BEHIND BLUE EYES

Rating: G

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. The characters and concepts of Hardcastle & McCormick do not belong to me, but to their creators. Neither do I possess any rights to the song, “Behind Blue Eyes”. No infringement is intended.

A/N: This scene is set during the aired episode, "Hotshoes". Mark has unexpectedly gotten a ride in a race, but the judge is convinced there is illegal activity going on behind the scenes. This is my first attempt at a songfic.

FEEDBACK: Comments welcome at [email protected]

Behind Blue Eyes

by Cheri deFonteny

I lay in my camper, letting the tape in the cassette deck continue its endless loop.

I hadn’t really intended to come back here and think...rather, just the opposite. When I left the judge back at the hotel and returned here, all I wanted was just to clear my mind. The tape had been in the Coyote, so I carried it in, hoping to find a little relaxation and not worry too much about what Hardcastle was up to. But now, as The Who rolls back around to one of my favorite songs, I’m trying really hard not to read too much into it.

No one knows what it’s like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Damn. Sometimes things are hard to figure out.

No one knows what it’s like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free

It’s not that I don’t care if there’s something fishy going on with the DEN-CO team, but...God...I want this so bad. This could be my last chance to make it on the circuit; why can’t Hardcastle understand that?

No one knows what it’s like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free

Of course, it doesn’t help that the crazy judge has taken this dream from me once already. I was on a pretty good roll until Hardcastle locked me up for two years. For driving my own car!

The whole thing is still unbelievable to me. Almost as unbelievable as the fact that I’m now living and working with that crazy judge. Certainly as unbelievable as the idea that I actually find some companionship in our relationship from time to time. Honestly, I don’t quite understand how I can feel such resentment and yet still begin to feel...affection.

But what about him? What does he feel? Even after several months in his custody, I still don’t know, not really. But I do know that I trust him, and that’s about as insane as all the rest of it put together. Trust the guy that locked me up? Trust him to watch out for me and keep me moving in the right direction? Yep; absolutely unbelievable.

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

“You’re important to me.” That’s what Hardcastle said, just before I left him alone to start poking around. Just before he went to destroy my last chance on the circuit. And really, that’s what’s gonna happen. Much as I hate to admit it, Hardcastle is rarely wrong about this sort of thing; if he says DEN-CO is crooked, then they probably are. But still...this could be my last chance; how do I get that through to him?

“You’re important to me.” I can hear the words again, and they are just as surprising now as they were the first time. Hardcastle definitely caught me off-guard, and that just doesn’t happen too often.

I wish I could push aside the feeling of warmth that seems to be in my gut right now. Though it’ s not that I don’t want it; I do. But I sure as hell don’t want to want it. It would be much easier-much safer-to keep my distance. Life was definitely simpler before I really started to get to know Hardcastle. Not as good maybe, but definitely simpler.

No one knows what it’s like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Damn. Sometimes things are hard to figure out.

***THE END***

Back to the Hardcastle & McCormick Fan Fiction Page.

Built by Text2Html

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws