By Rachel Torrent

“So why aren’t you at home lying ‘round too, Jack?”

“Oh, I didn’t drink that much..........Gotta keep those senses clear. Ya never know what opportunities might arise.” Jack smiled, and Julie knew perfectly well that he’d specifically chosen “arise” for its sexual connotation. That was Jack.

She had come over to Renaissance this Sunday to pick up some brunch. Roger was at home on the couch feeling a bit peaked (translation: hung-over) from his excursion with Jack the night before. Jack had been here having brunch alone, and she stood at one end of the bar chatting with him now.

“Yeah, and I’m sure you feel much better now than somebody else I know. Poor baby. He’s so ill today.” Julie laughed. Mock sympathy.

“LaMont’s the one who’s probably wishing he was dead today. He was wasted,” Jack said.

Julie looked a little surprised. A red flag went up in her head. “Scottie was there too?”

“It was Scottie’s party, babe! Where ya been?”

And Julie was suddenly aware of two things: 1) Something large and consequential had taken place the night before, something she didn’t yet know about; and 2) Jack understood completely that she did not yet know, and he was all too willing to enlighten her.

She tried to act cool. “I just didn’t realize it was a party.” Roger had explained that he and Jack would be “throwing a few down” at the Snake Pit. Typical Saturday night activity for him, especially since she had to work.

“Yeah, it was a party all right. Scottie managed to get those strippers over – the ones who didn’t show for Roy Dean’s bash last weekend.” Jack was being so nonchalant. Or trying to.

Julie wished this subject had not come up. “So it was a stag party?”

Jack threw his head back and laughed. “How dated, Julie! Let’s just say it was the REAL bachelor party.”

“And everyone was there, I guess.” Julie was feeling more and more in the dark.

“Everyone who was here last Saturday night...........Oh, and the girls.........What girls!.........Whew!” Jack shook his head with the apparently juicy memory. Then he looked at her. “Roger didn’t fill ya in?”

She averted her eyes away from him to hide the betrayal she felt. “Right, Jack. He’s gonna come right home and tell me THAT..............He just said he was going to the Snake Pit with you.”

“Well, he WAS with me..........And we DID go to the Snake Pit first. Cut the boy some slack, babe.” Jack touched her hand.

Julie exhaled slowly. “It just feels like he kept something from me.”

“Please, Julie...........He only got a coupla lap dances, to use your dated terminology............He just watched most of the time.”

“Only a couple..........That certainly makes me feel better, Jack. Thanks a fucking lot.” She rolled her eyes.

Lap dances, or whatever they’re called, would explain Roger being so damn wound up and oversexed the night before when he came home. He hadn’t been too drunk to ravage her, but he HAD been too drunk to worry about her pleasure.

“Julie, Julie.......Everybody was doing it. Even the two Mr. Nice Guys, Earl Ray and Alan.........And of course, Roy Dean........We were just having a little fun.........It’s what a bachelor party’s for...........And your man didn’t do anything you should know about...........not that I saw.”

“But I didn’t know about ANY of it, Jack.” Julie’s dejection and hurt were quickly becoming slow- burning anger. “What exactly IS a lap dance anyway?”

Jack never even paused. “Well, the chick sits on your………crotch and…………gets herself off………..while you watch……….or even help her.”

Julie shuddered. “Gross.”

“Hey, look at it this way...........Why do you care where he got his appetite as long as he comes home to eat, huh?” Jack winked, and she didn’t find it comforting at all, remembering Roger’s “appetite” the night before. She was frankly appalled.

But what she WAS finding comforting was a sudden idea she’d just had. “Um, Jack..........didya say Earl Ray was there joining in the fun too?”

“Just like everyone else.........a little touchy-feely, you know.........Just some strange.”

Julie cringed at the phrase. But it fueled the fire. “Well, whadaya say you and Ben have dinner here with Sahndra and me tonight? Oh, and bring Tyler too. I’m sure Christine will find this all very interesting, as I have.”

Jack smiled as if he’d found a kindred spirit. A partner in crime, so to speak. “Some kinda little pay- back, Jules?”

“Exactly, Jack. You game?”

“Oh, you betcha.”

