By Rachel Torrent

“My God, Earl Ray! How could it ever get better than that? I thought I was gonna pass out!”

Sahndra smiled now when she remembered saying/gasping those words to him the night before. And she’d been sincere. Earl Ray had exceeded himself this time with his instinctive ability to manipulate her body and bring her outrageous pleasure. She frowned just a little when it occurred to her that Julie had trained him so well. But just a little. Julie was gone, never to return. And Earl Ray was hers to keep now.

Sahndra was at her own house now, waiting for him to come over and do Sunday afternoon things. Today’s activity was to be detailed car-washing. Earl Ray was so much more practical and down-to- earth than Scottie had been. Sahndra smiled again when she imagined the scoffing expression Scottie would have on his face if anyone suggested that he wash his own car.

Earl Ray, though, was Scottie’s antithesis. In every way. He, unlike Scottie, was a hands-on guy. And he’d certainly had his hands on her the night before. A tingle went through her body when she replayed the bedroom part in her mind.

He had taken her to the classy Greek restaurant right outside town – their first public appearance since they had been together. And he’d brought her six pink rosebuds when he picked her up. Scottie liked fancy restaurants and good food, but he’d brought her flowers only a couple of times during their marriage.

After the romantic and delicious dinner, Earl Ray had brought her back to his warehouse apartment for the night. There, she found the other six pink rosebuds waiting for her. He smiled his shy, embarrassed smile when she kissed him excitedly. He was so in tune to what would delight her.

They had made love passionately and hungrily. He had known exactly where and when to touch her with which part of his body. She was always amazed at his intuition about her needs and wants. Afterwards, he had told her how much he cared for her.

“You’re the most important and most special person in my life, Sahndra. And I’m doing all I can to show you that,” he had said.

“I feel special with you, Earl Ray. Really, I do. You’re the best.”

Today, Sunday, Sahndra sat in her living room eating a sandwich. Earl Ray would be over soon, and they would do “regular,” domestic, Sunday stuff together. He was so stable and secure. He made her feel comfortable and safe. And there was also the great sex.

Then Sahndra got a phone call that caused a rumbling in her safe foundation.

“Hello, stranger.” It was Scottie.

“Hey, Scottie. You okay?” Sahndra was surprised to hear from him. And surprised to hear that he didn’t sound okay. She could tell already.

“I gotta go to San Francisco for a few days............Can’t take the dogs to the vet tomorrow.......wanted to let ya know.”

Scottie could handle their Dobermans far better than Sahndra could, and so he always took care of the vet visits. But Sahndra heard something unfamiliar in his voice. And she knew it had nothing to do with dogs. Weakness, maybe.

“What’s wrong, Scottie? You sound awful.”

“My.................mother passed last night. I gotta....................go to the funeral.”

Sahndra’s heart broke in half. She wished Scottie was in front of her so she could embrace him. His mother had been very ill for months. And he’d been estranged from his parents for well over ten years. This tragedy was obviously hitting him hard, painfully. Scottie, the tough guy.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. What can I do to help?” Sahndra would do anything to take away this grief she knew he was feeling. He’d been close to his mother before the estrangement, and he now regretted all the wasted years. He had told Sahndra so.

“Thanks, Sahndra. But I got it covered. I’ll take the dogs when I get back. I’ll call ya.”

Sahndra winced. “Be careful, Scottie. I’ll be thinking aboutcha. And I’ll do whatever you need to help. You know that, don’tcha?”

“I know that. Thanks.”

She did think about him all afternoon. Empathized with him. She knew Scottie and knew he was grieving. Even though he had asked for distance during their separation, she wanted to be there for him now. Now when she was sure he needed her most.

While she admired a shirtless Earl Ray soaping up his ATV that day, Sahndra also had Scottie on her mind. She went inside the house and called Julie for advice.

“Aw, poor Scottie,” Julie said. “I’m sorry to hear that. When’s the funeral?”

“Tomorrow. He’s flying out around six tonight. I’m agonizing for him,” Sahndra said, honestly.

“How’s he taking it?”

“Sounds like not so good. I know he regrets not talking to her all these years, not sharing his life with her at all. And now he can’t. No second chances.” Julie could hear the concern in Sahndra’s voice.

