By Rachel Torrent

He’s exactly what I’ve wanted all my life, in every way, Julie thought as she lay beside Roger and watched him. He’s beyond intelligent, terribly witty, and frighteningly perceptive. She even fiercely admired his aloofness and disdain for most other people. And then there were his drop-dead- gorgeous physical qualities that constantly took her breath away. In addition to all of that, he loved her in return. Every so often, he even told her so.

They were lounging in bed after dinner on Monday night. She had put her book down and turned on her side to look at him as he read a magazine. He was well aware of her stares, she was positive. But he calmly went on with his reading. So I’ll just lie here and adore you silently, she thought. And then she remembered the whole scene from the day before when Sahndra had her bout with appendicitis.

Sahndra had stopped by the loft after brunch because she was feeling down and needed some company. She and Earl Ray had had a tiny spat that morning, and she was a little upset. Roger, in his sarcastic, brash manner, had tried to cheer her up.

“Biker chick! What’s with you? Ya can’t hold onto ANY man very long, now can ya?”

“Lococco, how ‘bout I just kick your dead ass right now? I don’t need bullshit from you today.” Sahndra was usually a match for him.

He laughed for a second. “I’ve riled the lady up when she’s feeling down………..like I knew I could.”

“Go to hell, Roger.”

About an hour later, Sahndra was hit with blindingly painful stabs in her side. It wasn’t a gradual onset of pain; it was blatant, out-of-nowhere, powerful sensations that riveted her and knocked her down. She dropped her Bloody Mary, and the thick glass shattered as it crashed to the floor. Julie rushed over to her.

“What’s going on, Sahndra? You okay?”

Sahndra held her side and groaned. “I don’t think so………that hurt like hell.”

Then, as if on queue, another series of the stabbing bolts of pain racked her. Roger, who had been in the kitchen, came over to investigate.

“Whadaya think it is, honey?” Julie asked him.

He looked at Sahndra. “Ya in labor or something, Miss Wiseass?”

“C’mon, Roger. She’s hurting. Don’t fuck around,” Julie said.

“Must be your damn face, you prick………It’s killing me,” Sahndra said through waves of misery.

He smiled. “Looks like appendicitis to me,” he said to Julie. “Let’s get her to the hospital before it ruptures.”

To Sahndra, he said, “I don’t want ya dying in MY loft. Ya hear me, Sahndra?” He chuckled.

Sahndra grabbed her side again. “Fuck you, you cocksucker.”

“C’mon. Get up. I’ll help ya to the car.”

Sahndra let him pull her to her feet and then leaned against him for support as he put his arm through hers and guided her. She clutched her side with her free arm. As Julie followed closely behind, Roger led her down the elevator and to his BMW. He made her lie down in the back seat.

“Just take it easy now, okay? I’ll getcha there as fast as I can,” he told her. He sounded genuinely sympathetic.

“Somebody needs to get in touch with Earl Ray,” Sahndra gasped on the way to the hospital.

“I’ll find him, Sahndra. Don’t worry about it,” Julie said over her shoulder.

“Do ya mind back there, biker chick? I’m trying to hear the radio.” Roger’s jibing knew no limits.

“Roger, I swear to God you’re the world’s biggest prick.” Sahndra moaned.

He looked over at Julie briefly and smiled. “Tell her that’s entirely true, sweetheart.”

Julie sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Fuck you, asshole,” was Sahndra’s only comeback.

They took her straight to Emergency when they got to the hospital. It turned out to be appendicitis just as Roger had predicted, and Sahndra was out cold until about five o’clock. Julie stayed there with her until Earl Ray came in just before seven that evening. Roger, in a restless mood, had left shortly after the surgery was pronounced successful.

Julie watched him now and smiled. She thanked the gods every day for him because every day he saved her life. At least it felt that way to her ‘cause she knew now that she could never survive without him.

He raised his eyes slowly and turned them on her. “What?”

She caught a little gasp in her throat. “Nothing………You just look so……dazzling.”

He twitched his nose a little. “Ya think so, huh?”

“I’ve always thought so,” she said softly.

“Well……..maybe I should take advantage of that.” He put his magazine on the floor and slid his body down next to hers.

Then they melded together, uniting their flesh and spirits. They knew now how to touch each other for exquisite mutual pleasure. And Julie thought: Even if everything else in the whole wide world is wrong, this is right. The way we love each other is right and beautiful.

Afterwards, with his damp head on her chest, Roger said, “I’m glad ya don’t have to leave anymore.”

Julie wiped a drop of sweat off his neck. “So am I, honey. I can’t imagine now not being with you all the time.”

“Ya know I love ya, don’tcha?” he said quietly.

“I know, Roger.”

After a few silent minutes on their bed, sharing their sweat, Roger spoke again. “Is it okay with you if Vince stays here? In the room downstairs?”