They confirmed a time for that evening, and Jack left. Before Julie went back to the loft, she called Sahndra from her office.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” was Sahndra’s response to the tale.

“No yoking. They were ALL there...........in their little secret coven.........the assholes.........and they call US sneaky.”

“Earl Ray got lap dances too?” Sahndra still couldn’t believe it.

“Just like Roger.”

“Those pricks.” Sahndra now lumped Earl Ray into Roger’s category.

“So call Christine, and you guys meet me here at six. We’ll have OUR fun since they had theirs.”

“You got that right.”

* * *

It didn’t improve Roger’s ill mood much when he learned that Julie had been “enlightened.” She couldn’t help but gawk at him as he lay there stretched out on the leather sofa wearing his wrinkled denim shirt and torn jeans watching a baseball game on television. He hadn’t shaved yet that day, and he looked crumpled and gruff.

But she stood her ground. After they peacefully ate the food she’d brought back, she got up to put away the debris.

“I’m going out tonight. To dinner.” She was on her way to the kitchen and didn’t look back.

“With who?”

“With Sahndra, Christine, Ben, Tyler.............and Jack.” She looked over at him now, and he was eyeing her with pursed lips.

“Am I supposed to laugh now or ask you what the hell is going on?”

“What you’re supposed to do, Roger, is stay right here by yourself....................Unless you can get one of those strippers from last night’s little bash to come over and keep you company.” She watched him.

He closed his eyes, put his head back, and sighed heavily. “Goddamnit, Julie. It was nothing.”

“Not even enough to tell me about, hmm?”

“Give me a break! I woulda told ya.” He looked back at her and sounded tired.

“Oh, yeah. I’m biting the hook on that one.........But it doesn’t matter now. I have plans, and you don’t need to worry ‘bout it....................I’ll tell you all ‘bout it when I get home.............unlike you did last night.”

“Look, baby, I hardly even touched ‘em.”

“Spare me the details, Roger. I know enough already.”

Julie left him to his ballgame and spent the next two hours in the bedroom. When she was ready to go back to Renaissance, Roger stood and walked over to her. He looked even more scruffy now. And not happy.

He touched her upper arm. “C’mon, baby. I didn’t do anything.”

“Don’t touch me, Roger. I think you touched me enough last night. After your hot lap dances. Thanks, by the way. I enjoyed it very much too.”

He hung his head down. “Sorry ‘bout that, sweetheart. I was drunk.”

“Duh. And mute too, I guess. But don’t worry. I told you exactly where I’m going and what I’m doing. I gotta go. Jack will be waiting.”

She saw the surprise and hurt in his bloodshot eyes when he looked up. Maybe that’s what her eyes had looked like earlier when she found out about the secret party. She left.

* * *

Sahndra’s Sunday afternoon had gone along in a similar fashion to what happened in the loft. She found Earl Ray out in the backyard trimming some bushes around the fence. He wore his old, faded jeans and a brown T-shirt. And his work boots. She sat on the deck steps and waited for him to notice her. When he did, he walked over, smiling.

“So what’s up, beautiful? Ya got something on your mind?”

“Wanna tell me where you and Alan REALLY went last night?” His story to Sahndra had been that he and Alan would be shooting pool at Le Bec Fin.

His face dropped, and his smile withered. “Fuck.......How’d you find out?”

“Puhlease, Earl Ray. With all those people there, you didn’t think I’d find out? Just how naive are you?”

“Nothing went on, honey. I swear.” He was sounding caught.

“Then why all the secrecy?”

“I.......uh........I never—”

“Well, maybe you should have ‘cause it’ll be a cold day in Hell before you do with me again,” Sahndra said, still sitting on the steps. He hadn’t come any closer.

“C’mon, angel..........It was just a little fun.........She just sat on my—”

“Shut up, Earl Ray! I don’t want to hear it. Besides, I don’t have time. I got a date tonight.” Sahndra stood up.

“A date? Are you kidding me?”

“Julie and Christine and I are going out with Jack, Tyler, and Ben.”

“You’re not going anywhere with Ben Farlow.” Earl Ray was slightly angry now.