“I’m gonna call him and find out which funeral home she’s in. I’ll send some flowers,” Julie told her.

“Should I go with him, Jules? It just feels like I should. Weird, huh?”

“Do what ya think is best. You don’t want a ton of regrets later on you like Scottie has now.”

Sahndra couldn’t resist. “How’s Roger today?”

“Oh, you know. His usual cheery self. I think he’s getting sick or something. He’s quiet and just wants to lay on the couch with the newspaper.”

“Nice mental image,” Sahndra said. “You take care of him.”

Sahndra was torn now between wanting to let go of Scottie and wanting to comfort him. She knew he was a true loner who could survive on his own. But she also knew he had no one else in the world to turn to besides her. And no man is an island, especially when he loses his mother.

An hour later, she was back outside with Earl Ray. They were admiring their handiwork when Scottie pulled into the driveway unexpectedly. Sahndra felt Earl Ray tense up at the sight of Scottie. Even she wondered what he was doing there and what might happen. But Scottie was calm when he got out of the Porsche. Too calm. Almost dejected.

As Sahndra and Earl Ray stood there, Scottie walked over to them. He glanced at Sahndra, then turned his attention to Earl Ray.

“You mind if I talk to my wife for a minute? I’m on my way to the airport, and I need something from her.” No hostility in his voice. Not even any sarcasm. Not like Scottie at all.

Earl Ray was still a little on edge, but he kept it out of his tone. “Sure, man.......And, Scottie.......sorry about your mom.”

“Yeah.......thanks.”

Sahndra turned and went into the house as Scottie followed her. In the living room, she faced him and waited for him to speak. He seemed very down-spirited.

“I wanna take that old signet ring of mine. It’s in your jewelry box, I think,” he said.

Sahndra was puzzled. “That thing you got when you were a kid? You never wore it.”

“My mother gave me that ring when I turned eighteen. She said I was no longer a child........I want it to be buried with her.” Scottie looked down, visibly shaken.

Instantly, Sahndra made a huge decision. “Scottie, I wanna go with you........for support..........You know you need it.”

He looked up at her. “No, honey. Thanks and all, but you’re not responsible for me anymore. I’ll be okay.”

“Losing your mother is a traumatic thing...............and nobody knows you better than I do, Scottie. Let me help........Please.” She was almost begging him.

“Sweet Sahndra.................Look. I’ve been trying to stop thinking of you as my wife anymore........It’s easier for me that way.......So......”

She jumped in. “I’ll be there as your wife in name only. Everything else will be strictly platonic. I just think you need someone to lean on right now, and I wanna be that someone.”

Scottie glanced towards the front door. “What about Earl Ray?”

“Oh, he’ll understand. He’s wonderful,” Sahndra said, feeling sure Earl Ray wouldn’t mind her going to San Francisco. With Scottie.

“Well..............if you’re sure.......”

“Please, Scottie. You’ll thank me later.”

“Then I’ll be in the car getting you a plane ticket while you pack...........and tell HIM.”

Sahndra smiled. She felt good about this decision. When Scottie was getting into his car, she asked Earl Ray to come inside. He was cleaning the inside windows of his “truck.”

He came in the living room and sat down. Sahndra felt a tingling between her legs and a rush of love in her heart. He wore old, torn jeans and a half-wet brown T-shirt he’d just pulled over his out-of- control damp blonde hair. He was a sight for sore eyes. And Sahndra knew she loved him unquestioningly.

“What is it, babe?” he asked her, running his hand through that hair.

“Earl Ray, Scottie’s leaving now for San Francisco. I feel like I should go with him for support and comfort.”

He looked up sharply, staring at her. “And what exactly is ‘support and comfort’?” He wasn’t pleased with the news at all.

“I just wanna be there for him to talk to and cry on if he needs me. I was, after all, married to him for years, and we were friends,” she told him.

Earl Ray smirked. “And just how far do ya plan to take this ‘comforting’ thing, huh, Sahndra? I thought we went through this bullshit last weekend!” He was angry now.

Sahndra was shocked by his reaction. “We DID go through this already, and I assured you then that it’s over for me and Scottie. This is just an extraordinary circumstance. He needs me as a friend. Only a friend.”

