By Rachel Torrent

As they watched television that Friday night, Sahndra and Earl Ray sat in her living room on her new sofa. His head rested in her lap, and she ran her fingers through his unruly blonde hair. As she looked down at him and watched him watching the TV, she thought, You are truly something to be admired. He looked comfortable, and comfortable was how she wanted him to feel.

“Is this an okay Friday night for you, honey? I mean, is this pretty much what you used to do?” she asked him.

“Basically, yeah. Julie refused to work on Friday nights. So we’d stay in or eat out and then come home to do just about this……….Why? Ya bored?”

“No, Earl Ray. I’m fine. Just checking on you. Gotta keep you happy.” Sahndra slid her hand down the side of his face along his well-defined jawbone and into his T-shirt.

“Cut that out.” He feigned irritation.

“I will not. Here you are laying on me, and I’m supposed to keep my hands off you?”

“So what’d you and Scottie used to do on Friday nights?”

Sahndra was a little surprised by his change of subject. “Well………when he was home, we’d go out to eat and then to some night club or party or something. Scottie was very in tune with the night life……..” Sahndra trailed off without meaning to. Memories of Scottie flooded her head, uninvited.

“Sorry I’m not,” he said quietly.

“Earl Ray, I’m totally satisfied tonight. Here with you is exactly where I wanna be. I swear.”

“Why don’t ya ever mention him?. ……Scottie, I mean…….I know ya gotta be thinking about him ‘cause ya were married to him for all those years. So if ya wanna talk about anything……God knows you’ve had to listen to me and my little problems.” He turned his head and glanced up at her then.

Sahndra was more than a little surprised now. And the avalanche of Scottie memories was slowly burying her. Weeks of repressed thoughts about her husband and their marriage gone wrong were edging through the open gate now, and she was unable to protect herself from them. Her defenses had abandoned her. What had set this off?

When she didn’t answer him, Earl Ray sat up and moved over next to her. He put his arm across her and rested it on the sofa arm as he looked at her pained face. Tears were looming in her eyes.

“What’d I say, baby? I’m sorry. Talk to me.”

“I never want to talk about Scottie ‘cause I’m always focusing on you and your troubles. That keeps me from dwelling too much on my own worries. I thought that was a good thing………” Sahndra was crying now.

Earl Ray touched her face. “Tell me, honey. What’s bothering you? I’m listening.”

She looked into his eyes and told him. “I miss Scottie sometimes……….I can’t help it………..I’m sorry……….He was…….is……..my husband……….and I love him………..I really am sorry…….”

Earl Ray pulled her to him, against his chest. “Don’t cry, darlin’. It’s only natural to feel what you’re feeling. I’m not gonna blame ya.” He hugged her and kissed her head.

She sobbed into his shoulder. “I want you, Earl Ray. You were a godsend………But I can’t seem to let go of Scottie as easily as I thought I could.” His arms around her felt wonderful.

“Sahndra……….I know what it’s like to have to wrench yourself away from someone you love dearly……….So go on…………..Do what ya gotta do and say what ya gotta say………..I’ll be here.”

“You will? You’ll help me even with this?” Sahndra had mostly stopped crying.

“Even with this…….I won’t leave ya.”

“I love you, Earl Ray. Things are just more complicated than they look on paper.”

He pulled back from her, looking at her. “Honey, you’ve put up with a lot of shit from me and my divorce. I think I can handle some of your problems………..Don’t be afraid to tell me………I wanna help if I can.” He wiped a teardrop off her cheek.

She smiled, better now. “You’re more than a godsend, ya know……….I think I’ll be okay.”

“We’ll get through all this. You’ll see.” He half smiled.

“The news is on. Can we go to bed and……….” she said, as seductively as she could manage with swollen, red eyes.

“If you feel up to it.”

“Oh, I feel up to it………….You ain’t getting off that easy, buster.”

“But I bet I’ll be getting off somehow.”

And to the bedroom they went. Quickly.

