of wine, he kissed her and told her about his surprise encounter at the Snake Pit with Earl Ray and Scottie. She was immediately alarmed. He seemed just slightly shaken, as if the whole thing had caught him a little off-guard. It worried Julie to see him bothered at all.

“Did they gang up on you?”

“Naaaa. Not intentionally. They were cool, considering the circumstances,” Roger said. Julie could sense he was not quite himself.

“Honey, whadaya think they were doing in YOUR bar? Looking for you?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said. “It was bound to happen sometime. I’m glad it’s over.”

“Me too.”

They made love for two hours that night. In Julie’s bed. She felt much better lying in his arms, feeling her insides settle down after a huge orgasm, during which she’d cried out his name. He’d been extra gentle and affectionate with her. No teasing. No hurrying. Just touching her body with his hands and mouth, starting a fire inside her and slowly building it up to a blinding explosion.

She thought nothing could be more comforting than feeling his body on hers, in hers. She lay against his chest afterwards, listening to his heart beating.

As he pulled her hair back off her face, he asked her softly, “Are you sorry we did this?”

“Make love in my husband’s bed?”

“No. The whole thing. Got so involved and then hurt him by going public.”

She kissed his chest. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Roger. I wish I didn’t have to crush Earl Ray the way I did, but I do love you.”

“So no secret regrets or animosity that I asked you to tell him?”

She sat up and looked at him. “No regrets whatsoever. Except that he had to get hurt. I just wish we could get past all this painful part so that there’d be nothing left but you and me and our life together.”

He pulled her closer to him. “We’ll get there, sweetheart. Eventually.”

Julie fell asleep on his chest that night. With his arms around her. Loved and secure. * * *

On to Part II