Maggie laughed sarcastically. "Boiling hot……..and that’s too warm for most people…….It repels folks."
"Some people have a tendency to want to tame the wild horses they come across, or to reform the rebellious kids, if you know what I mean."
"Oh, I know what you mean."
"But I detect that you’ve found your center, and you’ve learned to live from there – something a lot of other people never achieve, Maggie. You see the world a little differently from your center, and you definitely react to it differently…………so differently that the average person around you thinks you’re peculiar, even mentally or emotionally unstable………abnormal."
"I’ve read that before," Maggie said.
"Could you relate? Don’t you ever feel that you KNOW something or that you’re positively RIGHT about a particular thing even though everyone around you disagrees and screams at you to the contrary?"
She laughed, hesitantly. "Yeah………..often………That’s what leads to feelings of alienation and loneliness……..paranoia……..even depression sometimes."
"But, Maggie, your blood’s so warm and your personality’s so strong that I imagine you don’t let those ‘average’ people scream you down very often. You're certainly not one to conform easily. I picture you standing your ground, even if it means losing people from your life."
Maggie looked down, reflecting. "Yeah. Been there too."
"You’re not one to compromise, that’s obvious. And you’re not afraid whatsoever to defend your beliefs and convictions, are you?" Elyse asked.
"I guess not. I consider myself honest too…….even if it hurts. I won’t put up with bullshitters and liars."
"I’ll bet you drive a five-speed, bright red convertible, don’t you?"
"You’re pretty damn close, doc. The Saab I wrecked was a five-speed, dark red coup with a sunroof……….AND I drive in the fast freaking lane."
Elyse laughed. "No self-esteem deficiency for you, huh? I’m glad to see that. It’s refreshing."
"You nailed me there too, doc. Those people, like the hateful TROLL BITCH, who make me out to be a crazy case ‘cause I have no problem speaking my mind can, crudely put, go and get fucked."
"Spoken like a real trooper, Maggie."
"So I’m a first-class bitch. Now you know. Is there anything wrong with being so headstrong and defending my individuality so staunchly?"
Elyse looked at her sincerely. "Not until you stray over into that hostile territory……….You’re very intolerant, dear, of people and things around you that you deem not worthy of your time, things you do not care for………………And, unfortunately for you, you’ve found a mate in life who is just as intolerant."
"Don’t say ‘unfortunately’ for me. Roger would walk through fire for me, Elyse. If he seems unkind and harsh to outsiders, then I can accept that. Fuck them too."
"Oh, I don’t mean to criticize him. I’m just calling things as I see them. He’s more accepting of your intolerance and impatience because he shares the same qualities. You two can take exclusive comfort in each other. You understand?"
"I do understand," Maggie said. "And I don’t see it as a negative thing."
"It’s not necessarily negative. But when the intolerance becomes hostility and causes your blood to boil, that’s not good for anyone……….You could learn to abate it and eventually make it go away, you know."
Looking out the window, Maggie said, "Yeah………I know. I work on it……..I really do………….And Roger helps as much as he can………But there’s this monster I mentioned earlier………It’s more than a bad temper. It’s volcanic, and it seizes control of my entire psyche sometimes when I’m not strong enough to fight it off."
"Is that what happened in the restaurant that day with Sahndra?"
"Yes."
"You regretted it later?"
"Yes. Like always. But sometimes people don’t wanna hear that you’re sorry. They don’t wanna hear explanations or even consider forgiving you. They’re selfish and just wanna wallow in their own petty hurt little feelings or even continue to make YOU hurt…………But I’m gone from it all now………Sahndra and her wretched demon friend………They’re in the past, never to be part of my life again……….I’m better than those low-lifes. I know that now."
"That’s the right attitude."
"I feel safe here in Portland, Elyse. Away from all of that mess. I’m meeting new friends and reclaiming my old self again……….I feel good, finally."
"Now you need to concentrate on replacing the anger with something else, preferably indifference. You realize that, don’t you, Maggie?"
"Yeah. Roger says the hatred does nothing but eat me up inside, and that I’m hurting nobody but myself with it, which is completely counterproductive."
"Well now, he does have some value, doesn’t he?" When Maggie glared at her, she laughed. "I’m just joking. I’m glad you have Roger. He seems very in-tuned with you and very concerned with your well-being. And I think you must have softened him up at least a little. He’s different when you’re around……..He’s warmer and friendlier."
"Thanks for noticing. I’ve trained him well." Maggie laughed.