* * *

The next day, Julie was in her office at Renaissance catching up on paperwork when her private line rang. Probably Roger, she thought. Hoped. He was down at his own establishment with his own paperwork.

“Hello?”

“Hey……….You got a minute?” It was definitely not Roger.

“Hi, Earl Ray. Whassup?”

“Me and Jack were gonna come by for a late lunch…………….if you-know-who isn’t around,” he said.

“He doesn’t bite, Earl Ray. And he wouldn’t care if you came in here while he was here.” Julie knew it was foolish, but she hoped that one day Earl Ray and Roger would get along again.

“I don’t give a damn what he cares about. I don’t wanna see him.” He raised his voice slightly.

“Sorry……..No, he isn’t here. And I’m not expecting to see him again ‘til this evening. The coast is clear. C’mon over.”

“So………..how’ve ya been?” Julie knew he would ask.

“I’ve been fine. Everything’s okay. And you? How’s the apartment working out?”

“Oh, I’m fine too. And it’s quaint. I like it. Come by and see it if ya want,” he said. Surface conversation.

“I will. And I have some of your mail. You can pick it up today.” Even now, this made her a little sad.

“Okay. See ya soon…………Oh, and thanks.”

“Anytime, Earl Ray.”

Julie was still in her office when he got to the restaurant. He walked in her office and stood there. It was the first time she had seen him since the divorce. And he looked well. Very well. Their conversation remained on the surface as she gave him his mail, but surface conversation ensured safety.

“Oh, yeah. Jack wants to see ya too,” he said as he was turning to leave.

“I’ll be out in a few minutes. Almost done here.”

Back out in the bar area, Jack was already sitting at a table near the dart boards. He was, as usual, flirting with a waitress.

Earl Ray stopped and chatted with several employees who were glad to see him again. Then, as he passed through the foyer that separated the two huge rooms, he almost ran head-on into Scottie. Both of them stopped abruptly, eyeing each other.

“Well, look who it is,” Scottie started off in his condescending, sarcastic tone.

“Hey, Scottie. What are you doing here?”

Scottie acted surprised. Over-acted. “What am I doing here? Seems to me that you’re the odd man out here. The third wheel, so to speak. Not me, old buddy.”

“How you figure that?” Earl Ray squinted his eyes.

“Well……….as I recall, this restaurant belongs to Julie. But you don’t anymore. You’ve been dethroned, now haven’t you? And the new king of hearts just may not appreciate you hanging around here.” Scottie grinned, pleased with himself.

“I’m only here to eat, man. Not to start some shit with you.” Earl Ray was calm.

“Is Sahndra with ya? This I gotta see.” Scottie looked around behind Earl Ray.

“No, she’s not, Scottie. But since ya brought her up……..”

“What? Is she okay?”

“She’s trying to be. But she still has some issues with you.” Earl Ray didn’t know how to word what he wanted to say.

“Issues? Like what?”

“She ain’t having a real peachy time with the whole splitting up thing.” There. Maybe that was plain enough.

Scottie smirked. “And you can’t handle it, man?”

Earl Ray sighed. “It ain’t about me……….I gotta go.”

He left Scottie standing there, looking puzzled. Never had it occurred to Scottie that Sahndra might not be entirely happy with her new life. He thought he was the only one of them who had given the old life a second thought. So he finished his beer and decided to drive over and see Sahndra while Earl Ray was otherwise occupied.

She was in the bedroom and didn’t hear him come in. He stood in the doorway for a minute or two and watched her rearranging the closet. She had so much more room now without his clothes in there.

“Hey, babe.” He spoke quietly so he wouldn’t startle her.

She was a little startled anyway. She jumped and turned around to face him. She looked shocked to see him. But he caught her involuntary smile and noticed that her face brightened immediately. “Scottie! I didn’t hear you come in. Is something wrong?”

“No…….Does something have to be wrong for me to visit?” He smiled.

“I guess not. I just wasn’t expecting you. Let’s sit down in the living room and have a drink.”