Earl Ray was furious. But he controlled his voice. “I don’t think I can accept this, Sahndra. Not after last weekend.”

“Earl Ray, you know good and damn well that you’d be there for Julie if this happened to her.” Sahndra was pissed herself.

He narrowed his eyes. “Leave Julie outta this. This is about you and Scottie, the guy you FUCKED just last weekend!” Now he yelled.

“He’s still my husband, Earl Ray!”

Bringing his voice back down, he said, “Yeah.........you said THAT last weekend too. So..........here’s the thing, Sahndra........You leave outta with him now and I’m gone. I won’t be waiting when you get back. Count me out.” He stood up and glared at her.

She glared back at him. “Fine.”

“So you’re going?”

“I’m going.”

“Then have a wunnerful trip,” Earl Ray said in a normal voice. He walked out then and left. He didn’t storm out in an angry huff. He just walked out and got into his truck and drove away. Luckily, Scottie wasn’t parked in his way.

Sahndra watched him go and then went to pack for her short trip. She felt sad about him, but she didn’t have time to get upset about Earl Ray being upset. She honestly felt like she needed to be with Scottie during his crisis.

She packed her overnight bag, changed her clothes, and fed the dogs. Then she called Julie to tell her what was taking place. Roger answered.

“Hi, Roger. Is Julie around?” Sahndra was in a hurry.

“Ahhh, it’s the biker chick.”

“Please, Roger. I don’t have a lotta time. Get Julie for me.”

“The biker chick that oogles me from afar,” he said with sarcasm. Of course.

“C’mon now, you asshole. I don’t feel like being bothered with you today.” Sahndra was losing patience with him.

He laughed. “Hold on. She’s right here.”

Julie must have been next to him. Typical, Sahndra thought. When Roger handed her the phone, Sahndra filled her in on Scottie’s arrival and Earl Ray’s departure. Julie reassured her about everything.

“Go on and be with Scottie. Earl Ray will be okay. Don’t worry about him,” she said.

Sahndra felt somewhat better. “Wouldn’t he do this for you if you needed him?”

“He would want to, yes. Just like you want to for Scottie.” Julie omitted the part about how she would refuse to let him. She had Roger now.

“Will he be around when I get back?” Sahndra asked, sadly.

“Oh! You’re coming back?” Julie snickered.

“You bitch.”

Julie laughed out loud. “Just kidding. And Roger’s bothering me too………Sorry……..Of course, he’ll be around. Earl Ray ain’t Scottie, Sahndra. He lives here and here only. He forms strong bonds and doesn’t walk out on them. He’s got a helluva temper, but he’s a good person. A damn loyal and loving person when he really cares. I can vouch for that. Don’t worry. Go.”

Sahndra admired the fact that Julie could say all that about her ex-husband in Roger’s presence. She had new respect for Roger, and for them as a couple.

“Will you two feed my dogs while I’m gone? I don’t know if I should trust Earl Ray to do it or not.”

“Absolutely,” Julie said. She laughed again. Most certainly at something Roger was doing to her.

“Lemme talk to that prick again before I go,” Sahndra said. She smiled at the memory of him on his Harley.

“Take care,” Julie said before she gave the phone back to Roger.

“What?” he said in his patented bored tone.

“Will ya feed my two dogs tonight and tomorrow morning, Roger? I gotta take a short trip.”

“Did you say you had two ‘hawgs,’ biker chick?”

“Lococco, you’re a bastard!” She knew he hadn’t misunderstood her.

He laughed. “Just kidding, Sahndra……..Yeah, we’ll feed your dogs. Be careful.”

Just the fact that Roger was sincere and nice to her then made Sahndra feel much more secure about what she was doing. She picked up her bag, locked up the house, and headed out to Scottie LaMont in his Porsche.

“What was with all the drama?” Scottie asked as she got in.

“What?”

“I saw him leave. He didn’t look like he just got sucked off.”

Sahndra shot him a disapproving glance. “You don’t havta be crude, Scottie. Let’s just go.”

“Was he pissed that you’re going?” Scottie didn’t give up.

“Leave it alone, wouldya?”

“Okay, sweetheart. Whatever you say.”