“Watch me, honey. It’s my turn to have a little fun.” Sahndra turned and walked away from him then. He called out to her, but she ignored him. He was still in the backyard when she left to meet Christine. The two schemers had to take care of the mastermind of this whole slowly-turning-ugly ordeal.

* * *

It hadn’t been a problem for Jack to talk Ben and Tyler into joining him on a triple date with the three “wronged” women. They were already at Renaissance when the ladies arrived. Julie had reserved the huge, prime table in the center of the restaurant for them to share. And not one of them seemed to care what the community thought about their little dinner party.

And what a lovely dinner party it turned out to be. Christine had shown up just as heatedly mad at Scottie as Julie and Sahndra were at their respective boobs of boyfriends. Scottie had told her that he’d be out of town for a one-night trip and would return on Sunday afternoon. An outright lie, unlike the omission of the truth, as was the case with Roger and Earl Ray. But Sahndra and Christine filled Julie in on the evil retribution they’d imparted to Scottie, and Julie congratulated them heartily.

But the ladies soon forgot their anger in the company of the three handsome, well-adorned men who’d so graciously agreed to accompany them for the evening. Jack had seized the chance to monopolize Julie and was doing so in a very openly flirtatious manner. Ben was more subtle with his simmering charm towards Sahndra. And Tyler’s excellent personality had Christine’s complete attention. We feel so unfettered and guilt-free about doing this because it’s revenge, it’s deserved, Julie thought.

After a long, four-course dinner, Sahndra suggested that they go next door to the dance floor to stretch their legs. No one objected. It seemed that all six people wanted to touch one of the others in some way. That was the mood of their little “party.”

Julie and Sahndra had no idea what type of surprise they had waiting for them in the next room. But if they had known in advance, they may not have cared. They were having too much “little fun.”

* * *

Earl Ray had arrived first. He didn’t see any of Roger’s automobiles in the Renaissance parking lot, so he ventured in and sat at the bar in the grill area. The bartender, Sheila, told him that his party was over on the “other side.” He had looked up at her, totally confused.

“What?”

“Sahndra, Julie and the others.........They’re sitting in the dining room.”

Then he quickly understood. They WERE here. He hadn’t been sure. Sahndra hadn’t specified their location. So he got up and stood in the foyer between rooms until he spotted them in the middle. And he was grossly unsettled by what he saw – his companion giving all her loving attention to that Ben Farlow asshole who, in turn, was doting on her too. He sat back down at the bar, disturbed. He didn’t want to see anymore.

“They’re already eating. I won’t interrupt them. Just give me a bourbon,” he told Sheila.

It was during his second bourbon that Roger walked in from the kitchen. His face told Earl Ray that he wasn’t happy with the current state of affairs either. Earl Ray felt suddenly and oddly sympathetic. They had a common problem, something to share. His hatred of Roger, which had been fading away all week, was almost nonexistent now. Or at least it was dulled or pushed aside by stronger sentiments.

“Hey, man. I’ll buy ya a drink. Courtesy of the doghouse,” Earl Ray said to him. Roger’s complexion was pale, his eyes sunken. Earl Ray remembered that he’d gotten drunk the night before.

Roger sat down beside him, apparently also feeling the common bond. “You too, huh?”

“When one of ‘em finds out, that’s all it takes. We’re up shit creek now.”

“In a chicken wire boat.............How do ya think they found out?” Roger asked. He hadn’t made a move to touch the bourbon now in front of him.

“Mighta been Jack French. He had nothing to lose,” Earl Ray said.

“I’ll kill that asshole.”

“Take a look over in the dining room, and ya really WILL kill him.”

Roger looked at him sideways. “Is he all over her?”

Earl Ray laughed. “Not really. Not yet. You know Jack.”

“Yeah............and that’s why I’ll kill him.” Roger picked up the glass now and drank it. Then he wrinkled up his nose. “Ah, I don’t need to see that shit.”

“Damn women...................We’re always fucking up with ‘em....................can’t stay on track more than a few days.”

“They’re gonna cut us off too, ya know,” Roger said quietly.

“I already got that shit thrown in my face..................Imagine what would happen if we’d really screwed one of those bitches last night.”