“Sweetheart, this is your loft. You do whatever you want.”

“It’s our loft now, Julie. And our relationship. You get a say.”

She wanted to kiss him. “It’s perfectly fine, then, if he stays here, of course.”

Roger’s long-time friend, Vinnie Terranova, was coming to town for a short visit. He’d told Roger that he had to meet the woman who was “taming the tiger.” And as much as Roger mentioned him, Julie was looking forward to meeting him too. She was anxious to hear about Roger’s past.

* * *

Earlier that Monday afternoon, Sahndra was recuperating in her hospital room, temporarily alone. Earl Ray had been with her faithfully all day, attending to all her needs and giving her loving support. Julie had been there too. And Roger had sent his high regards, Julie told her. Sahndra had rolled her eyes at that information.

Earl Ray had left with Julie to go and get some “decent” food at Renaissance. Sahndra couldn’t tolerate the hospital fare, and she was starving. So, of course, he would get her something to please her.

Alone now, Sahndra was about to turn on the television when she got an unexpected, unannounced visitor.

“Hey there, sweet cheeks.” It was her ex-husband and former love of her life, Scottie LaMont.

Sahndra was completely shocked. Floored. She thought she might have gasped out loud. “Scottie…….how’d you know?”

He smiled his Scottie smile and set down a huge arrangement of violet tulips by the sink. “Saw Lococco last night at the Renaissance pool hall. He told me.”

“That prick. He’s now my chauffeur AND message center.” She hadn’t even glanced at the flowers. Scottie had captured all of her attention. As usual.

“So howya feeling anyway, hot stuff?” He stood by the bed wearing black slacks, a royal blue shirt, and a black leather jacket.

“Much better now, thanks. That was some painful shit yesterday. Roger was trying to drive carefully and all, but it still hurt like hell,” she said and smiled.

“I saw your Don Juan leaving with his ex as I came in. Whassup with that?”

Sahndra held her side and laughed. She’d missed Scottie’s honest, cut-to-the-chase take on things. “He’s fetching me some good food. Julie was just leaving at the same time.”

“Ah, you’ve trained him well already. Good for you……….So things are still okay with that?………I mean with him?” Scottie watched her face for a wordless answer. He’d always done that.

“Yeah. Things are great with him……..And tell me……What would you have done if Earl Ray had been in here when you arrived?”

He snorted and laughed at the same time. “I came to see you, doll face. Not his ass.”

Sahndra laughed again although it hurt. “You’re so brazen, Scottie. Still.”

“I’ve met somebody, Sahndra.” He’d always done that too. Dropped bombs without warning.

She was speechless. So he continued. “Just last week, actually. Her name is Christine. She lives in my building and runs some bra-and panty joint downtown. We went out twice.” He seemed to want to get it all out at once.

Sahndra was still stunned, but she knew she had to react. “That’s fabulous, Scottie……..Really…..Ya plan to see her again?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe. She’s cool. No pressure……Something to do…..I think you’d like her.”

“I’d love to meet her,” Sahndra said and wondered if that was true.

“We’ll see.”

She couldn’t tell if he really felt as aloof as he seemed or if he was attempting to hide more intense feelings from her.

“I’m glad for ya, Scottie.”

“Thanks, Sahndra.”

* * *

On the way to the restaurant, Julie had called Roger at the Snake Pit from her car. He planned to go by the hospital and see Sahndra, but Julie had begged him to avoid a confrontation with Earl Ray. So now, while Earl Ray was out, would be a perfect opportunity, she thought.

Roger laughed at her planning. “Sweetheart, you’re a conniving little piece of ass, hmm?”

“Roger, please don’t call me a piece of ass.”

He chuckled again. In a rare good mood, it seemed. “Ahhh, but you’re MY little piece of ass.”

“Just stop wasting time and get the hell over there. I don’t know how long I can stall Earl Ray.”

“All right, sweets. Whatever you say.”

When Roger walked into her room, Sahndra thought she was surely hallucinating. First, because he was there at all, and second, because he looked so totally awesome – a detached but sultry shining object adorned all in light blue denim and brown boots. He smiled at her.

“How’s it going, Harley princess?”

“What the hell are YOU doing here, Roger?”

“Oh, I was giving blood and remembered you were here.”

He’s splendid to behold, Sahndra thought. “How very thoughtful of you……And they wouldn’t take that icy, blue blood of yours anyway,” she said.

“Yeah. Yeah……..Ah, I broughtcha something.” He handed her the small brown bag he’d been holding. “Here.”

She cautiously took it and pulled out the contents.

A can of whipped cream. Omigod.

She looked at him and couldn’t resist a grin. “You bastard. Julie must tell you EVERYTHING!”