They sat in first class, of course. Scottie preferred a private or semi-private flight, but there hadn’t been time in this instance. So they “suffered” through a six-hour plane ride in fine first class accommodations.

Scottie was mostly quiet, not his usual talkative, animated self at all. He had asked about the Dobermans and again about Earl Ray, but that was the extent of his attempts at conversation.

When Sahndra inquired about how he’d been contacted when his mother died, he said, “Well, she died Friday night. And it took them ‘til Sunday morning at find me………..Guess I’ve been all over in ten years.”

Sahndra felt extremely sad for him. He wasn’t crying or breaking down, but she knew this haunting event had pierced his ages-old armor.

When she asked him where they’d be staying in San Francisco, he said that his father insisted they stay in his guest room.

“You told him you were bringing your wife?” she asked.

“He still wanted me to stay in the house with him. Wouldn’t have it any other way. He acted like it had only been ten days instead of ten years since he last saw me.”

Sahndra wondered, on the long flight, what it would be like to be in the surroundings where Scottie grew up. She knew that his parents had moved since he was in college, and that they no longer maintained “his room,” although his pictures covered the walls of their “new” house. A house even he hadn’t seen in a decade.

It even occurred to her that in all the time they’d been together, this was their first long flight. There were a lot of “firsts” she had never experienced with Scottie and probably never would.

The trip for Sahndra, in a nutshell, was a sad experience. His father waited for them at the airport and drove them back to his house. Scottie had explained that he and his dad had talked a bit on the phone and that his estrangement would be secondary to his mother’s death.

Sahndra wished, for a moment, she’d been around for the details of all that happened to Scottie in the past few days. But then she remembered that, as far as reality was concerned, she wasn’t Scottie’s wife any longer. And she had no rights, really, at all.

They acted like a normal married couple on the surface. She was very glad to finally meet his father. And they went to bed in the guest room, in a double bed. As if they were brother and sister. Sahndra sensed Scottie didn’t feel like talking. So she turned off her lamp when she got into bed and tried to sleep. Their bodies touched many times during the night, but only by coincidence or accident.

Scottie survived the entire funeral ordeal, including the graveside service, without shedding a tear. He was quiet and withdrawn. He had held Sahndra’s hand as he stood by the casket and looked at his mother’s body. After a while, he leaned over and kissed his mother’s cheek. Then he placed the signet ring she’d given him so long ago beside her right hand. Sahndra was quietly crying. For him.

Afterwards, back at his dad’s house, Scottie ate some food and seemed to be a little more talkative. He showed Sahndra all his photographs on the walls and explained each one. He seemed to be trying already to put this huge loss behind him.

Sahndra phoned Julie to let her know she’d be staying one more night. Julie had some news for her.

“Earl Ray wants to call you, but I don’t have the number out there,” she said.

“What does he want?” Sahndra asked.

“He wants you back, dipshit. Whadaya think he wants?”

“You’ve been around Roger too long already………..I’ll call him from here.”

“I straightened his ass out.”

“Thanks, Jules. See ya tomorrow.”

* * *

While Sahndra was in California with Scottie, Julie and Roger had gone over to Sahndra’s house on Monday morning to feed the dogs and found Earl Ray’s truck there. Because Julie begged him to, Roger stayed outside. She went in. Earl Ray was in the kitchen.

“Did you leave Romeo in the car?” Earl Ray smiled to show that he was only joking. But Julie knew he was actually glad to avoid Roger.

“I thought it would be best if he waited outside. What are you doing here, Earl Ray?”

“Taking care of the Dobermans. You know Sahndra’s outta town, don’tcha?” He seemed surprised that she didn’t know why he was there.

“Yes, I do know. That’s why we’re here too. From what I hear, you acted like such an ass yesterday that Sahndra didn’t know if she’d ever see you again. Let alone if you’d feed the dogs.”

He looked down. “It just makes me mad that she’d go off with Scottie like that. And who’s to say she won’t sleep with him again?”

“Look, Earl Ray. You know damn well that you’d want to go with me if it happened to me. And Sahndra loves you. If she said she’s done sleeping with Scottie, then she won’t do it anymore. You’re acting childish. She could use your support right now.”

He still looked down and didn’t answer right away. Then, “I’m afraid of losing………somebody else.” He couldn’t face Julie.