"Ah, I doubt that anyone could ‘train’ that man…….But I like you two together. You feel right………succinct."
"Thanks again. You a psychic too, Elyse?"
"I know when something is good…………Do you feel different now, Maggie? After talking about all your troubles?"
She sighed out loud. "Actually, yes……..I feel relieved that I told you the whole story, and you didn’t gasp and run outta here screaming."
"Believe me………I’ve heard worse."
"Am I crazy, Elyse?"
"Of course you’re not crazy, dear………….even with that seriously dangerous element in your life."
"Don’t start with Roger again."
Elyse laughed. "You may be a little neurotic, Maggie. But who among us isn’t? And you obviously have a predisposition for bouts of depression. Who says that's abnormal either? I just want you to work on those intense negative feelings you suffer with………Let them go……….You don’t have to love everything and become a bleeding heart…….That’s certainly not your style…….But please try to let fewer things bother you……..or at least don’t become so extremely bothered by them. Can you do that?"
"I think I can try."
"I know you can try. And I’m here to help……….if you need to talk about anything anytime. Understand?"
"Why are you being so damn nice to me, Elyse?"
"Because Benjamin is a fine judge of people……….You are an interesting individual with a lot going on………I like you."
Maggie smiled, surprised. "Thanks. That’s nice……..I like you too……..And I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this little chat."
Elyse looked down at her watch. "Little chat? We’ve been here TWO hours. Those men might send the posse out for us."
"No. Mine would be the posse. I’m very surprised he hasn’t paged me."
"I like Roger, Maggie. I didn’t intend to give the impression that I don’t."
"Don’t worry ‘bout it. I know he takes some getting used to."
"Earl Ray, on the other hand, could sit in front of me and talk to me all day long."
"Be careful what you wish for, Elyse."
"Oh, I am."
* * *
Maggie walked into their loft to find Roger in the kitchen – cooking. It was something he enjoyed but something she felt like she hindered him from doing as often as he might want to – since cooking had always been her profession.
But now he’d successfully filled the air with savory aromas, and she sat down at the bar to watch him. He took a swig from his beer bottle and smiled briefly at her.
"Hello, sweetheart. Where you been?"
"In a seedy motel room having sex with some strange man behind your back."
He barely rolled his eyes. "Right, Maggie. You wanna beer?"
"No, thanks. But some water would be good. Jeez, it smells heavenly in here. What’s cooking?"
"Just a little stir-fry, babe. I was in the mood and thought you could use a break……….You want rice or noodles? I did both."
She grinned and took the glass of ice water from him. "You’re such a good husband. I feel kinda bad now ‘bout sleeping around on you."
Roger put his spoon down and peered over at her. "You must want me to whip your ass for you or something, hmm?"
Maggie laughed and blew him a kiss. "Elyse says to tell ya ‘hi.’"
"So you been out drinking with the shrink?"
"She listened to my whole little awful saga, Roger. It was quite therapeutic for me. And we were only drinking coffee at Caribou’s."
He had walked back to the stove and was stirring in the wok. "Don’t bullshit me. I know when you’ve been drinking………….If you’d called, I woulda come to get ya."
Ah, he’s lovely, she thought as she watched him move gracefully in her kitchen. He wore an oversized, rolled-neck, light-blue sweater – sleeves pushed up, of course – and old, well-fitting jeans. She could watch him endlessly.
"I know you would have, Roger. But it wasn’t necessary."
"So is the shrink gonna commit you, baby? Am I gonna havta find me another wife?"
Maggie narrowed her eyes and growled from deep in her throat. "Who was gonna whip whose ass now? How’d that go?"
Tasting his creation, Roger laughed. "Yeah, yeah………..Rice or noodles?"
"How ‘bout a little of both?"
"Whatever you want………Here. Taste this." He held the spoon to her mouth and asked while she tasted, "So……..you’re okay with spilling your guts out for the good doctor?"
She licked her lips. "Very tasty. You did good, honey…………..Yeah, it was fun talking to her actually, once I got going. I’m exhausted now, but I feel good."
"She give you any worthwhile advice?"
Maggie smirked. "Oh, yeah…….Lots of stuff you’d already told me."
"Then she’s an intelligent doc, at least."
Her turn to roll her eyes. "God, you’re so full of shit."
He laughed again, this time very quietly. "Maybe so, but you love me."
Smiling, Maggie said, "Just a little bit."
"Well, a mean person you’re not. But you do harbor far too much hostility and anger, perhaps stemming from way back in your personal history. Your blood is very hot."
On to the Conclusion