“A drink would be lovely, my dear.”

It was 3:30 in the afternoon on that Saturday. For the next three hours, they sat on the new furniture and enjoyed two bottles of a fine red wine and each other’s company. Scottie had not removed his wine reserves from the house, so he selected a favorite and opened a bottle. Sahndra had always been a wine lover, and she had always trusted Scottie’s taste.

They chatted about everything: the makeover of the house’s interior, his new penthouse, Julie and Roger, and whatever miscellaneous subject came up between them. It wasn’t deep conversation, but it was more enjoyable than any three-hour talk they’d ever had before with each other. Both of them seemed to be in an open, warm mood, and the wine loosened them up. Sahndra found herself thinking, Why couldn’t it have always been this way?

At about 6:30, Scottie set his empty glass on the table and said, “Look at the time. I didn’t mean to ruin your afternoon.”

“Oh, you didn’t. I was just messing around in the closets. No big deal. Don’t go yet.” Sahndra didn’t want to sound as desperate as she felt.

“What about your plans for the evening? Where’s Earl Ray?”

Sahndra winced. They hadn’t discussed Earl Ray much in their little chat. “He said he’d call after he and Jack finished playing. No definite plans yet………What about you? Got a date?” She smiled and tried to pretend she was joking. She was actually hoping he would ease her mind.

“A date? Are you crazy? Hell, no. I was going down to the Snake Pit and toss a few back. A real exciting Saturday night.” Sahndra was glad to hear that he’d begun to get along with Roger.

“Then ya wanna get some dinner? We could call that Chinese place you like so much and get it delivered.” She held her breath until he answered.

“Sure. Why not? But what if your boyfriend calls?”

“C’mon, Scottie. Don’t be an asshole. I’ll tell him I’ll call him back later.”

As they were finishing up with their dinner, Scottie came out with what he’d been wanting to ask all afternoon.

“Sahndra, are you really okay? Earl Ray said today that you weren’t. Got me worried.”

She was completely flabbergasted. They’d been discussing her? Is that why he came over here? Was he actually worried about her?

She looked down at her food. “I cried last night ‘cause it hit me that I miss you more than I admit to myself……….I care very much about Earl Ray, but I hurt over losing you too. I still love you, Scottie.”

“Hey…..Look at me……I don’t wanna be the reason you’re sad. I can’t have that on my teeny tiny conscience too. What can I do?”

She looked up sadly at him. “You could stay with me tonight. Just one more night. Let me try to get you out of my system. I think I need that, Scottie. Maybe I need that so I can stop needing you. ………Please.”

He looked around the room, thinking. “Okay, babe. If that’s what you want.”

They made love so totally differently that night that Sahndra had to keep reminding herself that it was Scottie she was with. He was far from his usual aggressive, hungry self. He was gentle and loving, taking time to kiss almost every inch of her body before anything else. He caressed her softly and talked to her kindly, in whispers.

Sahndra wanted time to stand still. She didn’t want the night to end. This lover was a new Scottie, a Scottie she was very aware that she could love and live with forever. A compassionate, intuitive Scottie who cared and wasn’t afraid to show it. She forgot everything and everyone else while they made love as they never had before and never would again.

After Scottie gently entered her, Sahndra watched his face while he moved inside her. His eyes were shut, and his brow was furrowed. It’s as if he knows too, she thought. He realizes this is the famous final scene, and it’s doing strange things to his psyche too. She wondered if he was also bothered by the fact that he was in Earl Ray’s territory now, so to speak. If it upset him that he was going where another man goes now.

She felt like crying after her earth-moving orgasm. The last one. Scottie was lying on her, his sweat mixing with hers, their heavy breathing rising and falling together. The feeling of finality hung in the air like a huge thundercloud. She moved his hair out of his eyes and let two tears fall down her face. She wanted to hold onto him like this forever. Just let things stay like they are right now, she begged the gods. I want him like this, with me from now on.