“You didn’t?” Roger’s laugh faded away. Earl Ray stared at him. “I’m just kidding ya, man. Julie would sense that at fifty paces.” He laughed again into his glass.

“Yeah, she would..............And you’d be dog meat instead of in the doghouse.” Earl Ray laughed this time.

With each new bourbon, their conversation became progressively more friendly. And jolly. And slurred. Both of them wondered silently why they’d never tied one on together since all the upheaval in town had begun. It would have saved them both a ton of angst and anger.

“Hey, Earl Ray? You gonna make an honest woman outta Sahndra?” Roger asked him.

“Yeah, I been thinking ‘bout it. Ya think she’d go for it?”

Roger looked at him with a furrowed brow. “What are you? An imbecile? She’s wild about you.”

Earl Ray smiled. “Yeah, and you ain’t’ getting THAT one, Roger.” Earl chuckled.

Roger smiled at the joke. And at Earl Ray’s ease in telling it. “I got my hands full now..........Don’t need another one.”

Just then, the party of six came into the bar area and headed noisily towards the dance floor. Julie and Sahndra saw their boyfriends, their real boyfriends, for the first time but didn’t stop to chat. They proceeded to their destination and began dancing with their “dates.”

Earl Ray and Roger watched. Their tolerance levels were slightly higher only because their senses were numbed by the alcohol. Roger was feeling better physically than he had all day. Earl Ray was controlling his temper very smoothly.

The dancing must have lasted an hour. But the bourbon bottle had no bottom. So some people danced, and others drank. And conversed.

“Hey, Roger. Why don’t we do this more often, huh?”

“What? Get our asses in a mutual sling?”

Earl Ray laughed. “No, man. Why don’t we get trashed more often?”

“I guess ‘cause you hate me, Earl Ray..............And for good reason.”

“Naw, man. That’s all over with now. We should do this more, ya know? ‘Cause except for the scenery, this is damn fun.” He nodded his head in the direction of the dance floor.

“I’m just waiting for the scenery to break up,” Roger said softly.

“Well, I think I’ll do some breaking up myself. It’s my turn to dance with my girlfriend. I’ve watched her with Ben the sonofabitch long enough.”

“Knock yourself out. I’ll puke if I go out there.” Roger looked ashen still.

* * *

The sixsome had taken some tables on the other side of the dance floor, just for time-outs from their musical activity. And for refreshments.

Julie danced with Jack, with Tyler, with Jack, with Ben, with Jack, and with Jack. His energy supply was infinite. As was his smile. They both felt Roger’s eyes on them, but they ignored him. And his jealously. They enjoyed each other immensely. And Julie still felt it was all justified. Vengeance is mine, and its name is Jack, she thought.

While she danced with Ben, she was amazed at how like Roger he was. So smoldering and cynical. So cerebral. Ben was slightly freer with his personality than Roger, though. Roger who waited for her on the sidelines.

By the same token, Sahndra was getting her money’s worth out of Ben too. He was every bit as attentive and captivating as she’d remembered. And he was an excellent dancer. She too had her turns with witty Tyler and smiling Jack. Jack had to get his paws on all three women. It was his payment for arranging the whole affair. But Sahndra couldn’t wait to get back to Ben. Ben who enchanted her.

She hadn’t seen Earl Ray approach them, but she knew later that Ben had. And had ignored him.

“May I dance with the lady?” Earl Ray had asked politely. No anger or hostility in his voice at all. Ben had been a gentleman and stepped aside.

“Hey, baby,” Earl Ray whispered in her ear as he held her close to him. “Enjoying your little date?” He was obviously drunk.

Sahndra tried to pull away, but couldn’t budge his hold. “If you’re gonna be an asshole, Earl Ray, you can dance with somebody else. I’m not interested.”

“Sorry. I wanna dance with you. Not somebody else.”

“Why are ya here, Earl Ray?”

“For you, sweetie. Why else?”

“I’m with these other people. I told you that.”

He gathered his thoughts. “I wanna take ya home........with me.”

“Look. I’m enjoying my evening out. Like you did. Fair’s fair. So if ya don’t mind........” She expected him to follow the rest.

“C’mon, Sahndra. I’m sorry for not telling ya about the party. What else can I say?”