He laughed a small laugh. “Sure, she does. She’s my soul mate……….Look. When I was sick, you brought me chicken soup to get me well. Now that you’re sick, I bring you whipped cream to get you…….um……..”

“Oh, shut the hell up, you prick.”

“Howya doing, for real?” he asked.

“They say I’m gonna live. I can go home maybe tomorrow,” she said, surprised by his concern. How did Julie get used to this?

“Home to the Dairy King?” He smiled again. Sahndra just laughed. Sometimes he was exhausting. And always he was eye-catching. Pretty.

* * *

“So how’ve ya been, babe? Ya seem a little down or something.” Earl Ray squinted at Julie. He was picking up lunch for Sahndra and himself.

She looked up quickly from what she was doing, standing at the bar. A little jolted. “You always know, don’tcha?”

He smiled a charming little smile. “I hadda lot of practice, remember? What is it?”

“Nothing specific…………I just get the blahs every now and then,” she said.

“Something to do with Roger?” He was studying her face for clues.

“No, Earl Ray. Roger’s fine. I guess I just haven’t allowed him yet to be as comforting as……….” She couldn’t finish.

“As me?” He was almost whispering, although no one else was around to hear him.

Julie sighed, frustrated. “Yeah.”

And in one bright, hot flash, lasting only a second, she felt numbing, suffocating guilt for hurting him like she had. She even wished, in that tiny, explosive moment, that she’d never found Roger Lococco.

“Julie, ya know ya can still talk to me if ya need to. I’ll still listen.”

“I know, honey. I know. You’re good like that……….Now get on back to the hospital.”

He lightly touched her arm. “I wanna help……..and you know I can.”

She blinked back a tear. “I know………You’re helping now……….and Earl Ray?”

He squinted again and waited for her to finish.

“I’m godawful sorry.”

He understood, of course, what she meant. He held both of her upper arms with his strong, gentle hands. “That’s water under the bridge, babe. Don’t mean nothin’ anymore. Ancient history. So don’t fret ‘bout it. ‘Kay?”

“You’ve forgiven me?” Julie had no idea how she was holding back the tears she felt in her heart.

“I’ve forgiven you……..and moved on……..But if ya need to talk to somebody that understands ya…….”

“Thanks, Earl Ray.”

He patted her arms. “You okay now?” He smiled at her.

She felt like smiling back and did. “Yeah. I’m good now. Go on back to Sahndra and take good care of her.”

“I plan to.”

Julie did cry after he left. Just a little. But she felt better too. Her ex-husband was a saint. And still her close friend, after everything.

* * *

As they ate their late lunch in her room, Sahndra gave Earl Ray the brief rundown of her two afternoon visitors. And he told her all about his talk with Julie. She felt a little sad about how he’d spent his time away from her, but she knew she’d never be able to completely erase what Julie had once meant to him. But he’d told her about it all as if it was matter-of-fact and not secretive, not something he was ashamed of or guilty about. This she considered a positive thing. And besides, he was here with her now, laughing and talking and being so attentive and affectionate.

“Whadaya say we shack up, angel?” he asked her while eating rice. Throwing her completely off- balance.

“Shack up? Ya mean live together?”

His eyes lit up when he looked at her. “Sure! Whatever ya wanna call it! Let’s make it official. How ‘bout that?”

“We spend most of our time together anyway, Earl Ray.” Sahndra was confused. Maybe it was the medication.

“But, honey, I wanna know for certain that you’re gonna be next to me every single night when I go to sleep and every morning when I wake up. Can ya handle that?”

She laughed and winced at the pain at the same time. “Ahh, you’re the most gorgeous thing I can imagine falling asleep and waking up next to.” She loved him.

He ate more rice. “Good. It’s settled. Your house okay? My warehouse is too itty bitty. And I love your kitchen anyway.”

Sahndra was laughing and holding her side. He was in such a fabulous mood. And he wanted to live with her. He wanted to take care of her. “Yes, Earl Ray. My house is great. I love you.”

“Aw, I love ya too, sweetie.”

* * *

Roger raised his head up off Julie’s chest on this Monday night and laid down again beside her on his pillow. Then he reached for her, and she moved instantly into his arms. God, this is where I want to stay forever, she heard in her head. Next to Roger. Her Roger. Her semi-tamed tiger.

He massaged her bare back now. “You okay, baby?”

She kissed his neck. “I’m fine, Roger. I musta come three times with your tongue alone.”

“No……..not that……..You seem like something’s bothering ya.”

Julie smiled against his moist skin. Was she that transparent, or was he showing signs of being intuitive like Earl Ray had been?

“Just got the blues, honey. I’ll be okay. Especially with great sex like that,” she told him. She loved him.

“Glad I could help in some way. I’m here, baby.”

“If you weren’t here, Roger, I might as well be dead.”