“Honey……..She’s crazy about you. Don’t mess this up.”

Now he faced her. “Do ya think she’ll talk to me now?”

“I’m sure she will. But I don’t have the number. Maybe she’ll call me and I can get it for you.”

“I just want things to be normal again. I want Sahndra and me to be happy without all these distractions,” he said, softly.

“Then tell her that, Earl Ray. You gotta talk to her.”

Since he had already fed the dogs, Julie went back out to Roger and his Jeep. He tried to read her face before he spoke.

“You okay?” he finally asked her.

“I’m fine, honey. But you look awfully pale. You feeling okay?”

Roger shrugged. “Not exactly. Maybe I’m getting that little bug you had last week.” He winked at her.

“Cut it out, Roger. Earl Ray’s doing dog duty today. We can go.”

* * *

When Sahndra tried to call Earl Ray that evening, she couldn’t find him. Not at his apartment. Not at her house. Not at the store. He was “unavailable.” She couldn’t imagine where he might be. So she left him a message saying she wanted to talk to him.

In bed with Scottie that night, Sahndra kissed his cheek and asked him if he wanted to discuss anything. He was lying there, propped up on his pillow, smoking a cigarette.

He looked at her seriously. “Not really. I just miss her……………I miss what I remember about her.”

“I’m here, Scottie, if you need anything.”

He misunderstood. “Sahndra……….I can’t………….get involved in…………………you know. Not tonight……..We can’t….”

“That’s not what I meant. I didn’t come out here with you for that.” She was a little hurt.

Scottie changed the subject. “Thanks for being so sympathetic and kind. It’s meant a lot to me, sweetheart.”

“Anytime, Scottie.”

They slept together platonically for one more night. Sahndra cried silently for a few minutes while Scottie smoked in the darkness. She felt like it was an ending in more ways than one. She felt a very heavy, irreparable sadness around both of them.

The next morning, he took her to the airport and thanked her again for being his support. She hugged him, and he held onto her longer than she had expected.

Into her hair, he said, “We need some closure on this thing, Sahndra. On us.”

Her stomach turned. “I know………I guess I just didn’t want to face it, Scottie.”

“When I get back in town, we’ll deal with it.”

“Okay. Take care of yourself out here.”

“Bye, sweetie.”

Sahndra cried some more on the long plane ride back. She felt like more had died than Scottie’s mother. She felt things coming to an end. Final peace. And now she wondered what waited for her back home. If anything.

* * *

In the airport, Earl Ray was waiting for her. He smiled when she saw him. He was holding an armload of red roses. She felt instantly lighter, happier. She ran to him, to his arms. He put the flowers down and grabbed her up to him, hugging her tightly.

“I’m sorry for being so unreasonable, Sahndra. Can ya forgive me?”

She kissed his neck. “I’m so damn glad you’re here, Earl Ray. I didn’t think you’d want me anymore.”

“I want you, honey. All to myself,” he whispered.

“Well, it’s just you and me now, love.”

“I’m pleased as punch to hear ya say that, darlin’. Now let’s go.” Earl Ray led her out of the airport.

He took her back to his apartment where he had prepared a huge feast especially for her. Lasagna and Chianti. And she was starved.

While they ate, she told him all about the trip. He listened intently and didn’t even flinch when she mentioned sleeping in the same bed with Scottie. Maybe, she thought, he can hear it in my voice now that Scottie is part of my past. Maybe he knows that he’s my future. And she felt absolutely sure that he was.

* * *

Two days later, Sahndra went to Renaissance to tell Julie everything. Julie wasn’t cooking, so they sat at a table and ate lunch as they talked. Julie was very glad to hear that Earl Ray had exerted such effort to win Sahndra back.

“Listen, Jules. He even had candles on the furniture in the bedroom. It was so romantic…….and sexy as hell,” Sahndra said.

“And it worked?”

“Of course, it worked. I couldn’t give that man up if you paid me. He’s fabulous in every way.” Curiously, Sahndra no longer had a problem discussing Earl Ray with his ex-wife.

“I’m glad you think so ‘cause I don’t wanna see him with anyone else. Isn’t that strange?” Julie made a face.

“I don’t wanna see Scottie with another woman either. I hope he’s okay out there.”