“Well, that’s the first time you’ve said you’re sorry about the party. But I could care less ‘bout that now. I’m having a good time, and I wish you’d go back to your strange new drinking buddy over there and leave me alone.”

He pulled away from her then and looked into her face. The song was about to end. Conveniently. He looked hurt. “Okay...............if that’s whatcha want. I’ll wait for ya at home.”

“That’s what I want...............and don’t drive home in your condition. Get a cab.”

Before Sahndra could feel sad about seeing him walk away, Ben was back at her side, sweeping her off her feet. She was instantly transported back to sweet land of retaliation.

As Julie swooned in Jack’s embrace, he said, “You know the husband’s keeping an eye on you, don’t you?”

“He’s not my husband yet, Jack. And I have no doubt he’s watching us. Watching is probably all he can do at this point. He’d fall down if he tried to stand up.”

“Ah, Jules. Leave the wounded boy alone.”

“Don’t feel pity for him, Jack. He’d stab you in the gut if you pissed him off enough.”

“Why don’tcha go over there and talk to him?” Jack whispered.

“What? Are you stoned?”

“Go on, babe. Then we’ll dance some more.”

Dutifully, Julie released Jack and walked over to where Roger sat alone. Earl Ray was still with Sahndra.

“Hey, Roger. You’re looking good.”

He turned to her, and she saw a flicker of something in his eyes. Hope? Fire from the bourbon? “Hey, sweets. Can I get ya a drink?” Julie saw just how drunk he was.

“No, thanks, Roger. And maybe you should stop getting yourself drinks too. I’ll get Ian to drive ya home.”

“I ain’t going anywhere with that—”

“Stop it, Roger. You had no business coming over here tonight. I told you we’d be here. At least I was honest with you. Now let somebody take you home.”

“Julie, that party was a crock of shit. I woulda never gone if I’d known it would make you mad.”

“You coulda told me about the girls. I don’t like secrets.”

“I’m sorry........... Jesus.”

“What an apology..............Thanks so damn much,” Julie said.

“You know I wouldn’t fuck around like that.”

“Then why not just be up-front with me? Huh, Roger?”

“I wish now I had been.....................I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

“Good. Now go home. I’ll be home later.”

“I’ll drive ‘im home.” Earl Ray came up behind Julie. “I’m okay.”

She looked around at him. “Right, Earl Ray. You sound and smell like it. I’m calling a cab for the both of you. Y’all are a pretty sight.................And what’s up with you two sitting here together anyway? I don’t want any more damn rough-housing in my restaurant.”

“Misery loves company, dear. We’ve got lots more in common now than just you.” Julie heard sarcasm in Earl Ray’s slurred voice. Roger laughed almost silently.

Fine, she thought. Bond together against me. Whatever. Just as long as it gets you both over your little petty jealousies and macho bullshit.

She had signaled for Sheila to hand her the cordless phone. Now she picked it up and held it in front of them. “Look. This is me calling the taxi company. When that taxi gets here, I don’t wanna see either of you two here any longer. Get your asses in it, and go home. Or go to another bar. I don’t care. You’re both ruining mine, Sahndra’s, and Christine’s nice evening.”

“Your master’s voice, Roger.”

“Yeah, I hear it.”

“I’m serious, you infants. No more screwing around.”

Julie called the cab company and then returned to Jack and the others. She filled them in on what had happened.

Sahndra laughed. “They’ll be passed out by the time we get home. They won’t even realize that they can’t have any nooky even if they wanted it!”

“Well, there’s always tomorrow night,” Julie said.

“I’m staying single forever,” Jack said.

“I heard that.” Tyler.

“Absolutely.” Ben.

When Julie and Sahndra finally ended their evening and went to their respective homes, Roger and Earl Ray were as good as passed out. And that was fine with the women ‘cause they didn’t want to discuss the situation anymore anyway. Like Julie had said, there was always another night after the next day. And they had fond memories of their “date” to replay over and over in their heads.

Roger and Earl Ray began their Mondays with loud headaches and queasy stomachs. And they wondered how much longer their little hells would last, how many more days they’d be banished to the doghouse (translation: the other side of the bed).