But she cried two more tears when the reality struck her in the face like ice water: Things could absolutely not remain this way. This was not Scottie. Not the real Scottie. And the real Scottie was someone she already knew she needed to get out of her life. It was a proven fact. And this had been a fairy tale. A lovely fairy tale. But not a lasting one.

“I love you, Sahndra,” Scottie whispered to her in the dark. “You know that?”

She swallowed back a lump in her throat. “I know, Scottie. I know. And I wish it could always be like this. That was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Me too, sweetheart……….I’m sorry about the past……..that I turned out to be inadequate for ya.”

“Oh, Scottie, we had some wonderful times.”

“But things change. People change. And you gotta move on.” He still spoke quietly, against her skin.

Sahndra slept in Scottie’s arms during what was left of the night. When she woke up, the heavy sadness and sense of ending were still all around her. But Scottie was gone.

She put on a robe and found him in the kitchen. He was completely dressed and drinking coffee. He set his mug down when she walked in.

“I need to go, babe,” he said.

Her heart fell. She couldn’t take this. “No, Scottie. Don’t go. You can stay. We can try again. We could make it work out. I love you, Scottie.” She was grasping at straws. She just couldn’t bear the parting.

“You need to let go, Sahndra. We both know it.” He stood up. “Putting it off just makes it worse.”

“Scottie, please……You’re the one I want,” she begged.

“Stop it, Sahndra. You know that’s not true. I’m too old and set in my ways to make the kinds of changes you want. And you know that.”

Sahndra started sobbing. He walked over and hugged her tightly. For the last time. She clung to him. He said, “Sweetheart, you know I’m not the right one for ya. It’s obvious. So go on and make yourself happy. Cut me loose.”

He tore away from her and kissed her. Then he was gone, and Sahndra felt more alone than she had ever felt before. She sat down at the table and cried until she felt dry inside. She knew he was right. She had to let go. He wasn’t the one who could make her happy.

And then, suddenly, she remembered the one who could make her happy. She sat up straight in the chair. Earl Ray hadn’t called the night before. He surely knows, she thought. Somehow he must know.

So she called him at his warehouse apartment, and he answered after a couple of rings.

“Hey, honey,” she said, trying to sound cheery.

“Good morning. Howya doing today?” He sounded fine. Normal. Nothing unusual in his tone.

“I waited for you to call last night.”

“I drove over instead. Scottie was there. I figured you needed some time alone with him. And then when ya didn’t call me later, I assumed ya wanted to be by yourself to think,” he said. Innocently.

Sahndra winced. “I did. Thanks. Wanna do brunch?”

“I already ate, sweetie. But I’ll come over and bring you something if ya want.”

“Oh, Earl Ray, that would be fabulous. I’m famished. You’re so good to me.”

She showered and fixed her face while she waited for him. She felt better about Scottie. It would take some more time, but she could learn to live without him. One final blissful night with him would be her most precious memory of him.

As for Earl Ray, she wanted desperately for things to continue smoothly there. He was definitely the right one. So she decided to tell him about how sleeping with Scottie had, in fact, helped her to get over him.

“Earl Ray, Scottie spent the night here last night.” They were sitting at the kitchen table. He had brought her breakfast from Waffle House. He was drinking orange juice.

He put the glass down and looked at her. “You slept with him?” He was incredulous.

“Just one last time. It helped me to turn him loose. I think I can get passed him—”

“Wait. You actually had sex with him?” Sahndra could see he was getting angry. She hadn’t expected him to react this way.

“Yes……And now it’s finally over for us. For good. We discussed it.”

“Sahndra, don’t I mean a goddamn thing to you?” His eyes were on fire now.

“Honey, you know you do. Don’t be mad. Didn’t you send him over here?”

“Hell no, I didn’t send him over here! I told him you were having trouble with the breakup! I never dreamed he’d come over here and fuck you!”