“Scottie’ll be fine, Sahndra. He and Roger are almost chummy now. You should see it. It’s amazing. Who woulda thought?”

“Really……..And how IS that very fuckable boyfriend of yours?”

“Shit,” Julie said and shook her head. “He’s got the flu, and he’s driving me out of my mind. I wasn’t supposed to even be in here today, but Roger’s so ill and cranky that I had to get out for a little while.”

“He’s not good at being sick?” Sahndra asked.

“He sucks at it, bless his heart. I know he’s uncomfortable, and I do all I can to help. But he acts like an asshole to me.” Julie sounded frustrated.

“Welcome to how he treats all the rest of us all the time.” Sahndra smiled.

“Oh, c’mon. He’s not a prick ALL the time.”

“Oh, yeah……….He’s gotta sleep sometime.”

“That’s very funny, bitch,” Julie said.

“Look. Earl Ray’s been cooking like he thinks he’s June Cleaver or something. Last night he made chicken stew. I’ll take some over to Roger and try to cheer him up. ‘Kay?”

“Knock yourself out. But I’d take a whip and a chair with me if I were you.”

Sahndra went home and got a bowl of Earl Ray’s excellent chicken stew. When she got to the loft, Roger let her in right away and then went back to bed. She set the bowl down on the bar and ventured to the partitioned-off bedroom.

Omigod, she thought when she laid her eyes on him. He’s simply stunning, even at his worst.

He was sitting up in bed with no shirt on. Just faded jeans. He hadn’t shaved for a couple of days, and his hair was in total disarray. He looked as sick as he probably felt. But Sahndra thought he looked marvelous.

He didn’t smile or speak. He just miserably looked at her as she walked towards him. She stood at the foot of the bed.

“Hey, Roger. I heard you were feeling a little peaked. Thought I’d bring you some soup.”

“How very thoughtful of you. Who made it?” His voice was quiet and weak. And bitter.

“I made it. Julie said you might like some company.” Sahndra tried to be cheerful.

“She tell ya that I ran her off?” Still no smile or warmth at all from Mr. Lococco.

“No, Roger. She just said you had the flu. Ya need anything while I’m here?”

“I need Julie back.”

Sahndra smiled. “She’ll be back, Roger. Don’t worry. I’m here now.” Sahndra couldn’t take her eyes off him. Again.

He grimaced. A cute face, Sahndra thought. “Don’t you have a whole slew of other men to look after? Which one is the favorite today?”

Sahndra bit her tongue. He’s not well, she reminded herself. “Ya want me to warm up the soup for ya? It’s chicken stew.”

“Maybe later.” He put his head back and groaned. “You know this is all your fault, right, Sahndra? I wouldn’t be fucked up like this now if not for that damn bike ride you just hadda have. Thanks so much.”

“I’m very sorry, Roger.” Sahndra sat down on Julie’s side of the bed, at the end.

“Sorry ain’t helping me feel better,” he said and closed his eyes.

“Roger………ya know what Julie and I used to call you? When we watched you from a distance?” She was almost whispering.

His eyes remained shut, his head still back. “No……but I’m dying to find out.”

“Puffs.”

He opened his eyes and looked at her. “Puffs? What the hell is that?”

“It’s short for ‘LococcoPuffs.’ It was our little nickname for you…………..and now you know.”

He sighed out loud and rolled his sick eyes. “What a fucking thrill………Puffs.”

“It’s cute, don’tcha think?”

“I still can’t believe Julie ever looked at me at all. She seemed so indifferent.” Roger sighed again. He was in flu pain.

“Oh, Roger. You just don’t know. And she HAD to seem indifferent. She was married. Remember?”

He looked at her and smiled an evil smile. “Don’t get me started on that whole little situation.”

“Shut the hell up, Roger. Sick or not, I might havta beat your ass.”

Sahndra stayed with him for another hour. He ate the stew that Sahndra never told him had been prepared by Earl Ray. His mood didn’t improved, but she was patient with him. Since he was the patient.

When Julie came in, cautiously, Sahndra saw his face light up. So she took that as her cue to leave.

* * *

One week from that day later, Sahndra was served with divorce papers from Scottie LaMont’s attorney.