“He IS still my husband, Earl Ray. And I told you it was something I felt like I needed to do. To get him outta my system or something.” Sahndra was getting a little hot under the collar too. Why was he so upset?

He jumped up from the table, glaring at her. “Look…….I’m not gonna sit here and let another woman screw around on me behind my back. I thought we had something, but I guess I was wrong. You want Scottie LaMont? Then go the fuck back to him. You don’t need me!”

He stormed out of the house and left. Two in one day, Sahndra thought. What a record. Now what to do? She was confused and hurt by Earl Ray’s reaction. They had never had a fight.

She called Julie at Roger’s loft. He answered the phone.

“Hi, Roger. Julie there?”

“What do you think?” He was so dry. Sahndra didn’t feel like sparring with him today.

“C’mon, Roger. I know she’s there. Just go back to whatever bullshit you were doing and let me talk to her. Please.”

“She’s in the shower. And I wasn’t doing bullshit. Just for your information.”

“Well, what WERE you doing?”

“Getting ready to go downstairs and clean the bike.”

Sahndra swooned. She loved Roger’s Harley. And the delicious mental image of Roger on the Harley. Wearing black leather and sunglasses.

“Oh…….Would you consider taking me for a ride one day?” Might as well ask for your dreams, she thought.

“Yeah. I guess. When are ya coming over again?”

“As soon as I finish with all the bullshit I’m doing over here.”

Julie called her back and, after listening to the story, told her Earl Ray’s behavior was typical for him. “He probably feels betrayed right now, just because it’s so soon after what I did to him,” she said. “And he does have a feisty temper. Just let him simmer down. He’ll come to his senses.”

So Sahndra waited. All afternoon. She almost called Earl Ray a couple of times. But she waited instead. She wondered if he was in a bar getting drunk. Or if he was out looking for somebody to screw in retaliation. But she decided against that. Not his style.

At 8:45 that evening, Sahndra was sitting in her bed with a glass of wine. She heard Earl Ray when he came in the front door. When he walked timidly into the bedroom, she looked up at him. He was still wearing the jeans and T-shirt he’d had on that morning. His eyes were bloodshot, so she knew he’d been drinking. But he didn’t seem drunk. She waited for him to speak.

And he did. “Still pissed at me?”

“You were the one pissed enough to walk out, Earl Ray. Not me.”

“Yeah…….Well,………maybe I shouldn’t have,” was all he said.

“But you did, after telling me Friday night that you never would. What about all that, Earl Ray?”

He looked down and sucked in his cheeks. “You hurt me, Sahndra. I know he’s your husband still and all, but I didn’t think ya wanted to sleep with him anymore……..and I’m still vulnerable and insecure…….” He didn’t finish.

“I never meant to hurt you. As crazy as it might sound to you, I thought I was doing us some good. I don’t want Scottie hanging over us anymore. I want to get passed that.” She took a sip of her wine.

Earl Ray looked up at her. “Wouldn’t you be pissed if I fucked Julie again?”

She almost choked. “Yes, I would. And don’t think I haven’t wondered if it’s crossed your mind to do just that. But the situation is different, Earl Ray. And I swear to you it’s never gonna happen again. He’s gone. For good.”

He slowly walked over to the bed and sat down near her. She smelled alcohol. “Promise?”

Sahndra saw in his eyes that he was really hurt. She felt bad. “I promise, honey. It’s just you and me now. I’m sorry it upset you so much.”

“I guess I shouldn’t have gotten so damn pissed. Sorry I left in such a hail storm,” he said quietly.

“Maybe that means you really do care about me, hmmm?”

He put his hand on her thigh. “Very much, I guess. It shows, huh?” He smiled.

Sahndra softened when she saw that smile. “It shows. And I like seeing it.”

“I missed you,” he said.

“I’m glad you came back. Is this our first fight?”

“THAT was our first fight. THIS is our first making up.”

He took her wine and set it down on the nightstand. Then they made love as if they’d been separated for weeks instead of hours. And Sahndra was reassured that he was hers and that he was right for her.